❤️ love is on the bridge between you and everything.
I’m in so much pain.
I’m clinging to love... even though I must have my guard up at least a little all the time...because I don’t know what else I can do with the trauma with the depression and defeat, with the anxiety that brings me to want out.
Are the meds helping at all?
Not much ...I’m getting a new med Paxil to start soon
That seems a little fast to change medication. Did your doc try to increase the sertraline? It can take a few months for some people to get the therapeutic effect. A few months longer if you have thyroid issues.
I was reacting badly to it.
Do you want to talk
x
I am not happy with myself nor with my life. Every once in a while I say to myself that life is great and my heart sings but most of the time I dream of dying and I’m making mistakes, putting myself in danger today,... because I’m suffering too much, maybe I’m not meant to be here.
"putting myself in danger today" worries me Starrlight...
We're all here if you need a listening ear or two. 
xx
I’m not being so safe. I’m not myself right now. I could live or die I don’t know but I feel like I’m not meant to be here much longer.
The PM boxes are always open Starrlight...
Or please reach out to your therapist or doctor..
You need to release these doomed feelings... xx
Thank you. I will call my therapist
As Agora says, reach out anytime Starr. Please. We are here for you. We are in this together to help each other.
Please reach out. Don’t let the darkness consume you. Please don’t. You were meant to be here. My best friend just Lost her son to those dark demons age 22 and everyone around him and his toddler is left in heartache and so manny questions, please I beg you to reach out, you are worth it. In those darkest of moments is when you got to fight and seek others to help you. Just like reaching or here and discussing it, but have someone at home too that can help you as well and check on you. Your worth it.
(((((((((((Hug)))))))))
Sorry for the loss of your best friend's Precious Son ❤️
xXx
Thank you Mary.
Many go through these feelings of not being happy with self. But not everybody is open about it.
Do you think you could be experiencing side effects of medication?
You are meant to be here - so that thought can be dismissed.
What's the worst thing that you are suffering now?
And -
How do you think that would compare to the suffering your children would endure . . . . if something were to happen to you.
I don’t want to hurt my kids at all. I know I’m disgusting I will try to get out of this feeling but it seems I can’t when I try.
You are not disgusting ! Who said that?
I just mean I feel so much guilt for being so depressed and anxious. I’m having a mental breakdown.
Yes, I have a lot of guilt. But we have to let go. We must forgive ourselves.
Sometimes we have to make a conscious effort to dismiss dark and unhealthy thoughts and think positive and truth. Think thankfulness for the good.
You are Precious, you are loved, you are needed.
These you know.
❤️ thank you , best to you
Is there a Crisis team you can call or do you have a Mental Health Nurse or Support Worker you can call now?
Did you succeed in getting through to your therapist?
I left her a message telling her I Amin distress. Thanks
Would it help to keep talking or would you prefer to rest, - if you are safe now ?
I think I’ll rest thanks
Goodnight from me in the UK x
Hi starrlight, we are all here for you please pm me🌸
Keep clinging to love, Starrlight -- it will carry you across this dark chasm.
I’m so hurt that it’s hard to get to the love right now. I feel guilty for that. I don’t know if I will keep going.
Love will carry you even when you cannot cling to it, when you are too hurt to hold fast. I'm not religious, but there's truth in that Bible verse that goes "Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
❤️ thank you
Big hugs❤ what's going on Starrlight?I'm here for you.
I don’t know. I am trying to do everything right and I just feel guilt for being how I am I love my kids more than anything and I’m not a good enough mom right now. I feel so much pain.
You ARE a good enough Mom. You just need to rest.
Pain management is really hard, it's ok that we can't be our best at these times of extreme pain. You will come through this. You sound mentally exhausted.
Yes I am so I am going to try to take the rest of the day off like just lay down and distract myself with movies.
I don't how kids ... but I can relate... that fear is keeping from wanting kids... Our past traumas weigh us down a lot... there's nothing to feel guilty about... you are working on it, healing takes time... You kids know they are loved by their mom & that is the most important thing. No one can do everything right... & it's okay. Love those who are important to you... be there for your kids & let ours be there for you. Let some of that pain out... scream/yell if you need to on your hike... cry... write it out. You are good enough... you've been through a lot & you are so strong... you survived.
❤️ thank you sooo 🙏 😊
My PM is always open for you dear one. Love you. Proud of you for reaching out.
Anxiety is horrible but we find the strength to battle on for our kids 🙏 keep going your stronger then you think
Thank you!!! ❤️
This is wonderful! I wonder, though, have you tried self-love? It's good to cling to love and to share yourself with others, but you have to have a self to share first. Sometimes, it's good to just be there with the anxiety, depression, and trauma, and feel self-compassion, mentally cradling yourself like you would a small kitten or puppy. You don't have to stuff the feelings down but love yourself through them. And self-love isn't selfish at all. If we don't give compassion for ourselves, we will not have the mental or physical energy to care for others. Keep loving yourself and others because, like you said, it is what connects us to everything and everyone!
You are awesome thanks
Im scared i can't feel love
Hi Lindsay! Love is there in you, it just sometimes gets covered up but is still shinning.
Thank you
Fight through the pain and find the StarLight! You might like the movie Winter’s Tale
Thank you
Is this about a relationship? You not clear? Keeping your guard up a little is a good idea. There are No guarantees. I just ended a 19 year relationship. I miss him, But when I think about All the arguing and how he’s been non supportive, I don’t miss that. He’s 60 still living with his parents, nothings changed from day One. He always has an excuse. So take it Slow or you’ll be in a relationship that will go Nowhere like Me. 🙏😷
Hello dear Starrlight ❤️
I have been a member of Healthunlocked for two years and seldom have l read a more descriptive emotional call for help.
Your use of words does you proud, through that we can all relate to your genuine need for love and understanding and most of all help.
I wish so very much that I could lift you up with your much loved children and place you gently down into a world just full of love and caring without any worries or stress. You deserve so much love, understanding, compassion and gentle hugs from all of us who care so much for you.
Through your emotional writing l am wondering if one of your medications might be contributing towards your such sad feelings. Just about every medication that I have been prescribed has warnings of ‘can call depression’ etc ! They are all so toxic, my body reacts badly to almost all medications and l know that many times they took me down to a very dark place. Do you have anyone medically medication trained today who could go through all your medications and check them out to see if any could be working in reverse?
We are all living in very dark times with Covid-19 which is not helping you l am sure.
Please remember to talk to us all when you need to, we all send you our prayers, love and very much caring.
I am in the same position as starlight and I do think in my case that medication is destroying me.....I want off of all of them but am afraid of the withdrawal.
Just a quick reply Usedtobehappy
Five years ago I was in ICU with sepsis with many incorrect prescribed medications after my second hip replacement.
I was unconscious and was brought round slowly by a most amazing woman doctor. She asked ‘where is the pain now’? I can remember replying ‘what pain’? I had been on ‘cold turkey’ without any medications!! I felt amazing, just goes to show, she slowly reintroduced now only a few medications and l felt so very much relief!
My body had been storing up all these toxic medications for quite a few years and could not process most of them, which caused major kidney damage.
What kind of drugs were you on...psychiatric ones? I am starting to think they are poison...
Hello Usedtobehappy
No, the prescribed medications that l was on were not psychiatric medications.
I have had so many diagnosed types of arthritis over the past twenty years (plus sixteen operations) and consequently given many types of medications that are unbelievably toxic. Many people are okay with this type of treatment but I must have a very sensitive body to all medications.
Painkillers, antibiotics and medications for inflammation are good but unfortunately not for me. They have destroyed my body over the years.
I wish you well Usedtobehappy and all that you wish for yourself.
Did you ever detox of these awful drugs
Hello Usedtobehappy
I very gradually went off of the most toxic medications. No more than one a year, l listened to my body completely.
I had to do it very gradually so that my body could adjust.
The only form of ‘detoxing’ l did was living off of a very healthy diet. No alcohol, because of the medications and cut back on all unhealthy eating.
Many doctors l found were to eager to hand out too much medication, completely crazy.
I take what I believe help me and I ditch the ones that don’t. Sometimes meds are necessary but I wish I wouldn’t need them.
I’m all messed up... am having to go off Zoloft and am waiting for Paxil to be delivered as it helped in the past. Thanks for being here for me!!!
How did you ever know if anything helped you?
Hi people without anxiety don't understand I cling to hope and Mt prayers for angel guidance and calmness I deep breath I've often felt like ending it all when anxiety been so bad my friend understood this when she awaited brain tumour results I've had one thing after another rats in my cavity from nebours drain for over a year breast cancer scare liver damage immune low now skin cancer and dad's buriel tomorro I'm in bed drinking red wine I wish you well
(((((((((Hug)))))))))) you are so strong. I’m so sorry for your loss and sorry you went through the health issues you’ve been through. What helps you? The thought of angels guiding? I like that. What else helps you? Blessings to you.
Hi yeu had some experience of spirit I am not that strong although I keep bouncing back so many times it's like I get a thing that makes me suddenly calm and cope when it gets real bad the lust is endless of past few years my mam had 2 heart attacks my dad had stroke for dementia pros to that I had ulcerative colitis then breast cancer scare before this had rats for a year in my roof from nebours drain they wrecked my roof I had to move out environment health couldn't do anything without proof I spend 6oo on roof repairs drains dug up
Lot more stuff too my immune systems low and I have cancer from it dad's funeral tomorrow once that's over can hope to get on he suffered so long 2 years innavhome falling all the time they kept ringing me middle night dad needs hospital I need to go I was looking after mam after her heart attack it's a relief but still sad I'll never see him again take care x
Sending love and peace to you((((((((((
Thanks
Hi Starrlight... hope you are doing ok. try to think of your most happiest times. you do belong here. please hang in there. I'm saying prayers for you not to hurt but to find peace n joy in the simplest things that you can do.
Thank sooooo much!
How are you? I understand your pain. Day by day. I’m looking for some peacefulness and sunshine like you.
Best to us! ☀️
What is your connection to God like?
It varies... I feel close and sometimes not feeling it or believing, othertimes talk and pray to Him. You?
I got a huge revelation about God being good and God being love always. I used to think my source of love was from others. When relationships failed I felt either I wasnt good or lovable enough (and fall into depression) or think the other person was a jerk and blamed them. When I found out that God loves me no matter what and that He is close, I could tap into that love whenever I needed it. Amazing! Meditation helped, music and love scriptures. 😊💖
Awesome, Tara!!! ❤️
I find nature helps me spiritually
Yes so true! God's Spitit so alive in nature. Are you able to watch the stars at night?,🌘
Good idea to watch the stars
And so what if we don’t have love? The bridge is not there. Are we supposed to love ourselves and that’s the love bridge? And if we hate ourselves?
Good point, something to think about. I think we can still have love deep inside us even if we are hating ourselves.
For the love of dogs♥️♥️
Love is a state of Being. You are Love ❤️ 
Wanting to be loved..
