So, even though I’m so depressed I can’t do much...

[Ubud2021]

I wake up between 8-9am. And it’s the same sh*t different day. I’m usually too depressed to do much. I do meditate a few times a week, but nothing physically stimulating.

I get so restless sometimes. Even though I don’t want to do anything?? I don’t know. I’ve been having multiple panic attacks a day again since I can’t get ketamine treatment anymore. So maybe the restlessness is anxiety.

But I did buy some plants/flowers yesterday for a project I will be doing (hopefully soon.) To give me something to do outside. I like my space looking nice. And within the past couple years I realized this meant your porch as well 😂🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Tomorrow I do have to go back to the nursery when it’s open because I forgot to get a few flowers for my hanging basket.

Does anyone else get this way??? You’re too depressed to do literally anything. But then you get restless from panic?

[Hidden]

It's hard. Some days I wake up with the best intentions of running the track or whatever...I then lose the spirit..part of depression....with depression it's also hard to make decisions and stick to them...

Try something light like a walk around the block or sitting outside.

Gretel XX

[Ubud2021 in reply to Hidden]

Yes, very true! I’ve also noticed in the past, that it’s helped me even more to write down my goal for that day the night before. Haven’t tried it in awhile. I guess I need to.

Thanks for your reply! Have a beautiful day 💕

[Hidden in reply to Ubud2021]

You have a beautiful day too! Just came back from a walk around the Garden City outdoor shopping center with my 2 dogs soon to be 3 and I'm hitting the track.

Take your time...no rushing needed

Gretel XX

[Hidden]

what's the reason u get worried? 😟

[Ubud2021 in reply to Hidden]

Uhh... a lot haha. I have panic disorder and agoraphobia... so if that says how high my anxiety is then... yeah.

Also, my family has completely shut me out. And are threatening to kick me out and also they are shutting off my phone. They’ve shut off my credit card and, since I can’t work with all my mental health struggles, I was relying on them for some support during this mental health relapse. Now I have absolutely nothing. I don’t have much friends, and my whole family hates me because my mom is very toxic right now and is twisting my words and the truth. So... I have pretty much 0 live support.

[Hidden in reply to Ubud2021]

Why are they being harsh on u??

Hug u my friend

[Ubud2021 in reply to Hidden]

I’m living by myself in my apartment, but my grandma owns it... and my mom is trying to talk my grandma into kicking me out. So I’ll be homeless. So. Yes, things are very hard right now.

[Hidden in reply to Ubud2021]

Grandma's don't kick granddaughters out

[penny-beau in reply to Hidden]

I agree how could you make a mentally ill person homeless?

[Ubud2021 in reply to penny-beau]

My mom is just very toxic right now. She is playing victim and feels like she needs power right now in her life at this time. That’s the only thing I can come up with. I had just barley gotten out of a suicidal state, and now, I’m back at square one. I’ve been calling hotlines and my clinic multiple times a week. I don’t know what exactly her goal is... I’ve waisted too much time trying to figure it out. It’s impossible. She’s just toxic right now. I think it’s just as simple as that.

[penny-beau in reply to Ubud2021]

Gosh I really feel for you but know all yo well what toxic people are like. Yes concentrate on yourself and trying to get yourself better as I’ve learnt only to well you can’t control what other people do , say it think. It’s horrible and lonely when you really need support and to talk so we are all here for you

[Hidden in reply to Ubud2021]

Big hug sweety! I'm sorry...xx

[Ubud2021]

Awe, you’re so kind 💕💕 id definitely hug you back!! I am in need of a long hug!

[Hidden]

Me too...XX

[penny-beau]

That’s disgusting I really feel for you. I’m suffering the same so your not alone , why are they treating you like this?

[Hidden]

I felt like that before I got on antidepressants. Now I am living a normal happy life! If I have to be on them for the rest of my life, then so be it!

[Hidden]

Do you take antidepressants?