is it postnatal depression

[noni09]

hi everyone. i just recently had a baby 3 weeks ago. I love her but i have been battling with depression throughout my pregnancy. my husband was flirting with another woman online and was unapologetic about it. i sacrificed my job,body and academics and as we speak he's out drinking with his friend while i take care of a crying baby. he sleeps throughout the night while he knows i'm still trying to get my degree i have been suicidal for years and i think having a newborn is making me worse. i should have listened to hi when he suggested an abortion

[saracar]

Especially at the beginning, it is super hard. I am not trying to be judgmental because I truly have been through it too. My one piece of advice is this little tiny one needs you. Especially now. If you need help, search for it.

I had my ups and downs and was depressed when my daughter was growing up. But one thing I did do was to be there for her when she was an infant. I know it is a huge sacrifice right now. They need you so much. You sleep when she sleeps.

Also not trying to be against men. There are good ones out there. But I’m so sorry you have to be treated like that. Sometimes I look at it like it’s about breaking the cycle. But, even though my husband died of cancer . . . He was there.

I am not depressed now and I know that my daughter has her difficulties for having had a mom like me and having lost her dad. But, she is good and is best thing in my life. She will be old enough to go to college soon. I think her kids will not have issues and that maybe she won’t. I can only hope.

Hope it helps. Sending love.

[noni09 in reply to saracar]

worst part we live together because i have nowhere to go. he always has a short temper when it comes to me

[saracar]

Also, I was 36 when I gave birth to my first child. And, I did get postpartum too but not til she was like 1 1/2

[Hidden]

I can empathize with you. I dealt with depression before, during, and after my pregnancies, to varying degrees. I was 5 months pregnant (unexpectedly), when I married. We had talked of marriage, but it was moved up because of my pregnancy.

I know that culture can play a big role in how we deal with things in life. Sometimes you are offered advice that won’t help because of where you live and that society/culture. Where do you live?

[noni09 in reply to Hidden]

i live in south africa. lobola(dowry) has been paid. i feel trapped

[HeartLove2]

Noni9, I wish I could give you a break and hold your little one for a short time while your rest. I have been there. Aggravating. I had a similar situation when my first was 3mos old; I just cried alone on the floor with my baby. When I was done, I listed my options, pick myself up, and moved forward. The newborn stage is so all-consuming as a mom. Build a tribe of women (like us) who really get it. Remind yourself to meet your own needs first. Then baby. You are loved!!!!

[JkBauer]

Oh, Hon,

I am so proud of you for not getting an abortion! - I am sorry that you are going through this depression. Do you have a close sister, mother, family member/ friend that you can lean on for support and encouragement? When I feel all alone and just want to cry, I cry out to God and tell Him all about my terrible time. Then when I am kind of pulled back together, I call my girlfriend and she helps by listening to me, sometimes we will just talk. Sometimes, I talk to her instead of my husband because she understands the emotional side that men do not understand just because they are men. - Do you have a counselor that you are seeing? Maybe you can get into a church support group (there is one called "Celebrate Recovery.") I went to one with my sister, excellent support group. Celebrate Recovery Homepage I hope this can help you find support and encouragement. I am praying for you.