Dealing with specific triggers?

[silentdreamer20]

How do you handle the situation when your trigger for anxiety and, ultimately, depression is a person you can't just "drop"?

[Roukaya]

This is something I seem to understand

I live by myself , I have no one but have an elderly Mother who puts all her worries on me

It is very difficult to draw boundaries with a person you can’t just drop as you say

[silentdreamer20 in reply to Roukaya]

I guess dropping was a poor use of words. I have used different methods for years to try to turn the situation into a positive one. It does change for short amounts of time as long as I submit myself to however they want me. But then it goes back to a toxic situation as soon as I do something they are displeased with. I have distanced myself tremendously, which has then caused problems with others. But I don’t know what else to do. They are just very toxic for me. My anxiety sky rockets as soon as they knock on my door. Or, like recently, a situation came up that I knew would bring them to my house and I started worrying a day ahead. I’m at the point I want to move out of state to escape them, but I can’t.

[Roukaya in reply to silentdreamer20]

I hope you are safe and well

You say you have distanced yourself ?

Could you explain who you have distanced yourself from ?

Could you explain why they are toxic to you

[silentdreamer20 in reply to Roukaya]

They are my in-laws.

They are toxic to the point my MIL actually enjoys causing emotional hurt on others. She will go as far to go out of her way to either not speak to me the entire time we are together, in close quarters. She has tried to hit me, called me every name in the book. Threatened to take my child from me, with no reason. Just because she always wanted a daughter. I told her she can try, I know I’m a good mom so I’m not worried. The list goes on. Eleven years of this. She’s not allowed to see my niece and nephews because she’s done this to my former Sister in law too.

She takes monster in law to a different level.

[Roukaya in reply to silentdreamer20]

I think it is very hard with family

Nobody can hurt or cause us pain like family members

But it is important for you to keep your distance to protect yourself and your children

It is hard but important to keep away from those who cause us harm

[silentdreamer20 in reply to Roukaya]

I try very hard to distance and I have, but it does cause conflict with my husband.

[hypercat54 in reply to silentdreamer20]

You haven't got to let them into your house, so don't. Tell them to stay away or you will call the police. It might be worth thinking about a restraining order as well. I would cut all contact with them.

You don't say anything about the children's father, but does he back you?

[silentdreamer20 in reply to hypercat54]

It does cause conflict with my husband. He backs me to an extent, but this is what he grew up with. In his eyes this is, “just the way they are.” He understands we don’t get along but with certain events he guilts me into attending and I end up in an emotional hell. My Dr. actually put me on anxiety medicine specifically for those events, to get me through them. I start behavioral therapy -again- soon to help me with this. I want to move away, but my husband says we won’t be able to find a job with good health ins like we have right now. I have chronic illnesses and we currently have good ins that we really need. I have tried for years, for the sake of my family, but it has all ended with me being hurt more. I recently found out my former sister in law has been going through the same with my in-laws. They treat the mothers of their grandchildren as if we are just here to birth their grandchildren and that’s all. We get no respect or love, only hate from them. I found out from other family members that they have said awful things about me when it comes to my health. It also makes me feel a type of way toward my husband. He has my back with big things, but brushes off the way they treat me. I have learned to let my MIL say what she wants to me and calmly defend myself, it makes her look like a nut (which is what she is) but then she retaliates and it makes things that much worse. She just wants to fight. My daughter chose to stop going there for a while because she said they were talking bad about me and she won’t let them do that. She has a good relationship with her grandparents, but she is my mini me and she won’t let anyone belittle me or her dad. My in-laws talk trash about me and my sil to our kids all the time, but the kids are getting older now and they know right from wrong. They are taking a stand on their own. It’s a terrible situation. I wish we could move, I’m not giving up on wanting to move.