I can't stop

[Flor1]

Lately I had been felling depressed with a lot of anxiety and I trying so, hard to stop and smell the roses like my daughter says. She came to visit today after 8 months from our last argument. She told me that I didn't wanted to stop with my anxiety and depression, that I am not appreciate everything I have. She named all the good and love that I am surrounded it. I know that! but I can't stop. I said that I need it more time and I knew that It was a bad behavior that I learned and practiced for 49 years and it wasn't easy for me to change in a year. She told that I was making excuses to continue with my bad behavior. She left my place really upset and crying after that. I feel so horrible! I tried and tried every day to recognize happiness and love. I think I am addicted to mental pain and I am looking for excuses to stay like this. I am always in up hurting people that I loved. I love them but i don't love my self, why I can't stop? I started working from home because I had a hard time at work so now I hardly go out or talk to anybody and I like it because I don't have to hide or justify my feelings but I feel lonely. I am addicted to mental pain? I don't know anymore, I am getting super crazy!!! I can't get alone with my daughter, son, friends and family anymore. Now feel more depressed and lonely then ever in my life!!! Why I have to excit?, I feel miserable every day!! I made the people close to me miserable too. So, what is the point????