Spiraling

[JMB1989]

I am in a 3 month long depression episode. My wife left me Sept 12th. I have had depression most of my adult life. I am not diagnosed. I am a mental health counselor which makes this worse. I know exactly what is wrong and I have no belief that Meds or couseling will resolve this. I have been functional with it a vast majority of the time. I have had 4 or 5 episodes that were severe. I am in one right now. I have a great deal of health issues. Heart attack that destroyed a great deal of heart function. I know what my eventual death will look like. I took care of my mother when she was dying from heart failure. I am still professionally functional. I have a great deal of trouble getting motivated to leave my house. That is the new symptom. I always was able to get up and get to work. It was a coping concept. I always went to work when i had symptoms. Gave me focus. Now I dont want to leave my house. My medical will not be affordable soon. Cannot afford the medication copays. I will deteriorate. I have accepted that.

[hypercat54]

I am grateful to be in the UK where medical insurance and co-pays aren't needed.

[JMB1989 in reply to hypercat54]

In the US it is big business. Medical care is extremely expensive. I have insurance. The copays for my meds are a few hundred dollars a month. I was in the hospital so much in 2019 that my co pay obligation was fullfilled. Meds been free last 4 months. My wife left me with all the bills in my name. So I am not able to afford the meds when the new year comes.

[Sunnidayz1]

There is hope. That is what you have. I think all too often we get stuck in the pity party and dont look at what we have. Im not minimizing your pain. I understand that you are feeling what u are feeling. To me when I get really sad, I dont make myself get out of the rut. Your mind can get you out. Let your emotions feel. Eventually just "being"will be enough to live. And then build on that. It takes work & strength but it's worthwhile. Anything that is valuable in life takes work n energy. Life is hard. Who said it was easy? Happiness is a choice!! It doesnt come freely. There is so much in this world that can allow anyone to get depressed on a daily basis. Again, happiness is a choice. My religion helps me stay strong and positive. My connection keeps me strong & happy through the storms of life.

Allow yourself to feel what you feel-get it all out! We are all human. Dont allow yourself to stay in the muck though. Life is too short. Life can be beautiful if u allow it to be. You are much stronger than this!

With a little work, this too shall pass!

SunnidayzXx

[lillyofthevalley37]

Allow yourself to stay in and grieve but you must try to get back to work

I'm so sorry you are heartbroken but you must try for some semblance of normality?

I feel for you and pray you find strength to go foward

You might even meet someone else one day

[JMB1989 in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

I am working. I have not stopped. I work 7 days a week. 2 jobs. Average 74 hours. I am dating. Its the medical expenses. You would figure a person who works 2 jobs can make it. Well I take a bucket of meds. Dr visits and procedures. I also have all the household bills. I am a working poor man. So my wifes contribution was necessary. I have Diabetes, retinopathy, toe amputation, nerve damage in legs and arms, congestive heart failure. I am dieing. Congestive heart will end me. My wife could not watch me die. Those are her words. I am starting to not want to do anything. This is another depression symptom.

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to JMB1989]

Evening primrose oil is good for diabetes do you have type one or two?

Most of the poor people in UK are working and going to food banks system is geared up for the wealthy it's not fair

Glad you.are working and getting out everyday

Shame on your wife for deserting you in your hour of need

Keep going JMB.life is full of surprises