Take courage, there is so much beauty in the world which can be a source of salvation.

[Kkimm]

I have just had a lovely weekend in Lincoln for Pete and I to celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary. It is such a beautiful historic little city and is located fairly near the wild Lincolnshire coast where grey seal pups are born each winter between November and December and can be viewed at close hand at a nature reserve called Donna Nook until around the end of December. Over 2 thousand were born this year which is a record and great source of hope and celebration. I will do a post about them with photos soon.

We had a very special time exploring this lovely city with steep cobbled streets and wonderful cathedral and castle at the top. There was a Christmas fair going on when we arrived with colourful stalls squeezed in under the eaves of the ancient houses and lighting up the little cobbled squares.

It was magical and took me back to the time we had done a trip to Norwich another lovely little city only just over two years ago.

However I could not have felt more different. I can hardly believe that I was the same person who had been so afraid and felt so ill on the first weekend away I forced myself to do after first becoming ill with GAD and depression that summer. I remember walking around the streets and feeling so light headed and sick that I thought I would collapse. My heart was pounding and I felt sure my blood pressure must be rising dangerously high.

Pete was enjoying exploring the ancient crooked houses in the area opposite the cathedral called Tombland. A quaint old name which sounds as if it has been made up by Disney. I made myself go through the motions when all I wanted to do was to arrive at the restaurant for our evening meal and get a glass or two of wine down me so I could begin to feel a little better and less afraid.

I know many people still feel as I did in that terrible first 4 months before my antidepressants started to kick in and gave me my life back and more.

I so feel for everyone still suffering and want to say there is hope, you can feel normal, safe and happy again and start living once more.

Starting antidepressants was a horrendous process for me and I so nearly gave up many times. I can only be so grateful to those who helped me go through the terrible early months until very gradually the light came back on in my life and has remained there. It was the antidepressants and the challenges I made myself undertake which got me through, along with the support of amazing friends both online and off. Certain family members who understood somehow were also a constant source of support and encouragement.

It is so hard for those without anyone who can provide support and Christmas time can highlight the loneliness, anxiety and depression they are feeling. Trying to get out and about and enjoy the beauty around you, both man made and in the natural world can be a life raft to cling to until you gradually begin to heal.

My thoughts and best wishes are with all who are suffering at this time.

Kim

[Hidden]

Hello Kim

The last time We were down at Lincolnshire was when we first got married, very attractive county with attractive properties around the outskirts of the Cathedral.

I personally find diversions you mentioned above helps in controlling your Low Mood.

Generally we have several breaks in the Autumn/Winter, you can get some very good breaks in hotels at that time of year and the resorts and Cities can be quite peaceful and it is easier to visit many of the sites at this time of year.

They say a Change is as Good as a Rest, I personally agree, we take our dog, Pax with us and he loves the change of being away as well.

My main hobbies are the National Trust, English Heritage and Historic Houses so we have breaks in Spring, Summer and Autumn visiting these properties . In the Winter we visit Cathedrals, churches and Museums. We also have a good collection of Reference where we can check up what there is to visit.

Look for activities you enjoy, even gardening can be good for the soul. The problem is inactivity can make our Depression worse. However when we make plans to get away a more positive mood can be anticipated. Just because it is Winter does not mean there is nothing to do.

Hopefully your holiday will make you appreciate wonderful things and you will of course feel better for the break

BOB

[Kkimm in reply to Hidden]

Hi Bob

Thanks for your great reply.

I agree it is often alot nicer to visit places when out of season.

All the best.

Kim

[Sprinkle1]

Hello Kkimm, thank you so much for the lovely photos, I am a Lincolnshire "Yellow Belly" I was born in Grimsby, lived in Grantham (another old town), lived in Lincoln for 4 years, it stole my heart, I loved Steep Hill. Did you know Lincoln was the center of the wool industry in the 1300's. The last public hanging was held at the Castle, it was a woman! The Fosdyke was dug out by slaves the Romans put to work, to make transport to the river Trent.

I am so glad you enjoyed what I consider as my City, we climbed up all the steps in the Cathedral to the highest point and had a wonderful view of the surrounding countryside.

I am so glad you are out of your depression, I have just come out of a three year battle with depression/anxiety, it is wonderful to feel human again and be fully functioning. I do not like to take pills, I am grateful everyday to swallow my antidepressants, I am on 3!!! I know what it is like to want to give up, but somehow have managed to fight this awful illness that has plagued me on/off all my life. If we can do it, take heart anyone who reads these posts, we can get well, we need the right med's, love, support and understanding. I am by myself, so do not have a support system, I have a wonderful Therapist who gives me love, support, encouragement, used to be Christmas time was generally a bad time for me, this year I am OK, grateful to be so. I look for the migrating birds, any flowers blooming, enjoy the Xmas lights and decorations about me. I know the New Year will be coming and Spring will not be far away, a time to re-new.

I wish for you all a season of peace, with little or no suffering. Glad to be alive.....Sprinkle 1...

[Kkimm in reply to Sprinkle1]

Hello Sprinkle

I so enjoyed reading your reply and learning more about your beautiful city.

I have the same feelings you describe about being able to enjoy a flower opening or a beautiful sunset etc. Having been through terrible depression and anxiety does have the silver lining of helping one to really value the small things after recovery.

Wonderful that you are out of your depression and are able to enjoy life again. Sorry to hear you are on your own but you are lucky to have such an amazing therapist.

I had another lovely experience the other day as I sing with a community choir even though I do not have much of a voice. We sang in a concert for homeless charities in a lovely old Suffolk church. The little market town was lit up for Christmas and the church tower stood out against a black moonlit sky. The acoustics were wonderful and our voices soared high into the rafters as we sang Gaudette, Wassail, Ding dong merrily on high and Merri it is, amongst many others. This last one is the oldest known song ever recorded and is in beautiful quaint old English. It describes how wonderful it is to be out of the cold dark winter days when spring comes. I can well imagine how hard winters were for our ancestors hundreds of years ago.

Mince pies and mulled wine afterwards completed a very memorable evening.

Singing really raises the spirits!! as well as presenting a chance to raise money for a great cause.

I so hope you enjoy Christmas, do keep in touch if you feel it will help, I think we have a similar outlook on life as well as some common interests and experiences.

Very best wishes.

Kim