Getting anxiety from petty things.

I am getting anxious when things don't get done that day or time that I want them to be done. I know it is petty cause there are some things you can't control. Sometimes you have to patiently wait. But the waiting part is making me more anxious and can't focus on anything until it's done. I am afraid and worried that it will never get done. All the negative thoughts racking my brains as I try to patiently wait. I am stressing myself truthfully but I just can't help it. I want to control this anxious feeling.

[mvillarreal]

What kinds of things are you worried about getting done?

[Hidden in reply to mvillarreal]

Getting a check up from my doctor, when suddenly he's not available. I have to wait till tomorrow.

When my friend had to cancel a dinner bonding and we need to re-schedule it.

Those kinds of things. It's petty to some people. But to me it's making me really anxious and afraid that they will cancel again.

[Saltwater]

Hi Jewelmoon17, what a beautiful username!

I would like to try to help you if I can. I experience the same things and I think I may know why you are feeling this way.

I suspect that since you are here on this forum that you are having some issues with anxiety and depression and this might be causing your overthinking. You see, that's what anxiety does. It makes you blow things out of proportion. You are spending a lot of time in your own head and ruminating over thoughts and feelings. It can be hard to break the cycle.

People with anxiety often feel out of control and it makes us feel better to have a pattern, an order, a schedule. It is why anxiety often goes hand in hand with OCD. We try to control our fear, our thoughts and feelings by doing things in a certain way which lends itself to even more fear and anxiety.

We attempt to control our anxiety by controlling the world around us. We don't like change whether that be a change of plans or appointment or whatever. We struggle with things that aren't familiar and don't respond well when someone moves the goal posts. What bothers people most about change is because it is unexpected and you can't control it. There is so much going on in the mind of an anxious and depressed person that they really feel the need to keep things simple and control their surroundings and environment in order to minimise stress. However, since you can only control so much, this actually leads to more anxiety because change is sometimes inevitable. Resisting change is just ways that we try to cope with our anxiety.

It may be that keeping up with 'normal life' is really difficult for you, all the simple things that everyone else finds easy.......going to the shops, meeting up with a friend, having a check up.....are you overwhelmed by upcoming plans?

People with anxiety issues can use up quite a lot of nervous energy, worrying about upcoming events. It is rather a relief to get them out of the way. When someone cancels, I hate it because although I often don't even want to do whatever it is, I still want to get it out of the way, so I can relax again. Cancelling it just prolongs the worry.

I spent weeks building myself up to a hospital appointment for a rather intrusive examination. I literally lost so much time just worrying about it, but on the actual morning, I felt relief because I felt in control....it would soon be out of the way and I could get on with being me again. Then the phone rang and it was cancelled an hour before I had to be there, as the doctor hadn't made it in. You would think that I would be happy that it was cancelled, since I was literally dreading it, but the thing is, I knew that I still had to have it, and now I would have to spend even longer worrying about it and waiting for it to come. They rearranged it for after Christmas so I felt like I would lose all Christmas worrying about it.

Often, we try to carry on despite anxiety and depression. We try to live out a 'normal life' and push ourselves to do the things that we are meant to enjoy, even though it is hard for us to see them through. The truth is, for me, I hate it when I have plans. Part of me wants to do things, but the other part wants to retreat and be left alone. I used to dread messages coming through because I wouldn't want to have to worry about going out or meeting up....I eventually had to push friends away because I couldn't keep up with the social life they wanted.

I suspect that since you are getting anxious about these small things, that you might need to slow things down a little for yourself. Don't feel pressure to arrange too many meetings or days out. Do what you feel you are able to do.

You might have a little bit of OCD. I have it when I am stressed. It makes me get really upset over small, insignificant things like rain on my washing or forgetting something at the supermarket. Things stick in my head and the thoughts cycle over and over. Then all the other thoughts start coming......and fight for my attention. It can be exhausting. This happens to me a lot at night when I can't switch off to go to sleep. I spend my nights going over things and conversations....did I do things well enough? Did everyone enjoy their meal? Did I say anything to upset anyone? Did I do a good job? Have I paid the bills? Have I forgot something? What if it was important?.......and on it goes....I really should put something more interesting on my ceiling because I spend much of the night looking at it!

Try mindfulness. It will really help you relax your mind and slow down those racing thoughts. Remind yourself that change is not a bad thing, that it is outside of your control and you can learn to accept it. Try not to spend too much time in your head. When you do, distract yourself by doing some exercise to get rid of the excess energy. Avoid stimulants too, like coffee and alcohol and try to break the negative thought patterns by focusing on simple things like the moment you are in, your breathing etc...Don't feed the thoughts. Shake them out and get busy doing something you like.

Accept that we have very little control over these things and don't fight them. Live simply and in the moment and don't think too far ahead.

The world will not end if something changes and you don't need to feel the need to control it. Mindfulness will help you slow things down, but in the meantime, cut yourself some slack and don't make too many plans unless you know you really want to go. It could be that you are worrying about them being cancelled because you really want to get them out of the way?

((hugs))

[Hidden in reply to Saltwater]

Wow thank you so much Saltwater. You really summed up how I am feeling each and every day. Yeah, I think i have OCD. That's why it's hard for me to accept changes and adapt to them like other people. I may say that I am not as flexible as others are. I need time to adapt to changes in my life, people and environment for me to cope well.

True, I would sleep late thinking over and over the events of the day. Especially when something went wrong. Or I would think what I need to do tomorrow, some task I need to solve and do. I can only do so much in a day anyway. Yeah I hate myself for forgetting some things most of the time.

I will truly accept your advise. Thinking too much is only giving me headache and destroys my focus on the important things.

Walking near a park helps ease my mind. Doing some art works or writing on my journal when my head is too filled up with thoughts.

Yeah I will find some more things that will help distract my mind from too much thinking. Thank you so much for this. I thought it's only me who's going over this kind of scenario.

[Saltwater in reply to Hidden]

You are so welcome. You are not on your own with this, not by a long shot. It is very common to go through what you are experiencing. Often, overthinking is our mind's way of dealing with the increased pace of modern life. It Is very hard to switch off sometimes.

I have a learnt a few techniques along the way. I find it helps to write down the troubling thought. Often, we flag things as important in our mind, by going over them constantly, we highlight them as important. Your brain will then constantly remind you of your troubles! Around and around they go until they drive you crazy. It's like, 'you need to remember this'....no matter how insignificant it is.

Writing down a thought can help you forget what you are worrying about. It gives you relief because once you write it down, it signals to the brain that you can relax, you have addressed it, so then you can stop thinking about it.

I jot them down on like a tiny little flip pad, then turn the page. I don't read them back. Then I throw it in the recycling when it's full. (God knows what they think of my head down at the recycling plant!)

Writing it down can help us to see that our concerns aren't necessary because we realise then that we have stopped thinking about them. It kind of frees you up to get on with things until you don't even recall what it was you were mulling over.

I also try the 5 thinking hats technique. There are lots of techniques out there for you to try. See what works for you.

I also find being out in nature really soothing. I find all the distractions a welcome way to free up a cluttered mind. Birds singing, the wind in the trees and swishing of the grass...

The worst thing for me about all the overthinking is the self loathing. When I get in my head and all the thoughts taunt me, so too does the critical inner voice....'you're useless you are, I can't believe you did that, no one else is like you, every one else is better than you'.......It is best to get out of your head as soon as you feel yourself dwelling on something. Switch direction, say something nice about yourself and focus on the world around you. Be Mindful, not MIND FULL.

[Hidden in reply to Saltwater]

Same here. I am the worst critic of myself hehehe. I'll do that often right it down and throw in the trash bin so nobody could read it. Hehehe.

I'm gonna check that out 5 thinking hats technique. It's new to me.