So I've always been pretty shy but I've come along way . People still seem to mention "have you always been like this" "why are you so quiet" etc. It kind of gets to me because I don't know any other way to be. Just going to an interview sometimes gets my heart racing and I try to relax (I've gotten alot better with time and experience) . I still can't seem to find a job yet.. most ads say "MUST be outgoing , a permanent smile etc. " And that's not me. My previous work was as the back of house as a prep cook/dishwasher but I quit because I couldn't take the repetitiveness of the job. I just had an interview today where the interview lady said" are you always this shy"?. I said yes. I'm just not sure how to take these peoples comments etc. I've always been kind of a loner and outcast so I just hope I find the right fit . It's been a wreck and my live in ex boyfriend is giving me a time limit to find a job. Anyone have any advice or suggestions??? Please and thank you!!
Introverted & job searching - Anxiety and Depre...
Introverted & job searching
that seems like an odd thing for the interview lady to ask. i can definitely relate though, i've always been on the quiet/shy side too. same as you, i feel like i have gotten better with time and experience ... that whole 'fake it till you make it' advice. add to that the time limit to find a job, that just makes a difficult situation even more difficult - it's hard enough to find a job, but to do it with a deadline is dang near impossible. i wish i had some sage wisdom or really good advice i could give you, but all i have is to share that i have been where you are, and i believe in you that you can do it. and you are definitely in the right place for advice & suggestions.
Thank you!
🤔.....................................................💡instead of saying you are shy tell them you are just a good listener.
She didn't ask she just said that randomly. I was caught off guard so I just said yes. Plus I thought you were supposed to let the interviewer do all the talking 🤔😶
I am not judging how you handled the situation. I am just sharing what I would say next time someone says that. Who says that to someone they are interviewing? Its weird.
Oh ok. Right!? I've never really had that happen. She also asked me if I can count like wow lady. But ya thanks that's a good point! I Always thought that too instead of quiet just a good listener. 😊
can you count? I would have told her yeah one 🖕. The lady sounds like an ass.
No it's you they are trying to find out about which is why they ask you loads of questions. Most are atypical questions so prepare some answers in advance ie why do you want to work for this company and so on. Also think of a couple of questions ie what are the promotion chances. They are looking to see if you have the skills they want and whether you will fit in. x
Wow I so relate to this! I used to work in daycare/teach preschool. I even tried to be head of a daycare. I realized very quickly my personality& shyness could never be content with that kind of job.. but now Im a nanny. I have no co workers! I get to get paid to help raise 3 amazing kids. Its a lot of responsibility and pressure for sure. But its a good fit for me. And I enjoy the structure and routine but the added bonus of each day bringing new challenges and tasks.
I wish you the best of luck to find something that makes you happy. Just try and remember every new situation is scary and then you get used to it. At least you are making an effort to put yourself out there! : ) youre doing great and certainly not alone in feeling this way.
Aw thank you!! Means alot
How did you get that job?
I met the family through working at the daycare. They left the daycare and a few weeks later I left. Word spread that I stopped working there. They contacted me and told me they were thinking about hiring a nanny and asked if I was available. At that point I had nothing lined up for a job. They asked to talk with me in person to discuss what the needs would be. The next day they said they would love to have me. It was the luckiest Id felt in awhile. Its always bringing on new challenges but after several years I really cant picture doing anything else. You can also find jobs on care.com. if its something your interested in.
Sounds like you need an interesting job where you can just work at your own pace on your own or just a couple of others kind of thing. If you love animals maybe an animal sanctuary. There are lots of interesting jobs that people don't usually think about that are suitable for quiet people. You said your ex is putting the pressure on, you might have to just fake it till you make it in order to get yourself in a position where you can move on. It sounds like your ex would want you to leave if you don't start paying?
True. It's just hard when you're relying on someone and don't have much work experience. I'm trying my best but refuse to do fast food , which I don't see why it's a big deal it's my life. And yeah he said he might move back in with his parents because he's tired and that I would just have to figure it out and get a roommate and room all within a month? Like wow that's not even possible. He's giving me time to find something so ya I'm just hoping something comes up asap! Thanks for the reply!!
I don’t know if this might be an option but, how do you feel about talking on the phone with people? I was like you very shy face to face. I got a job at a call enter and it was easier for me to talk on the phone. I practiced and built my confidence that way and then used those skills to better my face to face interactions. 🤗
Im crap at interviews! Words come out of my mouth that make no sense - even to me!! Registering with an agency was great for me. They just find you a position and you don't often have to interview because of the short notice. You just get in there and do the job. I find that to my advantage because Im good at what I do - I just can't talk it up at an interview.
Good luck with whatever you do.
Sue
Yeah I've looked into a few temp agencies but the reviews are not that great. Plus I kind of want something permanent but I am kind of desperate for something so 🤷🤔
Hey Live4it20, when you mentioned, you've come a long way...I wonder what that means...? How were you before? That you now have overcome?
I want you to know that in the same way you've come a long way from before, you can deal with any situation you're dealing with. It's not a problem necessarily to be shy but unfortunately, some people take it to mean something else. Hence, the comments of your interviewer.
My tip is that you start by "tooting your own horn", so-to-speak, when it comes to talking about yourself. You can say, "I am quiet and mostly shy but I am a hard worker and I believe in good customer service. I appreciate when people give it to me when I'm out shopping and I like to give that back in return in the work that I do".
So in other words, don't let that... "yeah, I'm shy, always have been" be the last thing you say.
On another note, I wonder what would happen if you questioned your own thoughts...
"I don't know any other way to be" and "that's not me".
Imagine if you just questioned those thoughts and instead thought, "Even though I've always been quiet and shy, I know I am capable of speaking up and at least, smile and attempt to be friendly in my own way. "
See the difference?
The first one seems so permanent, as if you can't do anything about it. But you can, we all can. We are just used to being a certain way.
Your second thought, "It's not me" is just another thought. What if you didn't make it so permanent? What if you changed that to..."That's not me NOW but it's not impossible."
You are a dynamic human being just like the rest of us, therefore capable of MANY things you don't yet believe are possible. Believe in your own growth and potential. Believe in your own ability to be flexible, malleable and impermanent. Good luck!
Great reply x
I am such an introvert. most jobs say that because they just want a good compassionate person on the job! Just try and fake smiles. When I go into interviews I have to make myself seem energetic and happy. Its not who I am but I need the money and I also know that I have great qualities even if I'm shy or dont smile much
I am doing a webinar on Monday designed for introverts, shy people and those with social anxiety. I am still introverted, not much shy anymore and do still experience social anxiety. It doesn't take me out anymore or stop me from doing what I want to do. Please join me if this is a problem for you. Would love to support you any way I can. zoom.us/webinar/register/WN...
It’s hard to change the habits of a lifetime.i was quiet at school,got picked on.when I was 18,I made a decision to be more outgoing.it was very gradual,but 50 years on,am outgoing,will speak my mind- much happier,apart from lupus and NSIP.
Perhaps you could have kept your boring job until you find something better.
Tell yourself, I’m Brilliant and try to project this.sounds crazy,but it works for me.
We all are different we are who we are in our own unique way job searching is very stressful for anyone me 57 a workaholic and been working since a child so I am searching too interview today we all get anxious when interview comes u are human and normal whatever that is lol
I must say my mind says lady you are 18 and can do any hard work but body says hey 57 now admit it u can't do all that hard labor like u have been me and aging are not best friend buy trying to accept it u hang in there
Boy, do I feel you! I’m introverted myself, and have had to force myself over my lifetime to pretend to be interested in boring social chitchat, just so people won’t think I’m weird. When I meet a person I can have a real conversation with, it’s like a gift from the gods.
What kind of work do you do? I’m in technical writing/editing, which can be a good occupation for introverts. Also try web development or software development. Those are occupations where people are pretty much forced to stop bugging you if they want you to get your work done. It gives you a built-in excuse to say, “Not now, I really need to get this done.” Or at least to wear headphones most of the time.
Look at them straight in the eye and just tell them "I get friendly with people who have the same interest as myself". It's the best thing I could think of. You have to feel comfortable with how you answer. It's tough, maybe others could post their thoughts. Good luck to you.
Sorry, I know from experience what you're going through. Since I was a kid I've live a life of avoidance as I try to avoid everything. Job seeking was always really difficult for me. I think I make a terrible first impression. However, once I'm comfortable I do very well. One think I would do is not take those job descriptions so literally. Everyone has their own way of doing things and I bet you do too. And not everyone wants Sally Talks-Alot. For instance, I'd rather talk to someone like you and not be overwhelmed. Be confident in what you can accomplished doing it your way rather than trying to be someone else.
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