Concern about my wife

[JP1972]

Hello all. Just wondering for some advice, out of ideas at this point. My wife is on terminal kidney failure stage. She’s changing personality due to illness. She is 43 years old and we have 3 kids, 2 of them very young. She’s talking about do nothing regarding treatment. Very aggressive with close ones .... even with the kids. Already try psychiatrist but behavior continues... can’t take pills due to kidney failure... thank you for taking time to read others problems... have a good one.

[Hidden]

Maybe just start trying to show her how much you care( it seems like you already do considering you’re here on her behalf) but maybe if you can remember something from the past that she loved and try and bring that thing back around somehow? This sounds incredibly hard (my uncle is going through something similar his wife has liver failure) I’ve seen the toll it takes on their kids( they’re a little older) but still very sad to see them becoming depressed. When they were visiting he took her to a place she always wanted to go but they’d never had the time, and it made a difference in her mood to see that he remembered. It doesn’t have to be anything crazy( I’m not sure how realistic leaving the house and area with her doctors) but maybe there was a local business or something she never really got to check out or a location nearby. Small but meaningful gestures.. no personal experience on the matter, but just wanted to suggest that if you haven’t already tried

[JP1972]

Thanks for your time to answer. I’ll do my best to bring nice memories ....

[Hidden in reply to JP1972]

I hope you can hold onto your strength through this difficult time, I’m sure there will be other suggestions soon, i just wanted to give my best suggestion.. it sounds incredible difficult and i really don’t know what I would be able to do if I was in your shoes.. At the very least you can come here for support when you’re feeling down or in a difficult spot

[JP1972 in reply to Hidden]

Much love, whoever you are. Thanks just for being here

[Hidden in reply to JP1972]

Much love to you as well. And someone will almost always be here even if not me. support is something that we don’t seem to get enough of from the people in our everyday lives.

[TrustnGod]

I’m sorry to hear of what you’re going through. It sounds almost like she’s giving up. Has she tried treatments that haven’t helped?

[JP1972 in reply to TrustnGod]

Thank you for your kind words. We supposed to go for transplant but a month ago she had an internal bleeding on her right kidney that almost ... anyway, she was at ICU for a while and being there somehow affect her in a way I can’t describe... now she seems different. This afternoon she said, no transplant, no dialysis... I will try for good memories as adviced and any other ideas are welcome. Maybe she is giving up but I’m still here for her and will fight as much as I can... thanks again for your words.

[TrustnGod in reply to JP1972]

I am so sorry. That just breaks my heart. The ICU is definitely an intense place to be in and only God knows what she witnessed whilst in there. Maybe she saw something that changed her. I guess just really pray and hope for the best and continue fighting because anything could happen. Like the other comment said, try to make good memories with her. Maybe something will give her hope and she’ll want to try for dialysis or a transplant again. My heart is with you and I’ll be praying for you guys. Please keep us updated if that’s not too much.

~Lia

[Bluemusical in reply to JP1972]

It sounds like she's trying to process her grief, trauma, depression about her condition. Does your wife participate in any talk therapy, epecially someone who specializes in trauma? It seems like she has had quite a few traumatic experiences recently (not getting the transplant, just being in the ICU). I will pray for you and your family. I'm positive your wife appreciates your unwavering love and support at this time even though she may not be able to express it.

[All_alone]

I'm sorry your wife has terminal kidney failure. She could be very angry which may cause aggressiveness...and may have nothing to do with family but what she knows she will miss in their lives. . Be there for her. Even if it is just holding her and not saying anything but show your love and respect. I had a wonderful friend with pancreatic cancer and he decided not to pursue treatments which made me angry but I respected his decision. He was a deaf mute but we had such a special friendship. I visited him 2x in his last month before he passed and most of the time we sat in silence but I know he enjoyed the visits. His name was Donald and I still think of him often. I am glad I did take the time to visit with him . My heart goes out to you and your family. 💜💜

[Dolphin14]

So, at this point your wife has stopped dialysis? Or was getting ready to start.

We have genetic kidney disease in my family. My mother and One sister so far have had dialysis.

I remember when my sister was told she had to start. She was so angry. She did do home peritoneal dialysis for awhile. But, it wasn't working well. When they told her she had to switch over and go to the dialysis center she was out of control with anger. I point blank told her, if you don't do this you will die. I told her to look at it as a part time job. Go in, get it done and come home. She had all kinds of words for me but ultimately she did go. From that day forward she always referred to it as her job.

Someone needs to be brutally honest with her. Let her know the impact of her choices.

[hypercat54]

Hi what a dreadful time you are all going through and I am so sorry. Your wife is going through grieving for her life and getting angry is one stage in it. Why not try and steer her towards acceptance by getting her to write letters and cards etc. to be opened by yourselves and the children when she is gone? This might bring her some closure and peace of mind. She could record videos too telling them how much she loves them etc.

I wish you all the best. x

[Hidden]

Hey JP1972, how are things today?.. i hope you’re family is doing well and just wanted to let you know we’re still here for you.. I think everything got a little grim yesterday and I just want to offer some support if you need to talk some more

[Dolphin14]

Wondering the same? What's going on today? Hoes everyone holding up?

[TrustnGod]

Hello JP1972. Do you have any updates for us? I hope all is well.

~Lia