Depression or Living a Wrong Life?

[SchizoidBartelby]

Originally posted at:

mydepressiontreatment.com/d...

I want something. We all do want something. To want something is the first step to get it. But as someone living with depression, it is hard to want. The part in our brain that is probably linked to wanting is disrupted for some reason and somehow this is related to depression. I’m not going to talk about the science behind this. But I will try to open this for discussion by asking questions.

A few years ago, I wrote an essay discussing how the act of wanting can be the most important factor in consumerism. The desire to own something is the reason behind most of human actions. You want a car? You work for it. You want to live in a beautiful house? You work for it. You want a family? You build it. However, these are all desires that keep us in the system. And what if a person does not want these? I, for example, don’t want to work. Don’t want to own a car, don’t want to have a house. I just want to live free and peaceful. Is that not possible?

To be able to enjoy the world, do I have to accept it as it is and just be part of it without asking questions? I was born 27 years ago and my destiny was already written by the world around me. 12 years of school + 4 years of college and there you go. From that point you have to work until you die (or retire). When I realized that this is not my path, things started to change. Now I remember, my depression started with me asking questions.

Is depression a mental disorder or a state of awareness and resistance?

Are antidepressants useful medications to fight depression or are they just a way to earn us back to the society and the system?

If I leave the system, will a still be depressed?

Imagine this now. I graduated and found a job, my antidepressants are working and I’m getting paid. I became something that in the beginning I rebelled against.

or

There is a small village, my father left that village when he was 13. My grandfather died in that village. He was a farmer. Now only 20 people lives there. What if I go there and live on my own. I have the skills to work freelance. I can easily create a sustainable life there. It’s a beautiful mountain village. I can have the time to create hobbies. Woodworking, gardening, farming…

Would it end my depression without antidepressants or would I still be depressed?

[torresvee38]

This is something I try to cope with every day. I told myself it’s just my depression and anxiety. But then I realize the things that I feel can make me happy, I will go out and do. I love to spend time with myself, alone. But as I get older I’m starting to have another nagging feeling that it’s something else. I don’t care to have a career, to maintain a home, marriage, have children or other material things. I want to learn, And the only reason I want to continue my education is my craving for knowledge and not to hold a job that will hold me down. I want to move away, in the country and start over. I don’t mind working and getting my hands dirty and maintaining a living for myself. I want to be free, I want to wander, to feel and live. Actually live my life. I felt the same way, would I still feel the same after I move and live that life? What I do know is that after taking my antidepressant I became more aware of that feeling, but felt it wasn’t such a negative mind space or sadness but rather an intuitive feeling. I’m glad you wrote this because you are not alone in feeling this.

[ChicagoGirl1961]

I think frequently about a simpler life, and that my mental health would have been far better over the years if I had been born in a time when our only concerns were food and shelter. But in this day and age it's not realistic for virtually all of us. I have to have a job to obtain food and shelter, I have to have a car to get to work and go to buy food, if I get sick I must have medical insurance because I could not afford to pay for something major out of pocket, I must have a cell phone and wifi connection to stay in touch with my clients, I have to save money for unanticipated expenses and for when I'm to old to work, and I need to have money to meet the co-pays for the medications I have to take each month to keep my mind from imploding do to all the stress resulting from making sure I have all of life's necessities in this crazy busy world. I have longed for a different type of existence where life we're simpler and I didn't have to get up and work all day doing something I don't enjoy just so I can perpetuate the lifestyle that burdens my mind at times due to all of the stress and mental energy that my day to day life extracts from me. I don't want for anything and my needs are simple, all I need are the necessities of life, but are they actually necessities? I certainly don't wish to be homeless, but sometimes I will see a homeless person and have a momentary trace of envy, for they have nothing to lose and some that are homeless of their own choosing, may not have the stress that many of us deal with in our day to day life. The village you describe is is sounding pretty good to me so go ahead and sign me up. On second thought, I've spent 40 years of my adult life in this rat race and am nearly to the finish line and my reward, that being able to retire to life of frugality pinching pennys in order to maintain a very modest lifestyle. I hope all the hard work that will enable me to retire has been worth all the struggles to get there, and I anticipate it will be so long as I maintain my health. I have no doubt that may mental health struggles will be all but gone in retirement, at least that's certainly what I anticipate.

[Wildflowers29]

I can really relate this post and the comments so far. All of the things that make me the most happy are more solitary, more slow and quiet. Honesty, hard work, nature, exercise, reading, and thinking, are some of the things that give me calm. I'm really stuck on the fantasy of living a life somewhere more remote.

[pianoplayer90]

There's an organization called WWOOF where you can work for a farm in exchange for room and board. There's a membership fee, but it might give you the experience you're looking for. Then, you can decide if that's the kind of lifestyle you want!