In the soup again/still

It makes me sad to be in this condition of needing help. I’ve usually been the dependable one that can get through anything. But lately I just feel broken and hopeless. It feels I don’t know how to be alive anymore.

I force myself out in public places but I get no relief. Getting exercise has become really hard. I’m so down I have trouble imagining what would even be “fun”. My family doesn’t know how to help and I feel like such a drag on them it would be better if I was just dead.

My understanding is this will pass but it’s only getting worse so far. I’m seeing a shrink that tells me I’m in sort of a crucible and being painfully reduced to a more authentic, essential me. I’m holding on as best I can but SO LONELY.

[Hidden]

Just to help you feel a little less lonely, I wanted to tell you that your words beautifully describe how I feel a lot of the time, too. 'Not knowing how to be alive anymore.' I even start to think I'll never remember how. (I know it isn't true, but that doesn't help me stop thinking it.) 'Trouble imagining what would be fun.' Exactly, exactly!

We can hope together that we will get through it. Remember when you feel like a drag on your family that they are actually just sad and worried for you. They can still go do things that make them feel alive. You could even encourage that.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much Socalpoppy.. you do make it less lonely, and that is huge.

I truly hope you can find some solace as well.

You are golden, despite your pain.

[HeathersWellness]

I empathize with you and I wish there was some way your pain and loneliness could be taken away even while you're reading this.

It is difficult for family and sometimes friends even to understand the depths of our illness and pain, whether physical or emotional.

Whenever I am feeling down and need some inspiration, I like to listen to uplifting music. If if may, I'd like to leave these song links with you. I hope you will find them to be comforting and soothing to your soul --- bit.ly/2gLSLJs and bit.ly/2NMOZ3z.

You sound very strong in spite of everything and I believe you will come through this with great success. Praying for your loneliness and to be connected to the right people. Be encouraged my friend. Sending you hugs.

[Timmypliskin]

I understand completely... I to was always strong one, doing for others, always busy, ... No I'm a hot mess almost all the time... my family is supportive, but I also feel like I'm dragging everyone down, and being non productive...

Just can't seem to stop the negative thoughts...

I am seeing a good therapist and that has helped some.

I highly recommend therapy.

Hang in there, and remember it's ok to talk and accept help...