A Conversation (A Short Story)

[gatsbysimon]

A Conversation:

Daisy lay and listened to the rain as patted against the window in her bedroom. She gazed at the window glass and out of the myriad of dots of and streaks, she could see the wall of her neighbor’s house with the cracks in the stucco. Three long days and nights, getting up only to go to the bathroom, and grab something to eat that wouldn’t cause her stomach to churn.

She knew she had to get up, get into the world again, no matter how much her body said otherwise. If she didn’t, she knew she would lose her job and there would be more troubles coming her way. Crummy job; not that she didn’t enjoy certain aspects of it, like being with her co-workers or talking to some of her clients. But how would she face them? She felt so fragile already, and a breakdown at work wouldn’t exactly be welcome. She understood the concerned stares, shrank away from the judgmental looks, and the advice…oh the advice! That would come out in droves, mostly stuff she had already thought about anyway. Did anyone really understand?

God understands, she thought. But why was he being so silent, anyway? He had plenty of time to tell her any message. After all, she had been up and barely slept. What was keeping him?

The phone rang from somewhere underneath the bed where she had threw it the previous evening. With luck, she grabbed it and hit talk.

“Hi Sue.” It was her best friend that lived in Oregon. Sue had a natural gift for knowing just when not to call.

“Hey Sweetie,” said Sue. “I’ve been thinking of you. I know that you haven’t really wanted to talk, but I wanted you to know that I’m here. “

“Thanks” replied Daisy, as she choked up.

“Honey, what can I do? I know you are miserable and that you feel that you have lost your way, that your faith has been rattled…” Sue spoke with genuine understanding; it was the kind that made Daisy want to burst out into tears. That is if she had any left.

“If I knew, I would tell you,” sniffled Daisy. She picked up an old tissue and blew. The thing practically disintegrated in her hand.

“Actually,” said Sue, “you don’t have to know.”

“What?” replied Daisy, astonished.

“You don’t have to know. We all think we have to find the answers, do it ourselves; but this isn’t true. What we have to know is that God already knows. And most importantly, he is already at work, helping you to heal you, your situation, your heart…”

“Oh I WANT to believe that, I do,” said Daisy. She glanced down at her wrinkled pajamas and her twisted bedsheets. What a mess.

“Well he is. Trust me. No..trust HIM. I know it is so incredibly difficult and scary. You want to believe so bad. And you wonder where the relief is. “

“You sound like you know from experience,” said Daisy, sniffling.

“Because I DO know,” said Sue, with emphasis. “I have been exactly where you have been and I have learned some major lessons.”

“I’m all ears, said Daisy, wearily. Here she goes, she thought.

“First, you must be open, said Sue. Even to things you don’t want to hear.”

“Okay.”

“Well, Sue began. You are going to need to be honest with yourself about your lifestyle. You are running yourself ragged all the time, with no time for quiet, no time for prayer. Only time to finish something up on the latest to-do list. Is it any wonder that you are tapped out?”

She continued: “ I also know that taking care of your body isn’t on your ‘to-do’ list either.” Have you been feeding it right? Have you made any time for exercise? Have you taken any time to meditate or sit and just be?

Daisy was alert now and more than a little sad. She knew what Sue was saying. And she was dead-on.

Sue went on, “You dislike your job, and even more, you feel bad about disliking it. You are afraid people are judging every move you make, that you can’t even do anything right. And don’t get me started on your love life….”

Daisy coughed out a laugh. Yeah. Her current relationship was severely lacking.

“But the biggest issue, Sue continued, is that you feel unworthy--unworthy in the sight of others, and especially God. Don’t you know that you are enough for him? That he created you, that he loves you? He was willing to die for you. And he understands all the pain that you are in now. More than you can even fathom…”

“Then WHY” Daisy yelled, surprising herself, is he not helping me? Why is he not saying a word to me? Why is he letting me go through this anxiety and depression?” Daisy never truly realized how angry she was…how much she struggled with trust.

“He IS speaking to you, managed Sue lovingly. He is speaking through me, through your Bible, through your Pastor and through those that truly love you.” It’s now time to take a leap of faith. Trust him and not always your feelings. Feelings are good things, but sometimes they lead us astray. Instead, we need to listen to what he has promised and know that life can change in an instant for the better. “

“Give it a try,” said Sue. “What have you got to lose? More time at the office? More tears and sleepless nights?”

Daisy was silent. She knew in her heart that what Sue was saying was true. She had tried to ‘do’ everything in the world to fix this situation including medications, therapy, even flat-out denial. What she hadn’t done was really to treat herself well--to see herself as a person as worthy as others. She knew her faults, understood her sin. And because of it, she felt that deep down she didn’t deserve joy.

Sue seemed to read her thoughts. “Daisy, you are loved just as you are. Not one person is without blame. Not ONE. At one time, all of us WILL have a major crisis of faith, of going down a very wrong path or paths. But here’s the reality: He already knows what you have done. What you will do. And he loves you ANYWAY. Daisy?”

Daisy was crying. Not a light cry, but a howl-- a howl of pain, understanding, and… relief.

“It’s not going to be instantaneous”, continued Sue, “but it will come in its time. You need to nothing more than take those baby steps forward, be good to yourself, and let God do what he needs to do.”

Daisy was now quiet. She said ‘thank you’ to Sue, promised to call her later, hung up, and lay back softly against her bed. She shut her eyes and contemplated all that Sue had told her. Indeed, tomorrow would be a different day. Tomorrow would be a hopeful day. She closed her eyes, and for the first time in three days, let the rain lull her to sleep.

[mrmonk]

When I saw your username and read the first sentence, I thought maybe this was going to be an untold story of Daisy Buchanan...or, maybe, Daisy Hannigan.

Ah well, still a finely-written piece. Thanks for posting it.