Stress overwhelming

[Jae5]

Hello. My 19 yo has moved in with me. I did not give her a great childhood. Am trying to be there now but i feel my guilt is allowing her to take over my life. I am literally hiding in my room. Any advice?

[jkl5500]

Please explain why you feel that you have to hide in your room.

[Jae5 in reply to jkl5500]

Hiding is easier than dealing with her attitude and outbursts.

[Jae5 in reply to jkl5500]

Im really stressed. Feel like im going to explode.

[jkl5500 in reply to Jae5]

Is there any way to have a heart-to heart talk, and maybe help to clear the air a little bit?

[Jae5 in reply to jkl5500]

Thank you i guess it needs to happen sooner rather than later. Dont know why i get so worked up to let my feelings be known.

[jkl5500 in reply to Jae5]

I'm sure you'll feel a lot better if you have a friendly talk with her. If you can calmly discuss the problems you both are having, you'll get things started in the right direction.

[Jae5 in reply to jkl5500]

Thank you for your support

[anon99]

Hi. You and I can relate, I’ve been living with my mother for 4 years now and am 19. She was not around when I was young. I always dreaded “the talk” but I always knew it must happen or things get ugly. And yes ugh the clashing.. it’s horrible. But you must work through it. For all you know, she most likely feels the same. Have that mom and daughter talk Goodluck to you xo

[Jae5 in reply to anon99]

Thanks for that. Sometimes i forget shes going thru stuff too.

[art62grammie]

Now listen closely. We can not change the past. You did your best when she was young. Do not let her use this to guilt trip you to get what she wants. You can be there for her. You do not need to punish yourself for the past. I am 56 and have 3 children. I know too well how that works. You stand up. Strongly and courageous. You make a firm stand and do not let her take advantage of you. No one on this earth is perfect. We all mess up. You take charge. Even if you didn't give her the best childhood life. She is alive and that is plenty. Love you. Come out of that room and start living for you.

[Jae5 in reply to art62grammie]

Thank you so much for that. I plan on having a sit down with her tomorrow.

[Missnoname]

This was an issue in my family. I withdrew when I was old enough to get out of the house, but my brother took advantage of my mother's guilt for years. You are not the same person now that you were 10 years ago, or even last year. The first thing you need to do is forgive yourself. And then you need to make it clear to her that you will be the best mother you can be from this point forward, but you are still her mother and deserve to be treated as such. I would suggest some family counseling as there are for sure a lot of extensive issues to be dealt with.

I'm sorry you are going through this. But the fact is that teenagers are selfish. Bending over backwards and allowing her to mistreat you is not going to repair the relationship, in fact, it may do more damage. You may not have been the perfect mother, but we all do the best we can in any given situation. Now that I have my own small children, I realize how hard it is, and how hard it is to be the parent we so desperately want to be. If my mother were still around, my experience would have gone a long way in helping me understand and forgive her. TBH...I was an awful child lol.

You are still her mother, not her friend, and it's still your job to teach her what is an acceptable way to treat people.