Depression Denial and journey to Reco... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Depression Denial and journey to Recovery

GeoMash
GeoMash

I am 28yrs. And my ordeal started when i was in Primary/elementary school, i had gone to visit my grand mother and there i found also many other extended family members including distant relatives. I was exhausted that night and i slept early.

I woke up at around 8 or 9pm and i overheard one of a distant relative that i had known that very day narrating to others of his near death experience when he was very sick a few years back. The details he went through explaining his illusions gave me chills and since then, I developed fear and could sleep that night. I was too young to handle what i overheard and couldnt shake it off my head. My greatest fear was "what if this happens to me ?". Fear worsened and i couldnt stand dark places, being alone , for i was imagining that what happened to my relative could happen to me at any time. Eventually i ended up in a full blown major depression as i came to understand years later. I went into denial and never told my family and i never went for medical checkup. I fought each day and its woes through elementary school,High school and eventually to University. Because of my quiet nature, my family could notice that i was becoming way too quiet and gloomy but when asked i said i was fine. This quiet, less social became my new normal with everyone.

Along the way over the years i experienced almost all the signs and symptoms as described in the literature, I had experienced the darkest moments over and over again, I was in a place where the word happy was not achievable and there seemed to be no way out. After many years i learnt to convince myself that my brain was playing games with me.I started to IGNORE all the negative thoughts manufactured by my own brain !! and i involved myself in activities that made me feel useful and occupied , avoided sad situations, and gradually improved. It started with a few minutes/day of genuine happiness and a calm mind which was thoughts free, it went to hours then days ,weeks and now i recovered fully but a few things stuck.

1. I developed memory issues worsened by stress.

2. Fatigue with minimal work.

3. Still struggling with social interractions but significantly better than before.

At the University i qualified and joined med school and finished last year. I feel i cannot continue with my medical career in direct patient care due to my memory issues, but i feel i should pursue other related courses e.gMasters in Public health and engage in research with what is left of my brain.

I am generally happy , i can laugh , joke and have fun, make new friends, work well despite memory issues. I developed experience in handling low/sad moments and this prevented me from having relapses.

I can assure you,i had full recovery so can you..

4 Replies
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Thank you for sharing. I too am on a similar journey. I had to stop grad school for counseling due to PTSD triggers from the content. But that doesn't have to be the end of the story for me. Recovery is possible.

Thank you for sharing. You fought back and that's what we are trying to do. The negative self thoughts have to decrease. We can't give up trying to not let this illness consume us. I'm happy for you. You've achieved a lot.

GeoMash
GeoMash in reply to Lyn842

Thank u too. I ignored and downplayed the negative thoughts. After a while i started seeing the difference.

Geo! You are an incredible advisor! I would love to have a mentor like you!

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