a journey to failure

[konoha]

i miss the days when i was the reason of happiness of my parents. they were proud of me. they believe in me. oh i forgot i belong to a lower middle class family. in high school i was a bright student who always tried to get good grades and encouraged my parents to have a faith in me that i am the one who will change the financial position of my family. i was happy and enjoyed every little moment back then.but after exam of senior high school besides my good efforts i didn't get marks that i have been thought that entire year. i don't know what's happened while checking because i knew i wasn't good enough to get my dream marks but i was pretty damn sure still i can get more than just good marks. then things started to fall apart. my brother , my parents started to complain you did not study . they just demotivated me instead of encouraged me. my parents enrolled me in good university only study wise because there's no activity besides study and that university was beyond their financial support but still they enrolled me in the field i don't know anything even a small bit of it. then they started to wishes now everything is good now our family will have a good future. but they didn't know how much pressurize i was. i was not understanding any thing about main courses. it seemed like i was lost. first i have to study in another city living in hostel very first time . it caused home sickness. second one is i have to keep remember how much money has been spent on me and third is i have to focus on my studies but i didn't know what's going on in studies because you have to need some time to indulge yourself into new environment but the speed of study is very much fast.then i started to overthink what will happen if i fail this subject this that besides studies. then i lost interest to achieve my goals and in hard working slowly slowly. now after third year i am nothing but a failure. now i have been thinking to cut my life to avoid the mess that i have created all the time.will my parents be happy if i commit suicide or anything to harm myself ? i miss that good old days when i used to stand first in my class and now i am just a mess. i don't know how to solve puzzle in my mind of my parents expectations and how i am supposed to tell them i am nothing but a failure after spending huge amount of money on me.

[Fluffy44]

If you really want to change Jesus can help you. Just give Him you life and get with a good group of Christian friends and you can turn your life around!

I will pray for you

Let nda

[gogogirl]

YOU are not a failure.

[MARYRD27]

You are being much too hard on yourself. We are our own worst critic. Please stop telling yourself that you’re a failure. Can you find a counselor at school to discuss your situation? I’m sure you can get back on track.

I know you want to please your parents, but it’s not good for anyone to try and live up to another person’s expectations, even our parents. Only you can live your life and you will be happy again when you realize that. Parents frequently have unrealistic expectations for their kids. There is nothing wrong with readjusting your goals. Remember, you are worthy as you are and you don’t need anyone else’s approval.

After you speak with a counselor and come up with a plan to move forward, you can explain to your parents that it was necessary for you to make adjustments in order to be successful. They may not understand at first, but be patient with them and with yourself.

Too much pressure leads to too much stress and none of us can perform well when we are under too much stress.

[Windy101]

You are putting WAY too much pressure on yourself. College is hard work. Definitely go see a school counselor and express your concerns. Sometimes we have a hard time with classes because we do not love the subject matter. If you put me in math and science, I would be miserable and have horrible grades. But I thrive in an environment with Literature and writing.

Also, maybe such an expensive school is too much for your family. Are there other schools you can attend that are more affordable?

Is it realistic for a young person to go to college for the purpose of supporting their parents? I don't know. It's tough out there and a more reasonable goal might be finding work that makes you happy and that allows you to support yourself. You can be generous with your parents, but that's a lot of pressure to put on someone.

Deep breaths. Relax. There is an answer, and you will find it. But please do talk to a counselor at your school. You sound so depressed and anxious, and you deserve to feel better. You need to help yourself before you can help anyone else. I promise you, there is a more comfortable way to live. You can find it! I beleive in you, my friend, and wish you all the best.