Social Anxiety

[Belenesc]

My life is so contradicting with the fact that I love to talk and have an input on things yet I somehow manage to be socially anxious talking to people. I could tell I have a way of talking to people and making it awkward no matter how hard I try to just be cool or act like myself it feels like the other person knows because when I’m with groups of people and I start talking I pay attention to people’s body language and I can tell I weird them out like they just want me to shut up. This is something we all do subconsciously, if someone appears to be ‘weird/awkward’ we won’t even wanna tune into them and what they’re saying because we all love a confident person.. which I is something I lack. I’ve always been insecure and I used to dwell on my looks for hours when I was younger stressing and crying without even realizing how bad of a mark it would leave on me because when I finally wanted to appear happy and confident it took twice the effort which in return only made me depressed so I found I was only confident & happy when I drank and did a couple other drugs. It feels like EVERYONE knows who they are and got some sort of signature to themselves and I’m just there, I don’t have friends, I avoid talking to old friends if I see them in public cus I don’t wanna deal with stressing about how awkward I am afterwards. I hate being this way because I’m about to be 19 and it makes me feel really immature and worthless. I care way too much what people think no matter how hard I try, Compare myself to other girls, and I’m easily embarrassed and sensitive which are things I don’t know how to start changing. I feel like nobody likes me and my vibe because I don’t even like myself. I get irritated rages throughout the day and if they’re bad enough I’ll want to drink to feel better or get this need to kill myself out of self hatred. I also notice I don’t know how to act around people like what voice and character and face expressions I’m supposed to bring out I’m completely lost with myself and hating myself seems to be the root of all my problems. I don’t have anything iM passionate about nor am I good at anything and I easily get bored when I try to learn new things

[Agora1]

Hi Belenesc, Reading your post I recognized myself as well as I'm sure many others do on the forum. Anxiety is making us feel this way by focusing in on every thing we say or do when talking with others. It's not uncommon at all. We do have interesting things to say but we don't stop to take a breath and let others interject into the conversation. We wear ourselves down and the others get bored with us talking up a storm.

We start to worry what we are talking about, if it makes sense, how we are standing, what about the expressions on our face and on and on. It's like a test or a contest, we can't enjoy our time with friends or family if we can't relax while doing it.

When I use to talk, my shoulders would go up to my ears in anticipation of not running out of things to say Learning how to breathe as well as listen to what others had to say, helped so much. Be interested in what the other person has to say. Listen to what they are saying and not what you are going to respond with. Smile, bring your shoulders down and do deep breathing while they are talking. Talk in short spurts so as not to hold your breathe or start getting nervous.

I hope this helps in you knowing you are not alone and that we all have gone through the same feelings when interacting with others. Takes some time and practice but you will feel better in the long run. xx

[Belenesc in reply to Agora1]

Thank you! This was helpful information I’m gunna definitely practice on this.

[Priscillar307]

I deal with social anxiety as well & I completely understand many of your experiences & feelings. Idk about u but I often find myself creating a script in my head and preparing things to say to ppl & then when i actually go to talk to them i forget everything i rehearsed and it just goes way better in my head than reality. Much like u when i drink or am under the influence i have an easier time but I’ve learned that’s not a healthy way of coping bc that’s how addiction can start & it’ll just make things worse. I don’t really have an answer, but know I’m here to talk & going through the same things too!