I'm new...

[LoveisLovetoMe]

I've decided that a site like this might not be a bad idea. I've been suffering with clinical depression (also known as major depression) and anxiety for as long as I can remember. I used to take medication for it but being the child of drug addicts, I was scared off of them. I can't take any pills because knowing I'm taking them messed with my head. I used to have nightmares as a young child so bad that I couldn't and wouldn't sleep. Now I would choose sleep even with eh nightmares because it's hard for me to sleep because along with my depression and anxiety, I suffer from insomnia. I do like to sleep my day away when the opportunity presents itself. I find it peaceful and calming. That is until I wake up, usually terrified. I was abused after being diagnosed. I was kind of seen as the broken child so I was physically and verbally abused. I honest would pick being physically abused of verbal any day. Recently, things are going downhill again. My parents are getting a divorcee, my mother is suicidal, I've my sexuality is different from what I thought and I haven't yet come to terms with it, I've grown to nearly despise myself, and I feel as if I'm on the outside of conversations and relationships. I've been constantly lonely even in a crowd-not that I'm bin crowds much since I hate physical contact. But I'm dealing. For some, I've got it easy.

[SmilesLots]

So sorry to hear about your difficulties with depression and anxiety. I also have suffered with it since childhood. My Father was a daily drinking mean alcoholic and every day was riddled with panic not knowing what was going to happen next. Is there anything I can do to help you?

[Cinniminny]

I too am depressed and am not in the right frame of mind to give you the positivity and motivation that you deserve to hear... 😢💔❤️.

I hope things turn around for you dear... Sending love your way ❤️❤️❤️.

[SmilesLots in reply to Cinniminny]

I hope you will be feeling better soon. Depression can be so painful Sending you good thoughts and smiles.

[Madison10]

So sorry that you are struggling. You have to realize everyone is struggling with something. Most of what you said I understand completely . My dad was an abusive alcoholic in law enforcement . I would never take a drink for fear I would become him. Years of therapy and I finally forgive him. Do you have someone to talk to or is there anything I can do for you? You should really consider medication, it can be quite helpful and non addicting. I to feel the loneliness in a crowd, like I am not there. There are lots of things to help your mind. Have you read or tried meditation? It is very calming. I have had a depression issue most of my life and there is help outside and on this website. If you want to chat I am a good listener