What I realized since I've been gone * Maybe a trigger*

[wallflower1108]

So I spent the last few weeks thinking and trying to get over someone for reasons I will explain at some point in this post. But I have realized so many... many things that I didn't want to realize at this point and to me it is very heartbreaking. Sad to say I did relapse during all of this and I honestly a lot of stupid shit to get rid of the pain but none of that worked, obviously it only increased it and my friends weren't exactly helping either. When I went to Caden's house to see if I could feel somewhat better but I left trying not to cry and eventually I did when I was alone in a small field surrounded by trees me and Caden used to go to long time ago and it was there that I just gave up on everything. Then I realized that I was being used by someone I trusted and loved very much. Then I felt and heard my heartbreak, it was so painful I couldn't stop crying and It was that day I relapsed.

[fauxartist]

I'm glad your back wallflower....and very sorry your broken hearted....and if you mean relapse by self-harm, don't beat yourself up, pick your self up, there are a lot of good people here ....are you getting some help now with this...are you in therapy to deal with your feelings of loss and sadness. I could so very much relate to the clarity of realization of feeling your heart break...I had that the last time I slipped and spiraled down. I remember saying to myself when I had bottomed out ; 'I am just un-done'. It took a lot to get me back on track...but in a way...life was better, and it's gotten even better today. So there is hope wallflower...Please reach out to your doctor or therapist to help, and sharing here I feel is very healing as well..

[wallflower1108 in reply to fauxartist]

Thanks and yes I do mean self-harm but also with other things. I used to be in therapy but I quit going since it wasn't really helping me at all anymore. i do know what you are saying and it helps so thank you .