Losing friendships

[Grace367]

Anyone else lash out at their friends then lose that friendship? I’ve been battling anxiety for longer then I can remember. I started therapy a couple months ago and I thought I was making progress.

But then I was having communication problems with a good friend, let my anxiety take over and said some mean things. I’ve apologized but it was too late.

My question is: how do you bounce back? I’ve felt like a shitty person before but how do I learn from this experience so it never happens again and I lose more friends?.

[jkl5500]

One suggestion: Let some time pass, and then send a card to your friend. Enclose a note in the card explaining your side of what happened - that your anxiety disorder just "boiled over" and you said things you didn't mean. It may not be too late.

It sounds like you've already learned your lesson, and are unlikely to do it again. Mention this in therapy, and ask for help with impulsive behavior.

[Grace367 in reply to jkl5500]

I explained everything right when it happened. I’m giving the person space which is super hard for me to do. I told them that my phone is always open if they want to forgive me

[jkl5500 in reply to Grace367]

It's your decision, but I found that there's something about the written word that has a greater effect. Also, the fact that you took the time to write shows how sincere you are.

[hurtingheart1]

I'm new here and this is diff. for me to actually post something - I feel like most times I'm wary to say my thoughts feelings do to being judged and not understood I don't know if I communicate thoughts well?? I try anyway I want to just say to you Grace That that is rough -I'm sorry you deal with this! I don't have a good answer for you because I wonder about this kinda thing myself? & I wonder sometimes why I feel a strong unfairness or double standard though with some in life like as if some feel they have a right or pass at lashing out when stressed or anxious but others don't??? I think something though that makes sense to me is if someone has an actual physical illness like severe anxiety or bad depression going through extra stress in life -shouldn't they more like be the one that gets at least a little bit more of a pass or atleast more support or something when they are dealing with hard bats of it & maybe do slip up and lash out a bit or have extra tough moments? loving friends and family and all should think about this -if it's not an issue for them I mean & they really aren't dealing with depression and anxiety themselves shouldn't they handle it better then and forgive atleast a bit easier??I don't know ??I know it's not so simple? but that's what love,compassion& forgives is for! I don't know not a therapist or anything just some thoughts?

[Grace367 in reply to hurtingheart1]

I get what you mean. It’d be nice if everyone could recognize that all relationships are harder for me bc of my anxiety and depression. I feel like I have to work twice as hard to be more patient and let things go. Tell myself I did all I could, leave it alone and hope for the best

[hurtingheart1 in reply to Grace367]

☺️well it sounds to me like you're dealing with it in a very healthy and patient way!! I say others in your life need to do the same and if they aren't willing to then they may not be the best friends to have around in your life anyway!!

[fauxartist]

okay....been there too....when I was drinking....I said shitty things to friends and didn't even remember them. Till the next day when they told me they didn't want to be around me anymore. Then I got sober and on meds and in therapy....and still found I burnt a few bridges, but at least I was aware of it and discussed it in therapy where I started to learn that because of my abandonment issues....If I felt the friend or relationship was rocky, I had to make the first step to end it.it's done out of fear of abandonment..and it never ended well. It took a long time to realize I was even doing that. Now I'm finding...don't burn your bridges, you may need them to go back over, and in those cases.....if that person was important to you, and you are able to tell them what it was you were fearful of .....and they are a good friend.....you may be able to repair the relationship. It's a very bumpy ride for a lot of us in relationships, our skills are sometimes lacking in diplomacy, and we act out, or what ever....but it does get better when we do the work. I will always be a work in progress....but I am in such a better place now, I have coping mechanisms I didn't have before....that does not mean shit doesn't happen....but at least I can dodge it a bit better and deal with stuff.

[Grace367 in reply to fauxartist]

You’re right. I’m trying not to be so hard on myself but it’s hard to be a work in progress. In my world, most ppl except you to be perfect. If you show imperfections, you get labeled. I know it’s not healthy and wrong. Just sucks

[Hidden]

Give yourself time out, take deep breaths and count, it would help you calm down and think clearly

[Grace367 in reply to Hidden]

Thanks!