Childhood Anxiety???

[AnxietyHell]

I thought my anxiety only started about 5-6 years ago, but I've been told my anxiety goes way back to my Childhood? I had a perfectly good childhood and upbringing. Although, as long as I can remember, as a child I was always extremely shy and even at such a young age I over thought every situation till I built it up to something that really worried me and made me become very withdrawn.

Please don't judge! From the age of 12-13 I always hung about with older friends. They were all smoking pot, taking acid etc. So, as the years went on the drugs I took got stronger and stronger......eventually at the age of 19 I was a heroin addict. I enjoyed drugs because they gave me the self confidence I craved. Now, at the age of 40 I have been clean for about 10 years, and been off suboxone for about 6 years. I have been getting treated for general anxiety disorder and depression.

Is it likely that because I was so shy and withdrawn as a child, and now I don't have the drugs to give me self confidence, my anxiety could actually be personality traits of mine?? And if so how do I deal with this?

Everyday is a battle to get through, I hide myself away and hate having to socialise in any way!!

[stevie11]

AH i was like that as a kid not so withdrawn but quiet and very shy i found being involved in sports heavily helped a lot...

I started on the booze and dope at about 16 by my 30s i had given it all up i now visit the gym regularly and have a healthy living plan i am now 51 years old...

This takes up much of my free time as i have plenty and i have always found keeping busy as a big help but not a cure..

I take Fluvoxamine which helps somewhat and like you i have had anxiety nearly all my life and i think its something i have just learned to live with i still go through some rough times...

Yes i do think it can be a part of who you are and have been told for quite some time it can be eliminated but i do not think it can from everybody..

[AnxietyHell in reply to stevie11]

Thanks Stevie, I'm glad to hear I'm not alone. I agree, I can't see how this can be completely eliminated. I am trying to push myself to get into regular exercise, but I'm only able to do this myself at home. Everyday feels like groundhog day! I have no friends left that understand my condition, 3 years ago I lost a close friend to cancer, 2 years ago I had to make the hardest decision of my life to get my dog put to sleep due to the pain she was in constantly with her hip dysplasia. Now she's gone I have no reason to get out the house. Also, July just past my best friend took his own life. I am so cut off from the world Now, and due to my social anxiety I find it impossible to even Want to see anyone.

You seem like your life has been quite similar to mine with the drugs etc. And well done you on staying clean, it's a long battle but once there it's great not to have to rely on drugs/alcohol to even get out of bed.

I am on quite alot of meds......propanonol, diazepam, temazipam, Dosulepin and quetiapine. I have just recently started seeing a psychiatrist as my gp hasn't been much help.

I'm so happy you have managed to take control and get up and out to the gym etc. I'd love to get to where you are but I find it difficult to even get dressed. I'm tired of having to fight my way through each and every day! Also, I feel so lonely and it scares me to think I'm 40 years old and haven t even got any friends never mind a partner. But I know the way I feel it would be silly to get into a relationship till I sort myself out.

How did you manage to get up and out into social situations? When I find myself having to socialise I talk to quick and feel so self conscious that I believe everyone is looking at me strangely and I have to leave the situation very abruptly! I over think any and every part of every situation!

I'm happy to hear your story as it does give me some hope that one day I'll maybe actually look forward getting up in the morning without that dread in the pit of my stomach!

[stevie11 in reply to AnxietyHell]

It was not easy getting out i had been a virtual prisoner in my own home for 8 years fairly alone the lot...

The thing that got me out was my failing health where i started in a gym as i have physical issues too which make exercise difficult..

It was more a case of do it or else so i did cant say it was easy it was not, the self conscious part was the hardest of all..

I got to meet other people in my group who had physical issues too who later got memberships they convinced me to join up...

I kind of felt i had a safety net during this time i have met others and have slowly become more social and feeling better for it...

I sometimes wonder how i could not get the courage to do this sooner and had certain events not happened i still might be locked up at home day after day...

I still have very few friends and no girlfriend but i am a bit happier...

[gerg]

I too have a anxiety and panic disorder that started when I was young, 7 years old I think. I always knew I did not see the world as others do, but I thought that it was nothing. I created tools to get through life and to unknowingly keep my anxiety issues hidden. I got to a point of self loathing that was beyond belief, with no good reason why. I got to a point where I hated myself so much that I would not give myself the grace of killing myself, I hated myself so much that I wanted to make myself exist in a living hell. Hating yourself is a good definition of hell.

Six years ago I learned of my anxiety issues, I got away from alcohol, and I started working on my anxiety and panic disorder. I learned that I could change now that I knew the problems, I knew little about mental health and I had the emotional maturity of a 7 year old. I have changed and I now even like myself. There is more to do, but I know I can do it.

[fauxartist]

I'm glad your sharing AnxietyHell, I'm in recovery too....just shared that with another here on a previous post....and I mentioned that when I got clean and sober, my old haunts and demons came back, so I went to therapy, and that's what started another journey of self awareness and accepting that my anxiety and depression were chemical, and just another disease to deal with...your not alone with that here....please read others posts and see how they have learned coping skills and also those that have bad days too, you too can be supportive, which is really very healing as well.