connecting with people

[Chav_a143]

I feel like I can't connect with people. Like I know my coworkers like me and we get along, and back in high school I got along well with people in my classes and we had good times. But I feel like I can't connect with people to the point where they want to hang out with me. All my class friends in high school never asked to hang out and my coworkers now always hang out with each other outside of work but never invite me. I don't know maybe I am just insecure and if I become the one to ask them to hang out first they would? But also I don't like being the one who constantly puts in the effort while the other person doesn't at all. Thoughts?

[fauxartist]

I'll tell you my thoughts on hangin with co-workers....only at a christmas party ,....work is work and frankly...it just is kinda of a no go for me. People at work are not all your friends, unless they were before you started working with them. they are there to do a job, and I've seen things go badly before when people socialize outside of the work place, people that become friends, then it doesn't work out, and the work atmosphere can become uncomfortable. If they date and break up, badly, it's even more uncomfortable....and in general, I like to keep my private life my own. I just am social, diplomatic, and stay professional, and then let my hair down outside the work place with friends not associated with my job. Sure you can make a good friend at work, but just keep it business to a degree. That's just my personal experience.

[km147]

hey alex, when i was reading this post, i felt like you were taking the words right out of my mouth. i have the same problem. wasn't popular, but had my friends in hs, but now things are so diff. i honestly do not know. sometimes i think something is wrong with me, however, i think we are just shy and quiet. its a confidence thing for me for sure, and social anxiety. been dealing with it since i graduated hs (been a while). if your coworkers are really that important to you, i would try to make an effort. doesn't mean you are doing much. invite them out for drinks, or dinner, or a movie. whatever YOU think is fun. good luck and don't sell yourself too short. us introverts are actually really cool people once you get to know us!