First therapy session on Monday

[WanderingSoul1306]

Hello everyone,

I am new here. I have been diagnosed with anxiety and depression syndrome, literaly two days ago. 2018 has only brought me loss and pain so far. My dad suddenly passed at the beginning of January, the exact same day I was flying from France to the US to meet up with my boyfriend. Being away and missing the funeral was very difficult but my boyfriend was very supportive... We got engaged as we had planned a few months before and I flew back home two weeks later. February came and he got distant then broke up with me with no real explanation. I have been feeling very low, very sad, crying mornings and evenings, faking smiles at work, until I couldn't pretend anymore and didn't make it to work last Thursday. I couldn't stop crying and shaking under the shower. I managed to make it to the doctor and I got a two week sick leave to take care of my health. I wasn't prescribed any meds (yet) and I am hoping to be able to do without... I have booked my therapy session for Monday. I'm pretty stressed out about it. I wonder how it's gonna go. She does hypnose as well. Has any of you tried ? Any advice of a first therapy session? How do you keep busy while off work? I am trying to keep my mind busy not to overthink too much...

Thank you for reading.

[fauxartist]

I'm very sorry for the loss of your father, and without having the time to grieve that loss, you get hit with another terrible loss of your boyfriend. It's good you got some time off work, and are booked for therapy. I would just put it all out there in the first meeting what your truly feeling deep down and your concern on what to do with your free time. Are there groups for grief and loss you can go to, Is there some sort of workbook you can get that you can express your feelings in and work steps to help you cope as your going through the grief process.

[applesforever2020]

Hi Laëtitia (I think I spelled your name wrong in a previous post, sorry!)

First, I am so sorry for your loss. Hang in there! I also have extreme social anxiety and very, very bad depression, so know you're not alone. I can relate to part of your post in that I lost two family members in the past year and I have gone through some extreme heartbreaks as well recently, where I have been left because of my issues. It has been one of the worst years of my life, but it has also forced me to face and work on the problems that I have. I realized I wasn't living a life. I was just making it through life. So do not lose heart, this difficult time is probably accentuating your issues, but as you work through them I think you will find that your quality of life will improve and you will discover who you are and how to deal with your problems. I also, just like you, have time off work (I quit though) to do a fellowship at my school. My job before was very isolating and depressing (it was in an office), and I have no desire to go back to it, yet I find that the amount of time I have off sometimes makes my depression worse. It is horrible forcing yourself to go someplace and pretend everything is fine, but it is also equally as hard not having a reason to force yourself out of bed in the morning. I have recently started to try to stick to a schedule (although not too strict). So far, I find that this, as well as working on myself and changing the way I think about myself, has been really helpful. Even if I do not have a lot to do, I will force myself to get out of the house every day even if it is only for a few hours, and I limit my TV time every day, which makes me just zone out and feel worse. If you don't feel ready for that though, you could maybe try reading, cooking, or baking - I try to learn new things sometimes when I feel myself hitting my limit. I know some good recipes if you are interested! There are still times I wake up and feel instantly upset or depressed or alone, but now I know that these feelings are not who I am, they are just one small part of me. I am seeing a counselor and am currently working on my thought patterns (which tend to be negative and obsessive since I have OCD) and my co-dependency, but am not taking meds currently. She gave me a workbook to work through my problems, maybe you could ask your therapist if there is something like that they recommend. Also, if you want to do this without meds, I believe you can. I am right now. I know that meds would probably make it easier, but I feel like then I wouldn't actually be facing and working on my problems. That is not to say I wouldn't eventually go on them if it gets too hard, but for now I think that getting to the root of my problems and taking it one day at a time is enough. I have never been hypnotized, but in my first few sessions we figured out why I was having such problems with depression, which was due to my OCD and co-dependency. Me and her are now figuring out why I have these conditions. I tend to think that depression can be a chemical imbalance, but sometimes there other factors that can either combine with the imbalance, or be the root cause of depression. Maybe you could try talking about the things that you think are driving your depression and anxiety. I hope after reading this longer-than-intended post you realize that you are not alone and that we are kindred spirits! Sending good thoughts your way!

Kelly