What’s wrong with me

[Simplystephie]

Hi. I’m new to this. Where to start. I’ve been on an emotional rollercoaster for some time. My daughter said I’ve been like this her whole life. Maybe. when I was that I’ve been depressed, stressed out, and unhappy for a while. I was in a relationship for me to have years, and broke up with me for Valentine’s Day this year. I have been dealing with stress from the job that I want over a year ago due to my term of this treatment. However he doesn’t see it that way and apparently neither does the Worker’s Comp. So I’m top of everything else I had to give up my appointment, in route with my daughter. I know I’m a burden to her and I don’t want to do I’m sorry getting back to work and came back on my feet but it’s hard and I know it’s hard on her wish after my break up extremely hard and very hurtful to me. I have one of many times to commit suicide, I’ve never done it and we talked about it. I’m too much of a coward to hurt myself or anybody else. Just wanting somebody to actually notice I exist or is not happy. He told me I need help. Even though he needs help them self. My daughter told me I should go back to therapy because I was on therapy during my case. It seemed to help since my insurance lapse I haven’t been able to go back. I’m not sure what to do I just want to be happy and to be OK. I don’t want her anymore. I want somebody in my life and truly loves and cares about me. And I don’t know how to find one I don’t even think I like myself anymore.

[schrodingercat]

First, I'm so happy you've decided to reach out to this community! I hope you can find some helpful advice and support here. Definitely, there are people here who have gone through what you have and are, so hopefully, they can offer you solid assistance. I'm new too, and already this forum has been so much help. ^^

If you're struggling with stress and depressive episodes, sometimes it can help a lot to pick up a new activity -- painting, music, community service, a club -- something that helps you get out of your head for a little while and, if you think it would be beneficial for you, interact with new circles of people. If social anxiety is a problem for you, that's okay, there are still bunches of things to try, thanks to the internet. ^^

I completely relate to both being too afraid to actually go through with suicidal thoughts and wanting so much just to be okay. Suicide doesn't help, though, but instead just removes the possibility of things getting better. Please remember that, however it feels right now, everything you're going through will eventually change. There is always, always hope, because nothing lasts forever.

Stay strong, friend, and I hope you have good luck with this community!

[Rick1on1]

Hi Steph,

Glad you are reaching out during this tough time - it's not easy.

There is obviously a lot happening and that can be over-whelming.

Let's take it step by step - Are you on meds?

[deea21]

Hi Stephie. My heart burned when I read your message and I wanted to say I’m here with you. I understand your burden and I hope you will find the strength to move on. I think you need to find yourself and look more in the mirror. That’s the most amazing person who loves you and thinks about you. You need to love yourself more. You have an amazing daughter to help you through and that’s something that not too many can say the same during their struggles with depression and anxiety. Most of us are alone. But in the end that’s our best friend. We all live our paths, meeting people and loose then on the way. But we need to learn though this lessons. I’m not a specialist, but I do know that most of us need to love ourselves more and live the day we have in front of us. I always felt that if I don’t have a man into my life I wouldn’t be happy. But he will come on the Wright time. Until then prepare and enjoy this journey. Life is difficult, but we can choose to be happy or sad. Why don’t you do something for your heart? Your body? And it’s great you need to go to work, because it will not make you go deeper with the problem. I understand every single word your saying. I know it’s hard, even the body feels pain all over it, but don’t give up. You raised an amazing daughter if she is helping you, so you are an amazing person yourself. Read a book, go out, make yourself beautiful as you feel it, feel the sun and let the thoughts fly without disturbing them. Be kind to yourself. We are here for you. People who struggled and understand you. Big hug 🤗