One of those days

[tiffany1979]

Sometimes I wish I was a different person I was I had a heart of steal and a brain that stopped over thinking everything. Some days I just want to run away from everything and everyone. I can't ever seem to catch a break. I always end up with the bad guy or I end up with the stress of my kids and work and bills and no one to help me. My fiancé is mad at him over a black out I had the other night because of starting new meds and ended up drinking and I don't remember saying or doing things he said I did now he's holding it against me and treating me like I'm such a bad person. One little mess up that has never happened before over all his little mess ups and I never stayed mad at him or made him feel like shit why is it always me when is it my turn to be happy

[Mazy817]

Bless your heart, you have so much to deal with every day. I have had the same thing happen about not knowing what you said or did. It’s terrifying and your situation of being chastised by your fiancé is heartbreaking. Changing yourself to be what someone thinks you should be can easily turn into you not knowing yourself. You started your post with wanting to be different. You ended with the dream of finding happiness. I totally get the drinking with meds so you can escape the shit that is still there when you wake up. Just try to remember that your children are a gift from God and they need your love and care that you work so hard to give them. If you can make your children smile every day then you have given them your best. Love and laughter is contagious. Please don’t let him break your spirit. Write a letter to him and let him know exactly how he makes you feel. Tell him how you feel about him and get all that rage, resentment, stress, low self esteem onto paper. Then take the letter and burn it. Let your pain burn with it, and leave that pain with the ashes. At least you have released some of your pain and avoided the stress of a fight. I’m just trying to share my thoughts with you and to let you know someone understands.

[tiffany1979]

Thank you for those kind words