I'm a professional, but i also suffer from depression and anxiety. I've been through a lot since last year, but this year is worse. My relationship with my parents is bad because they dont like my bf. My relationship with my bf is going down hill. I want to leave but i think i'm afraid that i'll be all but my self. Some days like today i woke up super sad, dont even want to work but i have to. I feel worthless like no one cares or loves me. Sometimes I wish I was never born, so I can escape this sadness. I used to hurt my self physically, nut cutting, but hit my self. In the moment it feels like either a way to punish myself or just to change the pain I feel in my heart/soul. I stopped for a while few months, and I was happy that even when I was said I did self harm. But yesterday I had a discussion with my bf, and when he left I hit myself like 4-5 times in the head. It makes me sad when I do it and even know remembering it.
I am alone with my depression and anxiety. Sometimes I tell my bf about the way that i'm feeling but he doesn't always understand. My parents don't even know, and they don't even understand. My house is a mess, i need to clean but I can;t find the strength to start, and that makes me more sad.
Ooo man, this depression thing is so sad. I'm even thinking about starting on medication like Pristiq but i'm afraid, don't know why.
To whom ever reads this thank you for reading it, I just wanted to let out a little bit of what I feel.