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Anxiety and Depression Support
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Scared of vulnerability

So I'm sure this is not an uncommon fear, especially for those of us here. I fear being vulnerable, whether physically or emotionally. It affects my relationship with everyone; friends, family, and boyfriend. If I sense I am having a moment of weakness I am very quick to lash out angrily. These "weak moments" include everything from romantic intimacy to stating an incorrect fact. If someone points out I may be wrong I will lie or twist words or just plain be rude to prove, somehow, that I am correct (or make them feel incorrect). And during close moments with my boyfriend, if I have any self-doubt in my head it makes me feel weak and vulnerable so I will push him away and sometimes even say hurtful things; anything to get him away from me so I am not in a vulnerable position.

As the years have gone on I've been becoming more self aware of the things I do wrong and this is defintely one of those things. I know what I do wrong but am unsure how to start correcting this. I just get so scared when I feel weak. The thoughts seem to continuously swirl around in my head, impossible to ignore, pointing out all of the bad things that could happen to me in that specific moment of weakness. How do I cope with these thoughts and convince myself it is ok to be vulnerable sometimes? At the very least I need to stop lashing out with anger but I don't even know how to control myself when I am afraid. And It's impossible to get anyone to understand and to be comforting when I am being rude (which is totally understandable). I wish someone would say they can see past my anger and know that, really, I am hurt inside. But I know that it is not this simple and I can't rely on others to fix my own problems.

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Hi FixingThePineapple,

I think you have touched all the bases about what's going on for you.

A few sessions with a psychologist might give you some clues into what’s really going wrong and what needs to change in order for you to feel better and react differently.

I have this link which describes vulnerability to the core

psychologytoday.com/blog/pa...

Have a stress free weekend :)

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Yes I am very eager to start seeing a therapist, just waiting to be approved for Medicaid. Thank you for your suggestion and for sharing the link

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