Question: Why would my children ignore me? They are all adults and I never mistreated them as children.

[Glorose]

Why do my children ignore me? They are all adults now and I never mistreated them as children.

[Hidden]

Families are so complicated sometimes, aren't they. I am certain you'll receive a number of replies if you provide a little more information. Unfortunately, sometimes "It is what it is.".....can do all the "right" things, and not understand why or how our families are not what we had hoped for or expected....and so sometimes we turn towards friends for the support and love.

[Glorose in reply to Hidden]

Well, I have decided not to put up with it anymore. I did not get a single call on Mother's day and it really hurt.

[BonnieSue in reply to Glorose]

Did you train them to be respectful of you? Did you purposely bring them up to be mindful of their parents and thoughtful of others? Just because you didn't do anything negative to them doesn't mean you did something positive like showing them positive behavior. You must lead them by showing them the right way to behave not by not beating them. They need to be taught.

It may not be too late with some or all of them if you want to become more active and show interest in their lives now. Not too much, but enough to engage them and start a relationship that involves give and take. You talk about each other's birthdays, for instance, and make a point to call each other for those days or agree on when if the exact day isn't going to work out. This should lead to a call on Mother's Day hopefully. There are no guarantees, though!

[Hidden in reply to Glorose]

Curious about your comment that you weren't going to put up with it anymore.

What are you thinking about doing? Right now you're hurt, angry and frustrated. Maybe it is the time to calm down a bit so that you don't do anything to make the relationship with your family worse.

I was not able to have children, and Mother' Day can be a bit sad for me. And I didn't have a card from a step son I raised, but he is 2000 miles away, married and works evening and nights.

Don't think he meant to disappoint me, just know he is very busy and forgets to call or send a card sometimes.

So, since I'm not a mother, I didn't want to feel sad about

last Sunday. Decided to call and wish a happy mothers day to all my sisters, nieces, nieces-in-law, my sister in law, and several friends who had step children, and several friends that have children living far away from them. It took a good portion of the day, and they were all surprised and happy to get my call. Some chatted for an hour just to visit, and that helped my attitude a great deal. (I buried an infant son and had three miscarriages.)

Made me feel happy that these women enjoyed receiving a call from me.

[mysmugcat in reply to Hidden]

You sound lovely

[Pearl67 in reply to Glorose]

I am so sorry...

[Jeannii in reply to Hidden]

Hahahha ..........Ditto to PTSD 's reply . Have u just found out the truth !! ?? WAKE up & smell the coffee . We live in a non god fearing world & also people will say " I didn't ask to be borne " u chose to have me for your reasons. Well I have only one child , I SACRIFICED but really sacrificed to bring her up to give her everything, I was a widow at 35 ........Do what u have to do to make your life worth while & HAPPY .....Look after No. ! who is YOU !! Let them .,,,,,,,,,,,,,They don't need u now so ...........Let it go NO MATTER how hurtful it is .... IT'S THIS GENERATION. I have very little hope for mankind . U take CARE of U ! I TOO have recently HAD to FACE the SAME HURT myself so .............believe u me, my words won't make u happy, BUT U can so go out there & do what u have to . HUGS to u . Jeannii

[Glorose in reply to Jeannii]

That is what I am trying to do. Thanks for the advice.

[sweetiepye]

Hello Glorose, I have three of the beasts. Two men and 1 woman , they are all between 40 and 50. I too often feel ignored, not needed, left out, not as necessary as I once was. It stinks. I was the Mother who did everything. I didn't give them everything, but did things with and for them. And they all say I was a great Mother ,but they don't need a Mother now. They are in the middle of raising their own children and working at their careers. spending time with their spouses . I understand that, I remember very well what that was like. So occasionally I will call one of them and say 'hello, this is your Mother in case you don't recognize the voice'. They just need a reminder . They aren't going to know you're missing them if you don't let them know. You have to make a life for yourself and keep busy. You'll be more interesting to be with, and don't complain or criticize their lifestyle. My Mother in law did ,and I made sure we didn't spend time with her. I want my kids to visit because they want to, not because they think they should. Pam

[kitty2017 in reply to sweetiepye]

Sorry to hear that. Again selfish world. No one is that busy to not call for 5 min & that too their mother. Busy is an excuse which I hear way too often.

[Glorose in reply to sweetiepye]

I believe yours is good advice. But you see, they only have a mother when they need something from me.

[sweetiepye in reply to Glorose]

You could try being fresh out the next few times they need something and maybe they will get the message , or you could sit down and tell them how you feel. Not in a blaming way ,but in a way that says you're sure they hadn't intended to ignore you but for whatever reason that's how you are feeling. Let them know they are important to you When they ask for something tell them you would love to help them,but you know Dear I really can't do that anymore. What ever way you choose to approach them keep it non confrontational . Pam, who feels your pain.

[kitty2017]

This is why I don't want to have kids ever. You waste your time & life raising them and they ignore you when you get old. It's a selfish world. That's all I can say. Don't expect anything from anyone in life- even your kids or you will be disappointed. And I know you can't stop expecting since you are their mother who gave them this life, who raised them from babies... but this is the sad truth of this selfish world we live in. Sorry!

[Glorose in reply to kitty2017]

Thank you.

[sweetiepye in reply to kitty2017]

Having children was my and my husband's choice. I have never regretted it and it has brought me great happiness and joy. It is not always an easy thing to do if you want good results Other than loving them it was my intention to teach them to not need me. I wanted them to think for themselves and to be responsible . That has been very successful and I'm enormously proud of all three. That is not to say that we are always on the same page, we are not. We are separate individuals who happen to love each other . We have some wonderful times together,but none of us is perfect. We are not unusual, I know many happy families. Pam, who likes her kids.

[Hidden]

Hello again. Saw you received some very strong worded replies from members of this venue. Not all children who grew up under our care become distant and appear uncaring.

Maybe if you reach out a little yours, with a short letter, and email or card to them on regular basis, even if there is no response for a few times, maybe that will encourage them to contact you back.

[Glorose]

I have even asked for maybe a 10 or 15 minute call a week. Nothing. It's a sad story. I had them while I was very young, and they are a year apart in age. Four. I believe it's a lost cause. I just won't try anymore. And yes, I need to get a life.

[mysmugcat in reply to Glorose]

Sorry to hear this message pm anytime

Wish I saw more of my mum, distance, illness ...

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Lives are complicated and busy. There are some really negative replies on this list. I disagree with their attitudes for a person seeking advice. Maybe your family doesn't realize you are feeling ignored. Invite them over. Bring back a tradition from when they were kids.

[Sky2016]

Because there’s selfish. Mine do the same with the exception of my daughter. With out her I would be going nuts. I figure do the same. One day they will realize how important we were. Let’s hope it’s not too late. I am 42 and I still need my dad n mom. My brother tells me it’s all the hormones they put in food. Lol.