Constant state of panic

I've not been having a great time of it lately. I have depression and anxiety and currently on medication. I am in a fixed term contract that was sold to me as the work is there, we just need the sign off. It was due to expire end of October but I have been extended to March next year. They still have no idea what my future holds, they are always careful with what they say ( understandably I know) but I feel that I am being messed around. in the meantime, I have been spoken to and treated badly by my two colleagues. I hold my tongue because of my job and sometimes because of the agitation it causes me for them to create a conflict ( where I am always wrong). as a result I am sat in limbo not knowing what will come of me, being treated like crap.

I've been told everyone complains of said people's attitudes but don't make it official because they are afraid. I don't recognise myself anymore. I have become this shell of a person. I don't sleep, I overeat, I panic constantly.. waking in the middle of the night with an anxiety attack.

I have applied for new jobs, it won't pay as much as this one though but I need stability and peace.

I don't know really what the purpose of my post is other than to just tell someone. I feel like I am going crazy.

4 Replies

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  • I'm glad you decieded to post this on here instead of keeping it to yourself.

    You're not going crazy, you're going through a really tough time, and it will be worth it in the end.

    I wish you all the best. If you ever need to talk, send me a message

  • Thank you :)

  • I think that's kind of the nature of contracts but they extended yours so that's a huge vote of confidence! Unfortunately office politics will always be there and sometimes they're worse than others. I agree you're not in a great position to complain. People, they're everywhere! It can be extremely stressful. If were you I would just continue doing the best job you can. Forget everything when you go home home. Focus on you and realize they clearly have their own issues to deal with. You're clearly a very capable person to continue getting these contracts and that's what matters.

  • Thank you. I'm normally doing just that but things have bothered me these past few weeks.. they like to assert their power by pulling me up for everything.. making me feel useless.. in my heart I know I can't do anymore than I am.. fingers crossed that I get permanent somehow somewhere :)