Every once in a while (24/7) my brain takes a dive into black humor. I know this type of humor isn’t for everyone, but hopefully the rest of you will find a chuckle or two to brighten the day.
Even More Handy APC Euphemisms
for Patients and Their Families
1. Wee Willie, Shorty or Rip VanWinkie
– These are all nicknames for penis’s that can no longer be called swinging dicks, anacondas, big bratwursts or shlongs
o “Sorry I dribbled piss all over the floor, Wee Willie was extra horizontally challenged this morning”
2. Norman Batesing
– Volatile changes in temperament due to ADT
o “Look out! Dad’s Norman Batesing!" (having big mood swings again)
3. Clean up on Aisle 5
– Public incontinence
o “Honey, I need your help with clean up on aisle 5”
o What he’s really saying is, "ARRRGGH! As soon as I felt the urge to pee, my leg felt wet and now I’m trying to hide the evidence.”
4. Raquel Welch’s
– Man Boobs
o I started out with little mounds, but it is getting harder to disguise my new Raquel Welch’s
5. Go Juice
– Trimix or alprostadil.
o I’m heading to the pharmacy to pick up my new bottle of Go Juice - wink, wink
o May in some cases also be used to refer any of the following: oysters, ginseng, yohimbine, or a 1976 Farrah Fawcett poster
6. Grape nuts
– Slang for balls emaciated by ADT.
o Alternatively, “Ghost balls refers to the absence of testicles following castration surgery
7. Harshing my mellow
– Suffering from scanziety
o Waiting for the results from my scans is really harshing my mellow
8. Date With a Vampire
– Going to the lab so they can draw more blood
o Honey, I’d love to watch more of the Voice with you, but I can’t, I’ve got a date with a vampire
9. Daddy’s Little Helpers
– Ativan, gummies, shrooms, booze, Zoloft...
o Self-explanitory. May also be referred to as Grandpa’s Little Helpers
– Anyone who reminds me that I’m fortunate that I have prostate cancer instead of a more deadly cancer.
o Them - “Isn’t that one of the best cancers to get?”
o Me - “Why don’t you sign up for it then, Asshole!”
Made me laugh! Thanks.