I may be weird (I definitely am), but I find dark humor a good outlet for the stress of cancer, the treatments, SE's, etc. I hope these corny jokes make some of you smile, and maybe even laugh. If my humor isn’t for you, please feel free to skip this post - or contribute your own funny wisecracks.
1. Not everything about cancer is negative. For instance, my wife thinks that my personality has really improved since I started ADT.
Just yesterday I heard her telling one of her friends that I wasn’t a complete dick anymore
2. One unexpected plus is that the Lupron and Eligard have made me more mellow. My urologist didn’t advise me on how to maintain my sexual prowess while on ADT and initially I was furious with him.
We he called months later to apologize I didn’t even get pissed. After he apologized I told him, "Don’t worry. I don’t have any hard feelings."
3. One struggle has been that my wife hasn’t shown any sympathy for my ED.
In her opinion she says that it is only fair that I have ED, now neither of us orgasms
4. Unfortunately, the cancer hasn’t made me any funnier. After my last post some of you suggested that I submit a joke to a late night talk show.
I sent my best Erectile Dysfunction joke to Kimmel, but I couldn’t get it in
5. Not to say that the cancer hasn’t brought its own problems, and embarrassments. As an example, when I was setting up my HU account I wanted to use my penis’ nickname as my handle.
I typed in “Wee Willie” but the computer said that it was too short. I suspect AI
6. With cancer comes good news/bad news. For instance, the good news - With the reduction in my testosterone, I don’t suffer from ED
The bad news - My partner does…
7. One thing that ADT has done for me, I’m not worried about dying. In fact, I can’t wait to be stiff again
8. What’s the difference between by penis and my jokes? Nobody laughs at my jokes
Written by
Carlosbach
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Thank you. Humor (no matter how corny) on here is welcome. As long as the humor is not directed at someone such as a member’s so called attempt at humor at MY expense. That’s about the long and short of it.
Come to think of it you're correct........ So a 62 meter reading and 2 fingers for a DRE... gives you a 64 unless the two fingers you use are your thumb and your pinky, then that gives you an automatic 69 meter reading.....Congratulations ,,,,,
haaaaay now …. Don’t make fun of J-o-h-n ….. yayahahahaya. They don’t make paper shopping bags big enough to cover my XXXL head , so I tried one of those 50 gallon plastic bags over my head. Good in theory but not so much in real life. The hammer gave me the plastic bag to tryout, I had to wrestle the zip tie from her hand tho. 😂😂😂😂
well just what the Dr ordered. Today I have two US that’s ultra sounds pelvis and scrotum. I don’t think I’m up to it. Carlosbach anticpation this afternoon what the UL tech can handle.
With all the anticipation of the next test, next appointment, etc., this disease makes it too easy to be gloomy. For me, laughter is a critical piece of my QoL.
Honeymoon was comprised of a trip to VA for chemo and him starting water therapy (which he LOVED) but tonight we’re going to a concert in the big city to see Terrence Blanchard who did the music for the movie “The Woman King” so, that’ll be a nice treat
C2X, My wife and I also have varying degrees of success communicating.
Seriously, it goes best when I tell her what I did that bothered her, and wait for her to tell me what she did. The answer doesn't even take 6th grade science. If she tells me about me, whew! And if I try to tell her about her!!!
hummmmmm ….. sounds like a shopping trip to Spartacus in the works ( whatever that is, I haven’t heard Spartacus before ). , before this “ medication “ wears off.
yayahahahaya yayahahahaya. it cost big 💲for tickets on the choo choo train.
then , tharze nudd’in purdy about sleek jimmy choos 5” shiny patient leather spikes on an ole fat 9” diameter 325 pound ankle. Ewwwwwwwwww …. try to forget that visual …… 👠😂😂😂
Yea buddy …… mak’in me laugh so hard my rib cage hurt’s yayahahahayaya. Funny. I can’t remember the last time I heard the term “ ruebenesque ….. “ broad “ vocabulary there big guy.
ewwwwwwwww ….. that’s getting tooooo creepy even for me yayahahahaya. Yayahahahaya. You win …. Yayahahahaya
Dunno , tho ….up on the Castro, they have the “ hairy bears “ club. The bigger and hairier you are the better. Different “ strokes “ for different folks . 😂😂😂😂
yayahahahaya yayahahahaya. I have government OPM insurance something like gvmt. Mailhandlers. ( one of the best, most expensive policies the government offered back in the day, …short of the congressional type but excellent tho. ). I pick from a book full of providers. This insurance isn’t available in modern times. Mine is from nearly 30 years ago. If you actually got it , it was stopped back when the government changed from the juicy CRS retirements to 401Ks …. you got to keep it until you croak. I might have some Medicare privileges, I dunno … never used any far as I know. If I could get a doctor to sign off on it, the coverage will pay for about anything, including glasses, hearing aids and dental. I’m pretty sure bedazzled tweezers wouldn’t be qualified tho yayahahahaya. It did pay for a fancy penis pump back several decades ago. 😂😂😂😂
Omg yayayay yayay yayayay yayay …. Prolly about 99 cents at art mart or the dollar store yayayay yayayayay. You have to be careful, those sequins and jewels fall off and chafe . Just say’in 😂😂😂
Hairy bear club. Doesn't that rule all us ADT bald bears out? Not sure if I am the only one but the body hair is starting to go on chest and legs and I didn't have much to start with.
yea dang nab it ……. Excommunication from hairy bears would be humiliating ….
I only have hair on my head nowadays , rest of it gone, plus I have that unusual “ cancer treatment skin “ look too. It’s a “ dead “ giveaway … just say’in yayaya yayayayaya.
I’ve been kinda scraping the sludge in the bottom of the barrel lately. Not my fluffy best …. Reading the back and forth banter in this post has actually made me focus on something besides myself and made me feel a little better. These QOL posts actually can help a some. Thanks brother.
Not sure what you mean by "fluffy" after your Castro comment...
Glad that the exchanges in this post helped to lift your spirits. Just hearing that lifted mine as well. I've also had some nice PMs from folks who have enjoyed the jokes and word play.
it’s “ fluffy , not stuffy “ ( memba that ? ) yayahahahaya pretty funny tho. In the Castro there is always a little something for everyone. I’m more of the Haight guy ( used to live one block off Haight ) … but I like to keep a broad spectrum perspective. Yayahahahaya
coupla , 3 days this week , I wasn’t sure if I even could get outta bed and when I hobbled - shuffled to my chair in my bathroom ( I can’t walk far or stand very long ) , the hammer came in and looked at me alarmed and asked me if I wanted her to drive me over to Kaiser E.R. because “ I looked really bad “ . Scared her. Yayahahahaya. I had phyllis Diller hair, a heavily glazed over look , listing to one side etc . Barely coherent … Head propped up with a stick ( kinda ) …. and spent most of the day asleep on my couch.
Today, however, I hopped up an hour early ( call of the Wild porcelain fixture ) , had my normal no-carb breakfast with my morning pills and am clear and alert and feeling a little perky even. Thinking about driving up to see the snow and holiday crowds in the mountains. Right now ( 7 a.m. ) I’m out and about doing a water - filter change maintenance on the jacuzzi for the holiday.
A dramatic change. Relatively speaking, I feel great today 😁😁😁 💪💪💪. Go figure , maybe it’s this QOL post ….. well, maybe a little bit yayahahahaya. Blows my mind how I can have such dramatic changes from one day to next. I’m very thankful for these good days buddy … VERY. Today it’s beautiful outdoors, spring has exploded here, the weather very nice … I feel good and it’s my one day a week to eat some carbs . Wooo hoooo. 😂😂😂
Glad your feelin better. You've been hard at it with maintenance stuff around your house ( the trike etc. ) hope you take your time on that stuff like I do, dont push and take breaks.
My fluff has been down comparatively speaking for about 5 months with my cancer progressing under Xtandi which then I stopped under Dr.s direction (no reason to have the SE's if there is no benefit lol). I start a trial drug this Tuesday. I hope about a month later my appetite is back and some of my mental capacities.
Just not myself. Hard to find the wit and the words to chime in to posts/threads these days. But I still appreciate reading from you and all here.
yea …. Jacuzzi came out sparking beautiful …but had to do a lot of calcium ring removal chemical / buffing and other stuff like treat the top lid of the tub with conditioner, filters etc. but it’s ready and calling my name. After SvenGoolie ( in 8 minutes at 8p.m. Locally …. “ attack of killer shrews “ tonight. ) I’m in there until I get soggy yayahahahaya. New water with the big power massage jets ( it’s a medical jacuzzi ) really give you a wonderful workout but I have to be careful, turned all the way up they can induce pain and bruises. The powerful massage jets really feel good on my hefty lower body neuropathy.
you are right buddy, easy does it … I came back in about noon thirty and next thing I remember is waking up on my couch at 7 p.m. . I was so trashed and exhausted, needed to rest up I guess. Pain meds wore off , good alarm clock yayahahahaya. Grabbed some door dash Seafood pasta and ready to see the shrews.
Cripes … every time I hear that one of the ADTs like Xtandi has quit, its so cringeworthy that’s it’s sickening sometimes. I hope your trial adds a ton of time to the meter buddy … or at least picks up behind the ADT smoothly. You are younger and comparatively much healthier, that’s a lot going for you. Perk up big guy … some anti-depressants or delta-8 may get boost you up a bit too. Staying busy - distracted is work of its own yayayaya. I’ve been reading but posting less myself … when I feel so rough , it’s hard to do much of anything , sleep mostly. I get how you feel.
Hope your holiday weekend is great and you have some fun activities lined up. The central California fruit trail opens up this weekend … it’ll be miles of fields , farms and fresh roadside produce sales. Eating fresh strawberries and sponge cake for desert tonight myself. Yayahahahaya yayahahahaya. Take care buddy , have some holiday recreation to lighten up things.
Thank you bruddha, I’m sitting jetting my feet as I write this. Feels good.
Got the “ honey dews “ out of the way for now, concentrating just on direct QOL. I couldn’t keep up with you , even in my etrike … trying , tho ….. is half the Randy inspired fun.
Whats your trial drug called? Sorry to hear your still hurting from the Xtandi. I think I probably got a small taste of what you and K have been going through for so long.
the Tiny Rascals are still taking bets, but the odds keep escalating so rapidly (with you as the favorite) that there’s no smart money going against you
yayahahahaya I loved camping at the beach or up in sequoia, national forest. …. Finding a nearby “ dump site “ was always my problem , seemed like. Yayahahahaya
I do a lot of camping - hammock or tarp or just a wool blanket. Hunt/fish/forage for food. Life at an elemental survival level. Puts a lot of things in perspective.
Used to be a tent camper. My first was a two person pup tent, and I've loved camping ever since. In 2021 I bout a small camp trailer, no more sleeping on a ground pad for this old man. My arthritic hips hurt way too much in the morning to crawl out into the cold and go pee. Tempting, especially with incontinence, to just pee where you are.
Hammocks got me back in the woods. Hips, shoulders, knees - all irrelevant with a good custom hammock with a diagonal foot box for a nice flat lay! Tarp overhead, attached bug netting … the easiest way for us older folk to go camping again! Light, cheap, comfortable.
Sounds like you have found a pretty elegant solution. I think the days of that kind of camping are over for me. I’ve become spoiled to the comfort of my little camper trailer. I can use it as a base of operations for my hiking trips, for tubing trips with the grandkids, and my wife and I enjoy using it to get away together, plus it’s a pretty comfortable dog house for when I screw up
I camped a lot in my early days as a scout and later as a scouting NESA leader. After the daughters were born, we had one of those small Dolphin motor homes. Both my and my wives work lives were hectic .. we left every Friday night and returned Sunday night ….out camping for years. Did that when the girls were young ( probably turned over and looked under every rock and every tide pool , on every turnout , on the central coast yayahahahaya. ) central California is fortunately located for that type of lifestyle.
About 90% + at the coast but the close proximity of the two national parks plus Mono Hot Springs dictated that we did mountain camping too.
Eventually the girls discovered their social life and the hammer started spending her summers in Texas with her family ( she said ) and that era ended.
Nowadays the hammer camps out in her suites in the Atlantis Reno, or Vegas and enjoys nature from her balconies awaiting room service yayayaya yayayayaya. She never felt safe in a tent .
Sounds like we had a similar approach. I took a map of Oregon and Washington and drew circles at 1-hr from home, 2-hrs, etc. Then, depending on what else needed to be done on a weekend, we would head out. We enjoyed the Oregon coast, the Columbia River Gorge, the Willamette Valley, Bend and Sisters, etc.
One highlight of our longer trips was camping at Glacier Park and in the mountains above Jackson hole. When it started getting more difficult for me to tent camp, my son, grandson and I built a Gypsy Wagon (Vardo) which was easy to hook up and pull. It was great for a short trip, but my needs changed after my health started declining.
My lovely wife wasn't into tent camping at all, and she loves a nice suite, but she enjoys the trailer, so I guess its a keeper for now.
Sorry to hear it K. Talk about an unneccesary complication, and agravation for the hammer. Caregiving sucks as much as having cancer.
Might be time for a brazilian wax.
Keep your head up. We've all got our own embarassing struggles. One of the most valuable benefits of this support group is being able to be frank and honest about what's going on with us, in realitive annonymity.
I know, in dealing with this disease I've lost just about every thread of modesty I had. Seems like half of Kaiser has had me drop my pants, poked things in my penis and anus, and i've emergency peed in so many places that it is old hat now. Plus, in the early days of before diagnosis, I figured out how to take off a soaked Depends without dropping trou.
I'm working on a TikTok video on that technique now to really give the kids something to laugh about.
My dwarf name is Horny. Ironic, no? Last time I got a piece of ass was when my finger broke through the toilet paper. Out of habit, I left $20 on the sink and said thank you.
I hear you …. Pooping in a porta potty, covered with a poncho privacy cover, in the far end of a Walmart parking lot , ends modestly as well yayahahahaya cringeworthy tho …..
also cringeworthy will be your legacy of helpful medical videos ……We’ll appreciate them fully but “ the kids “ eeeeeew, cringeworthy ….😂😂😂😂
Maybe TikTok is the wrong media choice. Sounds like I should create a website with helful tips and photos of all the ways we've found to void in public. Nah
Oh ..chit .. well , …. maybe just for you buddy . Yayahahahaya
I’ve got a routine set up where I pull over ( in the Silverado ) and the hammer jumps out sits out the already prepped, ready to “go “ ( yayahahahaya ) camping potty on the ground ( back to the opening ) between the opposing truck doors that make a kinda private space to begin with ….. by the time I get around to that side of the truck , it’s ready and I drop trouser and plop down . ( figuratively speaking) . Bibian can stand and block the opening or we’ve got a sheet and magnets to go across the opening to spare Bibian the ordeal. Then I discovered one of those beach personal changing rooms ( basically a X-Large poncho with a large hole in the center. ) that works perfect for privacy.
I’ve got another poncho privacy cover and a couple of those medical urine jugs in the storage under the seat of the etrike too. Invariably, I have to pee every 10-15-20 minutes ….anywhere I’m at. On a busy suburban hike and bike trail , peeing can be iffy. So I pull off the trail into a distant place behind a tree or bush , out of sight as much as possible and pee in one of the jugs. If people are all over, I put the private changing room poncho over me for privacy. Nolo problemo.
The constant peeing is caused by my ADT and high bp diuretics , no kidney stones for me yayahahahaya. The bm’s are a result of needing strong laxatives to counteract the bowel blocking that strong opiates bring. It’s unpredictable and can be uncontrolled. I also carry changes of clothes and sanitary wipes , just in case. The hammer helps clean me up when things get ugly.
Most people never remotely think about the “ issues “, for a guy in my situation , just getting out of the house and driving downtown for an hour and a half … it’s challenging on a good day , a night mare on bad days. I have to poop usually twice a day. Once in the am and once on the pm . The time is VERY unpredictable and when it’s on the way , there is no controlling or “ holding “ it. Activity like getting dressed and ready to go seems to stimulate - provoke it. It boils down to , stay at home and be safe , or go out and brave / risk the challenges. Imagine the difficulty in a 3 hour drive to a resort at the beach. Yayahahahaya.
Oh Damn Brother K! I am sorry to hear of your struggles, but I admire you even more for persevering.
I thought I had some hurdles traveling when my incontinence was at its worst. When they scoped me in the beginning the Dr discovered that my cancer bloated prostate was keeping me from voiding adequately. As a result I had bladder stones, and the crystals were also interfering with a good void. Consequently, I had to pee every 20 min.
At that time we had a small place at the coast about 2.5 hours away. During the pandemic I had every porta potty, logging road, etc mapped out so i could drive 19 min, and stop to pee. I rigged up a screen between the two passenger side doors of my Highlander for dire emergencies. Sometime I'll share about the indignities of the times I tried to go 21 minutes.
Eventually, I bought a small tank with a hose so that I could unzip and pee, without getting out of the car. And then came catheters...
I just wrote you a reply to the “ oh damn brother K post “ including a picture. It totally disappeared. Guess the mods didn’t want more pathetic ramblings related to all this . Fairly often stuff I post suddenly vanishes ….
Anyway it included this picture too … have this on the dining room table right now.
well …. I fully admit the hammer takes better care of me than anyone else could …. Our 45 years together has caused us to “ synchronize “ so to speak . She knows everything I think - feel and vice versa. She can read me like a book …. Knows every expression in my face and reads my eyes like a fortune teller. We co-speak saying and thinking everything at the same time. She has endured a lot with my cancer , and this wears on her emotionally… something that I dearly wish she didn’t have to put up with. She doesn’t deserve it.
Wish now I had replied to your initial response, but the D-8 had taken over by that time.
Conscious awareness of one's own thinking is a rare attribute, and your unique awareness illuminates your posts and replies. I'm with GSDF on this one.
As for the hammer, the load she carries is a load she chooses to bear. And that choice is because of who she is, who your are, and because of your crazy shared past. I know that you wouldn't wish it on her.
I also don't wish the next few years on my wife of 44 years. But, I wouldn't want to face the challenges ahead alone, and I'm enormously grateful for her being willing to accept this difficult future. She lost her mom to cancer in 2006, and she was the primary care giver. In 2016 her father died of cancer, and again she was there for him. I know that the thought of "here we go again" must reverberate in her thoughts, but she's choosing to step up again.
Sounds like a fun time at your place tonight. I haven't had the laugh factory buzz yet, but had a very chill time on music night. Good mood all around, but the best part was I slept so f'ing good last night. If I had slept any sounder I would have pissed the bed. Woke up early and refreshed, ready to take Saturday on full bore.
Cool tech to enhance Sven viewing. Sounds like a good time.
Temperate day here so the wife and I are planning on a late picnic and a little star viewing. This time of year the Canadian geese are returning home and they tend to circle our place while the regroup into their V's for the trip north. Lots of honking and its fun to watch, so the evening's viewing will start with that, then move onto the bats circling over the pond at dusk, and hopefully a clear sky for the stars and the jets leaving PDX late at night pass over us on their way to crossing the Pacific. Life is good - except when it isn't.
The Canadian geese around here have been oversummering here more and more … but the skies have also been full of them. The local AG college grows a lot of acres of corn to feed them to keep them off their other crops like almonds and pistachios. The nearby wetlands at Los Banos are favorite wintering locations for nearly uncountable numbers of migratory birds … supposedly 257 species including Sand Hill Cranes. But to me , Canadian geese seem to be the most prevalent hands down, of course the state grows 100s of acres of corn and grain crops near the protected state wetlands …to feed them. They are breathtaking to behold when they lift off to circle and reposition themselves. ( just hope not over your car yayayaya ).
Boy howdy , thousands of pounds daily …surely. But those are off in the distance and mostly you don’t get bombed. However ( see pic ) …I was guiding a kayak tour in the Moro Bay esturary .. and there was a magnificent flock of some kind of large migratory bird chilling there in the Montana Del Oro end. I emphatically asked my friends to be very quiet , we were in the middle of them and slow and easy keeps them comfortable. But my friends are insatiable trouble makers. Yayahahahaya. One whacked the side of his kayak and yelled loudly. OMG , it was like an episode out of a Hitchcock horror film. This species is one ( of the many ) that poops when they take off. I cannot properly convey the ugly horror. Plus, people nearby, all over were screaming and cussing us yayahahahaya yayahahahaya. Yuck …..
I still cringe out about it today. We drove everything ( trailered kayaks, truck and us ) .thru one of those drive thru sprayer car wash’s to get the “ bulk “ off … and worse it was especially stinky . I suspect that behavior is some kind of predator defense strategy.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
ADT/Exercise and QoL thanks
QoL: An elephant blessing
