Feeling Hopeless

[TormentedAndTortured]

So sick of ADD - so sick of running around in circles trying to find things, knocking things over, spilling things, messing things up, inventing all kinds of new and creative mistakes. The thought of being this way my entire life fills me with an indescribable depression. I smoke, not tobacco but the other stuff, and if I ever get a notion to try to stop or even cut back, I end up losing my damn mind even worse, to where it becomes costly and I'm afraid could even become dangerous. I lose my wallet, I lose my phone, and I'm so unfocused I'm afraid of accidentally hurting someone, most likely myself, purely out of extreme carelessness. It reminds me of the cliche of people chaining themselves to a bed to quit heroin. I almost feel like I have to do that in order to get through it. I need to lock myself in a room with nothing in it, so there's nothing to lose or break, or otherwise mess up somehow. This is why I always end up running back to smoking, and end up smoking like a chimney to try to get my brain back. It's an indescribable nightmare. I make a cup of tea, a friend calls me on the phone, I talk to him briefly, and afterwards search the house for the tea, and it is nowhere. I can easily make another, but it doesn't help - the fact that it has disappeared makes me crazy. Or I decide to make a salad, someone talks to me while I'm doing it, and suddenly the cucumber has disappeared. I just saw it a second ago, but now it's gone. And this happens to me all day long, when it hits me bad. It seems to go away, I have disaster free days, and then it comes back with a vengeance. It always comes back, the endless nightmare, the living hell. What to do ? I started working on getting healthcare, I'll see where that goes. I just want to try to enjoy my life, and get some peace, rather than lead a life of endless torment. Makes sense, right ?

[Zilmita]

I know how you feel. This can happen to me too. It's frustrating!!!! What frustrates me the most is when I'm asked to help out my parents with something. I can be in the middle of helping one of them and the other just starts calling for me. I tell them that I'm busy at the moment and that I'll be there a.s.a.p. They get all pissed off and yell at me expecting me to drop everything that I'm doing with assisting the parent that I'm assisting. It happens a lot. I feel your frustration. I do!!!! I tell my mom that I'm going to leave my water in the kitchen for a minute since I'm being asked to help my dad with something. I ask her not to move my water. 5 minutes later I come back to the kitchen and my water is gone. I ask her where it is and she tells me that she washed the bottle and put it a way. I tell her (nicely) didn't I specifically tell you that I wasn't finished with my water? Didn't I specifically tell you that I was coming back after I helped dad with something? And she acts like: Oh I didn't hear you. URGH!!!!! Just politely tell whomever it is that you're busy and that once you're done that you'll gladly help them out. That usually can work. Not all the time though. I've done this with my mom. I tell her that I'll be back in a minute and not to move my drink. I come back and it's gone. I think that she also has ADD but, doesn't want to go to the doctor to get it diagnosed. So frustrating.

[HaloDad in reply to Zilmita]

It can get better with the right medication. Sure you'll still lose things on occasion, you're still you. But at least you won't feel incompetent.

The quirks of ADHD never seem fair. Just remember, you're human too. Everyone else should give you a break.

[Zilmita in reply to HaloDad]

Thanks.