Stay-at-Home Parent Without Needed Support

[KuroIsLittle]

I have a toddler. I'm in a Master's program online. I have no family physically near and no one to call. My partner works full-time and is in school hybrid. He has severe depression. I have weekly therapy and medication, but the medication hasn't seemed to be working for a few weeks. I'll call the psychiatrist tomorrow to see if it might be due to a medication switch.

I've tried to get human interaction by joining volunteer groups, meeting up with my school peers, doing online groups, etc. Somehow, nothing has stuck. I give and give in my life and yet, people don't ask how I am or text or call me. It almost seems pointless to check my phone now.

I just don't know what to do at this point because I've done the right things. I'm medicated. I have therapy, but I'm alone despite having a partner. Who somehow hasn't been listening all the years I've explained ADHD to him, tried so hard to make him comprehend what I'm going through. Since I also have diagnosed depression. We highly suspect undiagnosed ASD, but since no diagnosis, can't really say.

I just know that more and more in my life is endless give and sacrifice and now, I'm so exhausted that I can't hardly think straight oftentimes. On top of sleep deprivation still because my toddler doesn't like to sleep.

I was diagnosed with ADD as a kid, but was misdiagnosed with other things along the way, so I only had therapy and bad meds and no IEPs or anything growing up. One 504 or whatever for a few months that wasn't very helpful once.

I'm just so at the end of my rope that I don't know what to do and when I've called hotlines, I've been hung up on because I'm not so bad as to warrant them listening to me for crazy long since someone else is doing much worse and desperately needs to be talked down.

Can others relate to this experience and share a personal anecdote or something? It feels silly to ask if anyone else is going through this because I know a lot of people are. All the time. None of this is truly unique. So, the question isn't whether anyone has, but rather how to connect with people who understand.

[Mamamichl]

I finally got a counselor that understands and makes me feel validated. After so many bad experiences, someone finally told me that all medical professionals need to have their philosophy online these days. I literally looked up the name of every counselor my insurance would cover and found one with experience in all of my diagnoses (adhd,ptsd, and anxiety).it happened that she also has adhd and so we hit it off.

The emergency lines are supposed to be for people that are suicidal, so the people on the phone don’t know how to do “regular” therapy and help us when we feel like we are doomed but not unsafe.

Have you tried to find groups that have similar interests to you? My partner loved D&D and I love video games. I represent whenever I can and it helps me find people that are similar. It did help to move back to the area I grew up in because I learned people socialize differently in different places. I’ve joined several Facebook groups that are my fandoms and it’s nice to find like minded people. I have left some that started to make me uncomfortable though.

[KuroIsLittle in reply to Mamamichl]

Yes, I'm in FB groups. I like my therapist. I've tried groups through Meet-up for things I'm into. Didn't work out. It's very hard to keep up since I don't drive and have to do everything with my daughter around.

[KuroIsLittle in reply to Mamamichl]

Even phone calls have been extremely difficult with my daughter. Because she's talking so much and she wants me so much. She's almost 2 and has a huge preference for me over her dad despite him being there for her. She wakes up constantly in sleep. My brain is just moosh so often from sleep deprivation and not being able to sleep more than a few hours at a time without being woken up. And I'm very sensory sensitive. She hair twirls. It triggers me so bad. And she has done it to the point of me waking up feeling like my scalp is burning.

[Mamamichl in reply to KuroIsLittle]

I totally get being overwhelmed when kiddo is 2. Mi e is 9 now and it got better as they got older. Have you tried melatonin for sleep? I learned we needed it and tried to get her off it over the summer in vain. She started around 2 because I didn’t want her nor I to be mush whenever possible. Lubrary story groups were my friend at that age for socialization. At 3 she was able to go to head start/preschool so I got some reprieve then too. My mantra at that age was “this too shall pass”

Oh… and I totally get how your daughter can trigger you. My stepson hi is 14 (I’ve been in his life since 2yo), and he triggers me with this anxiety tics of constantly apologizing on repeat. I have to tense up and walk away because I used to blow up at him which made it worse.

[KuroIsLittle in reply to Mamamichl]

We haven't tried melatonin yet. I'm very hesitant to do that at such a young age. And at least this week, I'm now maybe 80% certain she's in a sleep regression. Because the last couple nights of full wake up refuse to sleep (which is different than just regular constant wake ups every couple hours) were full energy, she was ready to play, she wanted us to read. It's kind of incredible how children's nights can vary week to week even if in general they aren't good at sleeping?? Just really incredible if you think about all the developing their little brain must be doing. Luckily my partner let me get a few extra hours sleep today cuz I needed that. My back decided yesterday it wanted to be at a good 8-9 pain level for whatever reason. So, that was a huge relief to get some more sleep. Cuz I got homework I need to do 😅

And kiddo does have daycare. Which honestly I think has greatly helped her socialize. It also means she learns things like how to throw her glasses from the other kids 🤦‍♂️

So, I guess, welcome to being a parent? LOL

Some of this feels incredibly normal if that makes any sense. When talking about her.

[Mamamichl in reply to KuroIsLittle]

Daycare helps kids learn so many social skills. At 2.5 we started melatonin and by 4 it was a daily thing. We spent the summer without at 9, but she couldn’t sleep before midnight all summer. Although it helps those with adhd, we do end up relying on it. My kiddos world recently got bigger at the same time as some family trauma, so it’s been hard for her to sleep for that reason too.

[KuroIsLittle in reply to Mamamichl]

I think we will revisit closer to 2.5 or older. She's going to be 2 in January, so she's still not 2 yet. Which feels like a big deal for some reason. Even though it oftentimes feels like she's already 2. She says so many words. Plus a tiny bit of sign language. She can sing way more than I thought a toddler was capable of learning. Plus humming.

She's also seemingly sensory seeking which has me nervous. And I think she might be teething again because she's started biting us again! She's got double the teeth they expect at this age.

Sometimes it scares me how advanced she is because it doesn't feel normal and also, because I worry if she has any needs, it'll go uncredited because of her intelligence. That happened to me growing up. Smart enough that clearly I must not have needed help 🤦‍♂️

[Mamamichl in reply to KuroIsLittle]

I went undiagnosed until 38 because of my intelligence. People with adhd tend to have higher intelligence, and doctors are realizing this, so don’t worry too much. As for teething, colt we washcloths were our friend. I totally get waiting until 2. Feel free to also purchase chewelry (is basically a rubber chew toy for humans). It helps my special needs kids, but my kiddo still hasn’t stopped sucking her thumb at 9yo instead. Really helps the sensory seeking.

[KuroIsLittle in reply to Mamamichl]

Silly question, so does that mean having teething stuff regardless of when actually teething? She tends to ignore a lot of the teething toes we have bought in the past, but she adores toothbrushes. So, I think that may just be a preference over what we bought her? Her dentist wanted her off her pacifier ASAP because of the sheer amount of teeth she already has. I got a cute triceratops for her to bounce on, but she refuses to bounce on it and pets it instead! 🤦‍♂️🤣

[Mamamichl in reply to KuroIsLittle]

It is a preference thing. If she likes toothbrushes, wet them and stick them in the freezer. My kid loved them too. Luckily they thaw fast. I’m still trying to get my 9yo to stop sucking her thumb. 😅

[Nightingale007]

I can totally relate! Perhaps I can direct message you offsite. I have to get kid off to school- but don’t want to not send this. I am older than you but so much of what you have said I can unfortunately relate to. If you are a giver by nature it can be very difficult to put yourself first- especially when a little one is introduced.

I will say more in a bit. Not sure how this site works if there is DM- but let’s connect!

I am Kate. And I am here today if you need to talk.

[KuroIsLittle in reply to Nightingale007]

I definitely am a giver by nature. Would love to connect! I only have the one kid, but she's quite a handful for me. Albeit, super cute and smart. It's not all bad LOL

[Nightingale007 in reply to KuroIsLittle]

Hi! I hope your weekend is going well. I know this is a difficult time when your child needs you 24/7 and you cannot step away even for a moment.

[KuroIsLittle in reply to Nightingale007]

Today is actually really good so far! 😊 It's such an odd dichotomy because on one hand I want affection and of course, like that she likes me at times. But then, I want her to have a good relationship with her Dad and he feels rejected a lot. He puts so much effort into her. And a lot comes down to sensory issues. The more stressed I am, the more vulnerable to it I seem to be. Which isn't about her. But it affects how we interact.