The author of "Alice In Wonderland" Lewis Carroll, when talking of impossible things, once said "I've already thought of 100 impossible things before breakfast." My version is "I've already done 100 stupid things before breakfast." Lost this, misplaced that, forgot the other thing, screwed that up, etc etc etc. I could make a list of all the idiotic things I do every damn day, if it did any damn good. I know I have a negative outlook, but I'm caught in an impossible situation, a vortex, a Catch 22, and I'm bitter and cynical as all hell. I have a problem I can't figure out, and I can't fix. I've had such bad untreated ADD my whole life, that nothing will work for me now. I've tried numerous suggestions and medications and nothing works. I haven't tried Adderall consistently, but now that I've blown it with numerous ADD help places, or maybe it's that too many people, even in those places, don't have a clue, either way, the whole thing just looks impossible. It's just a big blur in my head and I don't know where to start. I'm overwhelmed, inconsistent, lazy, cynical, etc. Life has beaten me into submission. I have nothing to offer, I just spew negativity and frustration, but maybe all my stupid venting posts can be useful as a cautionary tale - if you have something that works for you, than by all means keep doing it, otherwise you could end up like me.. and you definitely don't want that
100 things before breakfast - CHADD's Adult ADH...
100 things before breakfast
That was me...if that tells you anything!!! I was bad and felt bad all the time. Sometimes it just takes something eventful enough, even a tragedy, or just being so damned tired of the situation. Stop beating yourself up tho because the negativity will stay with you the more you do that. Just say whoops it stinks that I did that but it's not the end of the world . Start thinking of five positive things per day. There is positivity in all negative situations so if you want to say well I had a s*** day but at least it wasn't the worst s*** day I ever had .... you are your own master if you want to be more positive.... then you have to talk to yourself and tell yourself you are going to be positive. Some days it seems impossible trust me I know. I backslide. Think of your overall goals what are they what do you want to be when you grow up..... .age is not a boundary ... are you what you want to be when you grow up? Do you want to pursue School? That's one way to help you get a pinpoint diagnosis cuz they can test you for that if you're in school. Do you feel like you missed out on something that you couldn't do at the time but you might be able to do it now? With all adhders there is Talent somewhere. What do you think you're talents are? Jump on they are usually the things that are closest to your soul and make you happy when you do them. And I'm going to keep trying to reach out to you because something might actually strike you enough to pull you out of your slump.
beneath it all cynicism is a choice. Or can be. Perhaps you were surrounded by negativity. Maybe events led you deeper into a tendency. Whatever the case, you can probably escape to some extent if you make the choice to take control and desire your brain to serve you rather that continue to hurt you. I can offer further advice if this interests you.
Rewire* not “desire”
Ok, sure. What can I do to help my brain when all day long I'm going crazy because I can't find things - everything I do almost is hindered and blocked because I can't keep track of anything and I just lose things all day long. How do I "keep my head up" and not be driven crazy by the fact that doing almost anything is a huge hassle and nothing is easy and it's only getting worse over time?
Because you have the choice to stop being pessimistic. Which is putting you in the dark rabbit hole. It is unfortunate because when you have been a certain way for so long its hard to break the cycle... but not impossible. The rule of thumb with anything new or revisited that you try...is to try it for 30 days. So say you want to try an app like calm, headspace or insight for mind ...do it for 30 days. or if you decide you want to work out or do yoga for body... do it for 30 days. Then pick something that you know would help your spirit or help you form better habits …. do it for 30 days. It takes 30 days to form bad habits and 30 days to quite a bad habit. Give it an honest try.
I can't do anything for thirty days, my record is typically about 3, but sure, I'll try, why not. Nothing better to do. I personally don't buy that stuff about it always being a choice. That's just people who have a choice assuming that everyone does. As Heraclitus says, "A person's character is their fate." That's the point of Greek tragedies, the tragic figures don't really have a choice. But that's neither here nor there.
I do understand what your saying/feeling and going through. Its a constant battle that seems to never stop or have a sound solution. The mind can convince and talk you into anything!!!!! Just know that... that can go both ways. I believe you should try the ice baths! When I lived in a cold State. I jumped in the water that was super cold but also super beautiful. I was able to swim in there for a while....I know you got to be careful of that because you can get hyperthermia! But I have to tell you.. I felt amazing! my body didn't hurt anymore, I didn't feel swollen or puffy, my mind was at peace and more clear than it ever was. I wish I had a way to do that in my state without it costing an arm and a leg to go somewhere that has the ice baths.... hmmmm actually I might be able to find a group that has that going on in my area through Meetup or Facebook. Anyways, that's definitely worth a try!
I have to be very regimented about putting things only in a certain spot- that way I can always find them. If not, I'm just as crazy as you are.
I always knew, based upon that comment, that Lewis Carroll def had ADHD along with a few other ailments- ha ha! I def have days where I think 100 things before breakfast and getting my meds.
By way of literature, I'm a bit less Carroll and a bit more Seneca and the Stoics. I'm done with fantasy land and I'm becoming very focused and grounded in harsh reality. It's actually quite beneficial for brain.
On the physical side, I'm engaging in a new kind of 'shock therapy', if you will, but it's no longer shocking after a couple of weeks. I'm just sharing because I'm doing it and it's a huge game changer that I hope I can spread throughout the AdultADHD community: Cold Plunges.
Start by taking cold showers, as cold as the water will go in your house. I bought an IcePod and I'm now 2 weeks into a daily 10+ minutes at 38oF. The water warms up to 42oF by the time I'm done.
I cannot tell you how it helps me to calm down, slow down, let go of stupid people and all THEIR issues, and simply live my life. As you research all the benefits of deliberate cold exposure, you will be blown away and you'll think Carroll wrote that list of benefits because it sounds too good to be true. But it is. I'm living proof.
Is it pleasant? No. Do you get used to it surprisingly fast? Yes. I don't bat an eye anymore getting into the cold water. Mind you, it took about a dozen dips starting at 56oF and gradually bringing it down, but It's totally worth it.
I firmly believe that if in the Adult ADHD community we really pushed each other to do Cold Plunges (Deliberate Cold Exposure, for us HubermanLab.com listeners), we would bring everyone along at least another 50-70% forward in their daily regimen and with improvements in emotional regulation, memory, cognition, practicality, focus, concentration, relieved dysregulation, lower blood pressure, not to mention how it annihilates inflammation throughout the body, INCLUDING THE BRAIN. See what I'm getting at?
Just like daily creatine intake is neuro-protective, but all anyone ever talks about is the effects on weight training, likewise, Cold Plunges are enormously positive for the brain, they just happen to be beneficial for a lot of physical things as well. I'm even sleeping a bit better, over and above all the improvements in sleep I'd already figured out in this last year.
I'm finally not overanalyzing everything as you clearly still are, and refocusing all that energy toward things that are positive and with a much, much lower cognitive load in the process.
I hate to see that you're still caught in the vortex of negative self-talk and putting yourself down. Start with really cold showers, get yourself and IcePod to start cheap and give it a go for at least two weeks every day. You'll thank me for it.
Sorry about redirecting your post so abruptly, but I would much rather shock you into something positive, even though it will come across as very counterintuitive for you in the moment, than to go down the Carroll rabbit hole with you. He's part of literature; great. This is your life and it needs to jump off the page and it needs to be lived. Only you can live it.
If you get the chills, let it pass. DO NOT get in a hot shower to countermand the effects. The chill response is actually a sign that your body is producing a huge amount of natural dopamine that is both mellow and natural and it will last you anywhere from 8 to 12 hours or until you go to bed. What would we all do to find the 'right med' that did that for us? The answer is right there in your shower to begin with. Don't think. Get up and go do it. You'll thank yourself for it.
I hope this helps.
Be well. Godspeed.
It's not like I'm obsessed with Lewis Carroll, it's just a quote in the beginning of a different book that I remembered, because that's the kind of thing I remember while I'm forgetting what's happening in my life and screwing it up. But speaking of "Fantasyland," Thomas Moore has a book on the importance of maintaining a sense of enchantment in life, "The Re-enchantment of Everyday Life". For me focusing on gritty reality just reminds me how frustrated and miserable I am and makes me depressed. Different strokes for different folks, remember. There's a condescending tone that creeps into your advice. I'll try the shower thing though. One of the few things I remember about reading James Bond books as a kid was that James Bond always took "a long hot shower, followed by a quick ice cold one," and I remember doing that as well when I was younger and not thinking about heart attacks. "Godspeed." That's part of the problem, I do things too quickly haha.. but anyway, thanks for the suggestion, I'll try it
Sorry you take it that way. I'm not saying anything in a condescending manner; you're just hearing it that way because of your RSD, which I am helping you address. Anything I or anyone else says in this forum will likely be taken the wrong way in your current state.
I'm here to help you. You just have to let yourself be helped. No offense meant here.
Be well.
Scattered mind scattered life
We're in this together...so no giving up, please!!
Stay-at-Home Parent Without Needed Support
