ADD makes me feel like I am not meant to accomplish anything, be happy, enjoy life, any of that crap. Recently I stuck with something (a book) and actually finished it. It felt good to finish something, so I said "I'm going to read another one," foolishly forgetting that I have ADD, and am not meant to accomplish or enjoy anything. For my next book I even chose one that I have two copies of (I thought I was really being clever here), but sure enough, I'm reading one copy, and starting to enjoy it (my second mistake) so naturally it immediately disappeared, and I said "Oh well, no big deal," all confident-like, as I had this other copy, so I start to read that one only to realize that there is a page torn out half way through, because that's the kind of thing that always happens to me. And of course the local bookstore or library doesn't have a copy of it, so I'd have to order it, wait two weeks, etc. Maybe I just shouldn't read books, but just stare at the wall instead (chances are that's not going anywhere). This is how my life works. I swear, if I ever find that goddamn book I'm going to go buy a roll of brightly colored ribbon and tape like a 30 foot piece to it and tie it to something, the lamp I'm reading by, anything. And then if I have the audacity to want to take it somewhere, like my job, I'll tie it to the rearview mirror and then when I want to read it, I'll pull the ribbon and at the other end will just be a tattered piece of ribbon, like when a fish takes the entire end of your line. I can see it now...Recently a friend told me something interesting. He said, "I have a friend who I always thought of as a responsible, together person, and I made some comment about that, and he said, 'Oh, it's only because of Adderall, without Adderall I'd be a basket case.' Maybe you should try that?" It gave me a hope, as a basket case, that maybe I could do that too? But then I remembered all that is involved - getting healthcare, choosing a psychiatrist and trying to convince him that I have ADD and to write me a prescription for something that they're careful about just handing out to anyone, etc etc. Thinking about that whole stupid process just makes me want to stick my face in a fan, or my head in a blender or something. For someone with my brain, that's like the equivalent of climbing Mt Everest, solo, without equipment. Forget it. But I'm getting that itch again, to want to try it, at least until I get smacked down again somehow and reminded that I'm not meant to accomplish anything, feel happy, enjoy life, etc etc.. anyway, if ADD is real, then hell is real, because ADD is hell
Hell Is Real : ADD makes me feel like... - CHADD's Adult ADH...
Hell Is Real
Dear Tormented555:
Thanks for contacting CHADD's National Resource Center on ADHD.
Sounds like you've had a win-finishing a book!! That is wonderful! Hold on to that feeling of accomplishment. Task completion is a challenge that many with ADHD struggle with and you were able to overcome that.
It sounds like you might benefit from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy which provides strategies to deal with the negative thinking patterns that many of us find ourselves in.
Here's some information about CBT that you might find helpful:
chadd.org/for-adults/cognit...
chadd.org/wp-content/upload...
Also, here's some strategies for dealing with negativity bias and the other mental enemies of ADHD: chadd.org/attention-article...
If you have further questions or need additional resources please let us know. Our Helpline is available M-F 1-5pm EST. 1-866-200-8098.
Sincerely,
Jami
Admin
CHADD's National Resource Center on ADHD
Thank you for posting these links JamiHIS
I appreciate it, but the negativity is just a symptom - I need to deal with the problem somehow, the fact that my brain is broken and doesn't work
***If you feel like you are in crisis or feel you may self-harm, please reach out to the either:
988: 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline
Providing 24/7, free and confidential support to people in suicidal crisis or emotional distress works. The Lifeline helps thousands of people overcome crisis situations every day. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org
or
The Crisis Text Line:
Free, 24/7 support for people in crisis. Text HOME to 741741 from anywhere in the USA, anytime, about any type of crisis. A live, trained Crisis Counselor receives the text and responds quickly. The volunteer Crisis Counselor will help you move from a hot moment to a cool moment.
If you are in the UK, you can either call 999 or contact the Samaritans at 116-123 for immediate mental health and self-harm support.
It's pretty easy actually. Get the doc to refer you to a psychiatrist. They will evaluate you. If you have it they will know. But, the medications affect different people in different ways. Adderall was great at first. Had me very calm and focused. Then it had me feeling depressed and not able to focus anymore. Not sure why... I guess once you have it in your system for a while it changes the wiring in the brain a bit. I've tried many scrips and just rather tough it out or legalize weed!!!! I lived in a state where it was legal and I was on my game, I could do so much more, remember more and felt great!!!!Helped me to move forward!!! I could even actually sleep!!!!
"If you have it they will know." In a perfect world maybe .. There are people in the field, as in any, that don't really know what they're doing. I know, I've met them
I'm sorry to hear that. I listened to a podcast today that says if you want to know specificly what you have it cost thousands of dollars. I already knew that by my own research. This guy says if you want to get treatment go for add which is now just called adhd..... and that will at least get you in to start getting treatment. What I've found is there is money to be made. They have all the answers but it will cost you. That's what I've learned and if you want to find answers read up on old theory's and test study that were done in the past. How they're just recycling meds from years ago. From what I can tell we are our own advocates. We have to learn ways to get by or pay someone else to tell us how.
It's so f***ing relentless, this disorder. It tortures me on a regular basis. It's torturing me at this moment actually, I just lost something I really need (I said "Oh, I'm going to need this in a minute" and picked it up and walked somewhere with it and put it down somewhere else like I always do) and I had to go, so now I just have to go without, like I always do. I'm telling you, it's f***ing relentless torture. It makes me hate myself, hate my life, etc etc. I'm going to call some of those numbers and try to do something, because I can't live like this
I really hope you do call. You really never know what will happen if you don't try. Please keep us posted.
I agree. Hell is real and it's right here in life. No need to wait for death and judgement. I have so much compassion for you because I know what you are going through. The only thing that has given my hope is Vyvanse. It seems to have turned on a part of my brain that I didn't know was missing. But I have to study, study study and never drop the ball on checking my emotions. I meditate, exercise, eat well most of the time and it helps but it's still like walking a tightrope over Niagra Falls. If I were to go out with imaginary friends I would trip and fall. Every. single. time. I've had years to focus just on getting control, serious focus on just that... and I feel as if it's impossible. I have good days here and there, but only when I'm alone.
Adderall not working like it use to
Brain Fog
"Unspecified Attention Disorder"-- is this "real" ADHD?
Why is Adderall working inconsistently? Sometimes works great, sometimes does nothing, sometimes makes symptoms worse
