I'm exhausted

[RedChickenLady]

Hello!! I'm ADHD and in desperate need for advice. I live in a very remote place - there aren't many job opportunities here at all. After months and months, I finally found a job which wouldn't be a complete mismatch for me. It's just running a small petrol station, with a shop. I really enjoy speaking to people, if I'm by myself too long I go mad. Right now, I'm getting trained so under supervision but in May I will probably start working on my own. I'm super scared. I feel like I have the memory of a goldfish when it comes to remembering how to work everything, I'm constantly asking questions about how to do things that I've already been taught. I really enjoy being someone's shadow but by myself, what happens if I don't know what to do? I also feel really socially awkward sometimes, even though I want to be able to put myself out there. The biggest thing however though, is right now I am doing a very mere 16 hours a week. Everyone around me thinks I must have the easiest time, what an easy job and such little hours! But I'm actually finding it really hard. My boyfriend and I have just moved out, so there is a lot of pressure of having to keep this job, I don't have a choice, but also a lot of pressure to work longer shifts as when I am working them on my own, it's unlikely that I can just work 4 hours. I've already had 2 days off, and I'm only 2 weeks in. I'm really overwhelmed, and extremely embarrassed about it. I have really bad executive dysfunction issues, and 0 motivation to even do simple tasks like feed myself. Every time I try to talk to someone about it, whether about the lack of money etc etc, they just say "well once you get used to it, you'll be fine, and eventually you'll be able to do 35 hours a week no problem!". I struggle to even comprehend the 16. I'm really struggling, I'm so stressed trying to juggle this job and also managing a house for the first time. The bills are getting paid. But I'm left with £27 left at the end of the month. I feel so stuck and unsupported. I'm so sorry for the ramble, no one else is really listening, everyone I know and love is neurotypical, so they just don't get it. I've got what feels like 0 downtime, or time to just be me, which then burns me out further but no, "that's just life, get used to it"! Maybe I'm just weak and have no willpower, and blind to it. I just don't understand how I'm ever going to live like this, or live happily. I feel like I'm not ready to work. Truth is, if it wasn't for having to leave an abusive household, and being pressured and guilt tripped constantly, I wouldn't be working. I'm so stuck and I'm just getting more and more depressed

[Colls47]

hey , I haven’t got time to reply in full at the moment but I feel you on this . I’m older than you 49 , but have been out of full time work / work for a few years due to things , and I too wonder how the hell I am going to have the energy to do a few hours a week . Life is so full on of late , and that’s not a get out or anything , but the pressures are untold , and that’s for neuro typical people , so for us that think different and so different , we’ll, it’s a whole new kettle of burn out issue. All I will say is you are not Weak !! For sure !! You have moved out, massive change , and a lot more responsibilities now , which truth be told , so add up to burn out as more thinking and planning is needed , and that thinking for me , never ever stops . I hope some others jump on and offer thoughts !!!!

[aew83]

Hello! I relate to you so much and feel the same way. It is such an overwhelming and debilitating way to live. Just know that you are not alone. The only thing that gives me any hope is the possibility of finding something, anything, or anyone to help me figure out a way to get my symptoms under control. I am 41 and there is no way I can live the next part of my life like the first. I just can’t but perimenopause has only made things worse. I have given up on finding a psychiatrist that understands me and feel completely traumatized by those experiences alone. Making a regular doctors appointment to re-establish care takes to much out of me and the last time I actually kept a follow-up appointment for refills on my medication was in 2020. Something has to give. I don’t understand the lack of adequate medical care for adult women with ADHD but I do know there are so many of us who have fallen through the cracks. It helps to connect to others that understand but maintaining ongoing connections / seeking support is a difficult process to incorporate into my already exhausting and difficult life. I live for the bed and it’s the only thing I look forward to anymore. And, I have managed to ramble and rant way too much and I apologize but again, you are not alone. There is a tribe of us that absolutely understands and supports you as we try to figure this “life” thing out… again. Hugs!

[AlaskaSourdough]

I am so sorry! I feel some of what you are going through. Not sure I have any advice because I haven't figured it out myself yet. I have been mostly unemployed for two years now, living very rural with few job opportunities and had to move out of where I rented which was an open shed on a ranch because the ranch sold. My boyfriend dumped me and my dad just passed away. I can't eat or sleep much at all, feel like I can't function. Am now living in my pickup. I have a little hope of sorting out life with career choices because of Tracy Otsuka's program which I am wading through right now. Look up some of her programs, they may help. They have helped me feel heard and understood. And I am thrilled with the hope of discovering what I am good at so I can stop struggling, just to even breathe. I am not on Facebook but have heard that her ADHD for Women group is really good. Best wishes! My grandma had a goldfish once, it knew her from the rest of us and would do a special dance for her when she walked by the fish bowl. Hang in there, goldfish are really smart and good at what they do Also, I recently read a book called Do what you love and the money will follow. Try thinking about what you are good at and what you love to do and then look for ways to capitalize on it.

[Quincie]

Pls stop overthinking. It's making you anxious. Make sure you know all the procedures - write them down. Opening the store. Closing the store. What to do when the gas truck comes to refill. Handling deliveries of stock. Changing paper roll in cash register. Etc. Anything you can think of - write down the steps. Write down tasks you're supposed to do during quiet times - so you will remember to do them. Just focus on each shift you do & take it one day at a time. Make the effort to be on time or a little early and be reliable. You've got this. 💪