Is this ADHD or am I just being flaky?

[Late-Cat48]

Hello,

Is anyone else who was late diagnosed realizing that maybe the semi-frequent moves or job changes were more than just 'things happen.'? I have been really struggling lately because (whether through burnout, ADHD or whatever) I really really really want to live almost anywhere else and am so sick of my job. To be fair I have never liked the state I live in and only moved back for family so it's not like I ever loved the place I live. But I'm getting older and worrying about how tough it is to get a new job anymore. Of course, I have no money too so I'm not sure how it would work to move again right now. Anyone have some insight on how I might know if this is something I should keep fighting as I work through whatever or if it is probably something I would be better to give in to as it might scratch whatever ADHD itch needs scratching?

[STEM_Dad]

That seems to be more common than not with ADHD. It's definitely been my experience in life.

Brendan Mahan, the host of the ADHD Essentials podcast, says it's like "living life on Hard Mode."

~

I'm currently hunting for a better job. I'm at a point in life and in my career that I really want to move up. Plus, I really need to increase my income.

(Lack of a degree has limited my career options. One of my reasons for needing to increase my income is so I can go back to school and finish a bachelor's degree. Plus, I've got debts to pay.)

[Jozlynn]

Hi Late-Cat48!

I was diagnosed when I was 50 - and looking back, that has definitely been my experience as well. My (undiagnosed, but almost certainly ADHD) dad moved us every 2 years as I was growing up. As an adult, I understand the impulse to do so.

I've lived in Texas for 24 years now and I honestly can't stand it. The summers are miserable, the traffic is absolutely ridiculous, and it's getting more crowded every day. The only reason I've stayed here is because when I divorced, I didn't want to move my kids away from their dad who refused to consider living anywhere else. Now, my kids (adults) all live here and I don't want to be far from them or I would move in a heartbeat.

What I have found is that the intense feelings of wanting to get the heck out of Dodge come in stages. It comes and goes, and if I can just make it through when I'm feeling antsy to move, it eventually mellows out. When I get that feeling - and it can be pretty intense - I'll sit down and write out everything about living where I am (or job) that I enjoy, appreciate, and am grateful for. I try to reframe it as 'living here allows me to be a part of my children's lives whenever they need me' - things like that. It just helps my mindset a bit and tends to take the edge off the need to bolt.

It's also good to be realistic with yourself. As in, will being in a different location really satisfy that restlessness inside, or is it just a need for something new in our lives. If we're just needing something new and interesting in our lives and are aware of that, we can look for it without completely uprooting. I think it helps that I don't feel like I can honestly consider moving, because I want to be near my kids and grandkids, unless I can bring them all with me - but that doesn't stop that restlessness that hits.

I've taken the same approach when I'm crawling out of my skin at whatever job I'm at. For example, I started my own business 3 years ago but have to continue my corporate job until the business is bringing in enough to replace my salary. When I feel like I can't sit at my desk another minute or I might explode, I'll walk away for a few and start writing things like, "I am thankful that this job allows me to work on and grow my own business", etc. It just really seems to help my brain move past that impulsive need to get up, quit, and walk out.

I don't know if that would be helpful for you or not, but thought I'd throw it out there.

Wishing you all the best!

[Late-Cat48 in reply to Jozlynn]

Hello, Thanks for the ideas. There are definitely reasons beyond restlessness but the restlessness makes it harder to maybe think through how to be smart about it.

[OldIndigoBlue]

Hi. I'm 75 years old this month. I was raised as an Air Force brat so we moved at the least every 4 years of my life. I went to 3 different high schools. I think the military was the perfect career for my father and my mother loved the constant changes as well. I loved the novelty of a new place to live. Have self-diagnosed with ADHD and ASD about 15 months ago. And it really shines a light on why I have been called "flakey" at times in my life which always angered me. I would say I am not running FROM something, I am running TO something but still it was non-stop moving, changing jobs, changing partners all my life. The restlessness is REAL and it does hit hard at times. Even now, I'm living in low income senior housing and am on the wait lists for 2 other facilities, partly a rational move because they have build a new building on this property and the new apartments will look into my windows (PTSD) which is unacceptable, but the crux of the matter is that life-long restlessness to start fresh someplace new. At least I'm staying in the same town!!! I have lived in 6 different towns/cities in this state since I moved here in 1974, and I can't even begin to count the number of apartments/house, and in addition I also lived in two other states and Canada for periods of time since 1974. I too am trying to stay put for the sake of my grown kids and grandkids who live close by (two other kids live in different states). I'm too old to move out of state again. I think Jozlynn's post was spot on. I do have to force myself to either distract myself when the restlessness gets too intense, or as she suggested, do a gratitude list and focus on WHY I want to stay here, or why I NEED to stay here. The urge does pass like any addiction but for me, I don't expect it to permanently go away. Managing the restlessness is I think all we can hope for. I feel you. It's not being "flakey" - it's part of the ADHD for sure.

[Tormented555]

The writer Thomas Moore once said on this subject of moving around, etc - "You can't get where you are going til you can be where you're at".. this would seem to suggest that maybe the thing to do is to really be present where you're at, to try to sort through whether things are just reactions to normal ups and downs or if you are really being called elsewhere. Twelve step groups talk of the "geographical cure, " where you move to get away from problems and then just take their problems with them. But it isn't always like that, sometimes things really are a good move.