Hello, ADHD friends!

[publicradiophile]

Hi all! First timer on HealthUnlocked. I feel like I'm writing a MySpace post.

I'm Tory. A little about me, I got diagnosed with ADD when I was 8 years old. I was in 2nd grade. I remember my teacher being frustrated in regard to how I really had trouble listening. I also kept on getting out of my seat often.

I also had a really difficult time befriending people and maintaining those friendships. I couldn't understand normal socialization for children of my age. I could not, for the life of me, understand social cues. Because of this, and because of how I acted growing up, I currently do not have a lot of close friends. I met my first genuine friends in university. I have very strong suspicions that I could be on the autism spectrum, but very lightly on that spectrum. I don't think it's necessary for me to get that testing at my age. I don't think it'll help me. It's just another thing to be cognisant about.

I had to get re-diagnosed again at 25 because I wanted to establish care with an ADHD clinic. I was newly diagnosed with the "H" in ADD - so ADHD. I was also newly diagnosed with "mixed anxiety and depression disorder". I know I have anxiety, and a high form of it. I also have a lot of symptoms of depression, but have not officially been clinically diagnosed with such.

Adulting as a young adult with ADHD has been such a challenge. In every way. Medication does help, but my brain cannot keep up for the life of me. I'm having trouble in a lot of aspects of my life. I've spent about three years in a call center which has put tremendous stress on me. The last year and a half got significantly worse with me getting a job in a medical call center. Nothing I did was good enough for my management in that role. I would get into "performance management" or get writtens because I wasn't up to par with the position (even though I've been hitting 93% last month on my quality assurances). Point is, that job opened up my eyes to what discrimination of someone with a neurodivergent disability could be like. The job made me learn to advocate for myself, even if the requests I ask for make management roll their eyes (which actually did happen, btw).

Today, right now, I'm happy to say that I got a fresh new job offer for my dad's client and I'll be starting work in late April. I'm happy to say that and leave the work trauma of my medical call center experience behind me.

So, yeah. That's my story in a nutshell. Feel free to ask me any other questions you see fit! So excited to meet you all!

[Mamamichl]

hello, and thank you for sharing. I have similar issues with my work. My current position I have only had since January, and already have 2 verbal reminders. I got a hold of HR and got an ADA accommodation. It has helped me quite a bit so far, but I’ve only had it a week.

It’s never too late to be diagnosed. I was diagnosed at 48. My diagnosed was on the fence of autism, but I definitely have adhd, ptsd, and anxiety.

My partner also has adhd. He worked at call centers and could never keep up with call times and has lost jobs over impulsive things he’s said. It is hard to navigate the social requirements for adulthood with our ND brains. I am having trouble comprehending your new jobs is it where your dad is your client? If not, tell me more, please.

[publicradiophile in reply to Mamamichl]

Hey Mamamichl,

Thanks for reaching out. Your experience aligns literally with mine. I am on my 2nd written myself. That's when I said "I'm done trying to support myself" and applied for disability management - ADA accomodations.

You're right; It is never too late to be diagnosed.

Your partner has so much courage. And yes, I agree, is truly is hard navigating social cues and requirements.

Yeah, so my dad connected me to one of his clients. His clients really seemed to like me, so I got the job! They informed me Friday

[Mamamichl in reply to publicradiophile]

I’m so glad for you! I hope it doesn’t complicate things to have a Boss be your dad’s client if things don’t work out. If they do, that would be amazing!

[PandemicPara]

your story struck a chord for me. Something I hadn’t noticed for myself.

My ADHD makes me feel as though I’ve ‘missed’ something, or misunderstood something all the time. (Probably because I only consume 80%of information the first time it’s shared…and it takes me while to process it)

I think management picks up on that self-doubt and exploits it. I am very good at my job. I don’t make mistakes often. But, because I always have this nagging doubt, I stress over every detail. I am certain this comes across causing management to overlook me for projects and promotions and more importantly, raises. My reviews are outstanding but no one seems to want me working ‘with’ them, just ‘for’ them.

[publicradiophile in reply to PandemicPara]

Hi PandemicPara,

I totally see you. I totally hear you, and I agree. Management (especially in exploitative environments like call center environments.... I'm not sure where you work) do in fact pick up on that and just irritate it more. My mom (who works clinically inpatient at the hospital network I currently work at) has been coaching me through this whole entire thing. My situation has started to get worse during the holidays last year (Christmas time, 2023). That was when the progressive steps started to begin. Point is, she literally had to tell me to change my language to stop telling my management that I was "anxious" because they were going to use that against me. She instructed me instead to say "concerned" or "uncomfortable". There was multiple situations I was "concerned" or "uncomfortable" with.

You also should not be feeling this way, Para. Have you tried talking to HR about accommodations? People, no matter what brain they come into work with, deserve to be promoted if they do a good enough job.

Which you are. Keep being awesome.

[Prussic]

Welcome! Your story sounds really familiar 😁

I’m 47 and just diagnosed last year and diagnosed with bi-polar, depression, and seasonal affective disorder the year before. I’m on lithium and Welbutrin.

Man, I hear you on the social cues/friend thing. That was horribly difficult for me growing up and still is. I try and try but can’t seem to get it. As a kid I moved every year or so due to my dad’s job and got used to the isolation and came to enjoy it. I never “got” my peers and my interests weren’t in line with theirs so I just gave up. I had acquaintances and sports team mates but no deep friendships.

Work! Jobs have been the hardest thing for me. I’ve gotten fired, written up, “coached” then fired, “counseled” then fired, etc etc. My wife is very angry and disappointed by my job performance. She’s amazingly smart, capable, high performing, organized, good with money, good at her work, doesn’t forget stuff, accomplished. It’s hard or impossible for her to understand why I’m not those things. I understand the frustration and anger since we are in a very uncomfortable financial spot due to my pre med bi-polar/ADHD actions. I dont blame her at at all. I did the call center thing for a year. It was seventh level hell. I’m glad you have another opportunity.

It’s great your mom helps you! My mom is the only person, literally, who has seen all my shit and still believes I am a good man. She never rolls her eyes, meanly critiques, tells me I’m doing something wrong ( washing dishes, doing laundry, driving, etc) and if she sees something that is concerning will tell me and then give me space to think about it.

I hope the new job works well for you and it’s great your dad sees you and helps you too. That is awesome!

Therapy has helped me quite a bit to find ways to manage my symptoms and understand why I do or don’t do some things.

Enjoy your new job!