At 34 years old, with five children and a track record of success, I've found myself engaged in a cycle of starting and stopping therapy or coaching over the past eight years. Each time I experience a dip in mood or encounter challenges, I initiate therapy or coaching, experience improvements, and then discontinue only to find myself returning when difficulties resurface.
On the surface, this pattern may appear negative, yet I've pondered whether it's my unique way of managing my ADHD. While some individuals opt for medication (which I don't), others explore alternative strategies. Perhaps regular therapy serves as my necessary anchor—an opportunity to reflect on coping mechanisms, release pent-up emotions, and recalibrate.
So, the question arises: Is it beneficial to remain in ongoing treatment, or should every intervention have an endpoint, allowing me to navigate life independently?
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dopamin
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Hello dopamin,I say, if it works for you that's all that matters. There is no single right way to navigate life just a right way for you.
I would argue you are living independently and seeking support when you need it. We don't have to graduate to an unsupported life. Things change, we change, sometimes we need support sometimes we offer support, everything is a cycle. Sounds like you are doing great.
BLC89
Full disclosure: I am an ADHD Parent Coach. I have been married to ADHD for nearly 30 years and raised two kids who have ADHD.
You're going to be the best judge of what therapy model you need.
Do you do therapy with the same therapist, or have you switched therapists each time?
A third option, if you find yourself starting therapy at least a couple of times per year might be too continue, but space out the sessions after you feel like you're in a good place. So, weekly or biweekly sessions when you're more in need, and monthly "check-ins" when you seem to be doing alright.
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I can't afford therapy on my own right now, so I'm dependent on my benefits from work... which only cover 3 sessions per issue per year. (I need a lot more help than that.)
So, the fact that you have a choice between as-needed and ongoing is huge, in my book.
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Therapy is known to have some of the longest lasting beneficial effects on ADHD. One good round of therapy can pay dividends for several months.
If you find that you need therapy the same time every year, then consider what's significant about that time.
• My mom has seasonal affective disorder (SAD), and always seems to need extra help during the winter months. I'm noticing a similar pattern that I need more help during the winter as well, though I haven't been diagnosed with the same disorder.
• My ex-wife would have sleep and emotional issues at the same time of year every year when we were first married, but that was because she was overworking herself. (She was an administrative secretary at a school, and worked 70-90 hour weeks the last 2 months of every school year, because she wanted to make sure everything went right with grades, prom, and graduation. She got burnt out and had to leave that job...the school had to hire multiple people to replace her.)
Great question! I was in regular semi-monthly therapy for emotional crisis after job loss when I was diagnosed. It explained the job loss and most of the rest of my life!
I have continued with monthly visits with the same therapist since then, about 13 years. It's the right interval for me to keep tabs on myself and how ADHD impacts my life. I tried medication, which was wonderful for my symptoms but not tolerable physically with too many side effects. So for me, continuing therapy keeps me more stable than going back and forth and losing both momentum and continuity. I don't have to catch her up as she's informed enough to help me see where I need to work and give me homework.
Good for you to see your pattern and question it. I think for most ADHDers, some structure is recommended. It's sort of of like taking all of your antibiotics even though you feel better after three days.
There are super high functioning people out there who have ongoing therapists and or coaches to help them function at their high level.
I have seen lots of friends leave treatment too soon (especially for depression). They feel better, but I think they have a long way to go---they just have gotten used to feeling so bad they don't get how much better they can get.
Let me answer your question this way. If I were rich, I would have no problem doing therapy in an ongoing way--maybe a therapist AND a great coach. Actually with my last therapist, we were together for 8 1/2 years, and we only stopped because he retired. During that time, two brothers died, my father died. two romances broke up with great disappointment, I switched focus in my career and on and on. Those deaths and the romantic breakups and my new job position--all of those were stressors capable of submarining my new functioning. That's why I stayed.
I would function better, then hit turbulence and in therapy he and I worked it out. Then I'd get more ambitious (take on more tasks and challenges) and again, at some point, I would get overwhelmed. My therapist and I worked it out again. You see the pattern: the "better" I got, the more I could take on, the more stress I would feel and in therapy we did the work to allow me to stabilize at this new level. In other words, my 8.5 years wasn't just "remedial"--it was also about raising my functioning to do more while still taking care of myself. BTW: some changes take a LONG time. When I started with this guy, I was deep in ADHD and I would arrive at his office sometimes 30 minutes late, 35 minutes late. By the end, I could get to the appointment (and others) on time and even early.
When you change a long-time behavior (change for the better) unfortunately that new behavior is still fragile and can be fragile for a LONG time! You are at risk of falling back to the old behavior because you did the old behavior for so long on automatic--and that old behavior is one we typically revert to under stress. Mr. old behavior has been lifting weights and taking steroids for years. It's huge and reliable and gregarious, has tons of friends in nearby neurons and brain paths. The new behavior is like the formerly unfit person who starts an exercise program. What this means is that a bump or stressor can throw you back to the old functioning before the new behavior has had a chance to consolidate itself.
Oh BTW: I have been in a support group since my 8.5 years ended with the previous therapist and basically I did a lot of therapy in college and in my 20s and then again in my 40s. I wouldn't have graduated from college without therapy.
Translation: go for it dude. Your therapy is about high functioning. If you find the impulse to stop (and really I say forget about stopping), you stop like over two years or so ... By going twice a month ... and then once a month ... and then once every two months and maybe holding things there (or holding at once a month) a long time. Give yourself some resilience cushion. Or ... gradually move to once a month ... and then randomly do once a week for two weeks. Therapy can be intermittent.
As soon as you hit turbulence and you know (yes, it' disappointing to know) that you are overwhelmed, call the therapist, almost immediately. Getting back to the better behavior with the help of a therapist is still getting back to the new behavior--it still is you building a new pattern, improving how you function.
Focus on you--not on some "rule" about stopping therapy. Trust me: people close to you and coworkers who see your functioning rise and dip---would love for you to keep going. And you would likely be a lot happier! But you don't have to talk about it with people--I mean you don't need to share ongoing therapy with skeptics until you feel really solid about it.
I've heard and read that ongoing therapy can be very beneficial. I haven't gotten to try it, because I currently cannot afford therapy. (I've gotten a little, thanks to work benefits... But it's been way too little.)
If you've found a therapist that you have a good connection with, they are worth their weight in gold! It can take a lot of time and meeting a lot of the therapists who aren't a good match to find one that is.
Since you keep having to restart therapy, what I would consider in your shoes is getting to a good point...and then changing the mode of the therapy to "maintenance" mode, meeting once a month to discuss what's working for you and what you can make adjustments to.
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Some people do well without medication. (Experience has taught me that I do not.)
I think it's great that you can do that.
Keep in mind that you will probably have to make changes in what you do to manage your ADHD, but keep note of what has worked in the past, because you might need to dust off those strategies and use them again later on.
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