adhd and aspie struggling

[Spinrek1]

hey from the uk.

My son now 19 (and I, I’m figuring out as we go through this process) is a diagnosed aspie and recently adhd (new diagnosis because he’s still struggling).

Hes been on methylphenidate and is up to 72mg. It’s definitely helping in some ways. He can concentrate better in college (couldn’t face university or a job so is doing a short course) but gets everything done very quickly and is then very bored. But this is an issue he’s always had. Very very academically clever.

But… since the adhd diagnosis he says he’s more flat. I think he’s struggled with depression for a long long time. At 7 he had his first existential crisis. But he had very little help for Asperger’s and basically was given a diagnosis and ‘signed off’.

He really struggles to ‘be himself’ with his family. Not sure again if this an adhd or aspie issue? But the Psychiatrist said that the adhd meds will make that easier. It’s really upsetting him. But no one seems to know how to help that. He saw a nurse for some therapy and she basically told him sometimes you’ve got to just get on with life.

And for years we’ve tried to get help to see if he needed help for depression or was it adhd. After years of different departments we eventually saw psyc in the adult team who diagnosed adhd too.

Psyc said to try the meds for adhd because they will make everything easier that will help with day to day moods.

He says he’s not suicidal he just doesn’t want to be here or do anything. Since the diagnosis he just doesn’t want to do anything except music, on his own though.

I’m not sure if the world being in such a bad place is making things worse, the meds are wrong, he needs help with depression?? Is this burnout?

NHS in wales isn’t great so we get a review for meds in Jan next year!!

I guess I’m not sure what advice I need really? Maybe others experiences ? Maybe those meds with Asperger’s aren’t right? Maybe he needs more help for Asperger’s?

I’m seriously hoping the better weather helps because we’ve had the wettest winter in years and he’s been locked away in his room.

[Colls47]

I’m going to chip in here. I’m 49, so older than. Your son . I was diagnosed ASD and adhd 3 years ago . Been on anti depressants since 18 . Never really knew . Thought everyone else was different .

Since I was diagnosed , I’ve been left too . I was tried on various stimulants , but they made the depression and anxiety worse when they wore off . I stopped them .

The world is a mess . And know what ? Well , for me as an aspie , that doesn’t sit right with the HOW THINGS SHOULD BE aspie mind . Neither did the lack of suport I got . My mind always felt the world was a fairly safe place and If things got bad , someone would always help . Well, that soon was proved wrong , and for me at 49 now , that’s a huge mindset to have to change , if it’s possible .

It’s hard to say where to start for your son . But you have to keep pushing for him , to get answers .

The pysch I saw r.e adhd meds eventually said to me that sometimes the stimulants help the adhd but make the ASD worse , and that could be why they didn’t work for me , but that was the the end of my journey for Treatment , and it was left . Don’t let that be the case for your son .

Somehow you need to work out WHAT is the main issue first . The focus, the lack of drive , anxiety , depression , and look to get that addressed . It ain’t easy , it really isn’t . Ideally there would be 1 person dealing in the whole package , the depression the adhd the ASD , and work out best fit for helping it all . They are all part of your son !!!

I can’t offer much more sadly , as I’m fighting a massive uphill battle , and I too don’t want to be here , even with 4 kids and my wife , it’s too hard and monotonous.

Keep pushing for help and answers . Don’t be fobbed off !! But remember , it’s not an illness or disease , he just sees the world from a different angle to others . !!! 🙏

[El-Eektrified]

Hey Spinrek1,

I just read your message and I might share my own experience.

I was like your son at 19, spending most of my days and times in my room. This was “my” space - didn’t have a diagnosis then, and looking back, I know that I was probably depressed.

At 36 I got diagnosed with ADHD but since I was still struggling I got referred to a psychiatrist. My psychiatrist diagnosed me with ASD and started treatment.

According to him, you’ll have to treat the ADHD first, then you could possibly add an antidepressants (anxiety/depression) and a low dose of an antipsychotic (irritability)

This worked for me, to have found a psychiatrist that took care of the things I struggled with…. Just like Colls47 described, it is helpful to have someone that deals with everything.

ASD is on a spectrum, it comes with lots of comorbidities (like ADHD) we are all different and we have to find a way to accept and live with the fact that it sometimes takes (more) meds to help with the issues we are facing!

Hope this helps!