mental mess is affecting my marriage

[amentalmessinside]

I’m really struggling mentally. Numerous times I’ve left my husband (always after Christmas) because I feel I’m not happy. Weeks later I’m back with him. I’ve always been on sertraline but recently stopped because it’s blocking my emotions. I can think clearer now (kinda) but still questioning my marriage. I can’t work out if he’s just not the right guy for me or I’m being stupid. I am still attracted to him sexually and miss him when he’s not around but these thoughts in my head say I’m not happy. Anyone else been there? I’m so impulsive. I constantly want to be doing something ie planning holidays, currently looking to move and start a new career as well as trying to save. He’s happy just as he is, very last minute and doesn’t feel the need to move or save. Is it me or am I with the wrong person? Is it my ADHD being a pain? Currently awaiting an appointment to discuss treatment

[Salah_09]

Hi,

It is not easy for me or anyone to answer on a forum, I wish I had the answers but best to be discussed with someone in person or at least someone who has been provided with all the background details and have a better context. All I can do is to offer you some things to think about.

Relationships are complicated and sometimes it is a genuine mismatch of personalities but other times our impulsivity can play a role and make things difficult. I would say focus on the qualities you like about him (not just physical aspects) and what makes you want to be with him. If he has not done anything wrong to you or doesn't mistreat you constantly, contemplate on what is triggering you to leave him?

And on the side, definitely seek treatment because ADHD can make life hell in a marriage as one is always in search of dopamine and never in a relaxed state.

I would say don't rush anything, focus on improving your mental health first and give yourself the time and space to seek professional treatment.

[Colls47]

hey , I have no answers , but I get this . Totally . I want to plan move think of future , do stuff , my wife , she is happy going work coming home chilling . It makes me so so anxious and depressed and feel mentally screwed . I e been told I’m in burnout from a few years of very very hard stuff . So I’m wondering if that’s making it worse for me , can’t think straight or make a decision. I’m on Effexor , but think it’s juts making me more ramped up mentally . No dr will really help me come off , but tbh , don’t know if I’d cope coming off as so low as it is .

As others said , relationships are hard at best of times , but throw an adhd/asd person into it, and well. It is not going to be easy .

I have done everything with my wife since we met , raised her two kids then Two of our own ,, but once they have kinda grown, I’m like what’s next ? She’s like yeah this is fine let’s chill now , and plans nothing .

Can you let me know what you find out ? Message me if need be or want to !!

Thought about doing your own dopamine seeking activities alone ? It was suggested to me , but due it me doing everything with wife , it would just feel weird .

[Quincie]

It's really hard to comment on relationships but it sounds like impulsivity plays a large part in this. Why do you leave him at Christmas? Try to find a good therapist to discuss this. Are you compatible intellectually & are you good friends? What do you do together? Do you plan date nights to just spend time together & talk about stuff that's deeper than the daily "to do's". Is he someone you want to grow old with & can you rely on him? Can he rely on you? All this needs to be discussed with a marriage counsellor & ideally both of you should go. Your husband probably has trust issues with you also as you keep leaving & returning. All this should be worked through with a professional counsellor. Best wishes.