try to keep it brief as I garble . 49. Diagnosed ASD and adhd 3 years ago . During that time mum died , dad few years prior . Massive fall out with my two older brothers who we don’t speak now, so no family left . Have 4 kids and wife . Youngest son diagnosed ASD at 11. Passed about mucked about by mental health team . Drs not interested . Been left on anti depressants while life , currently left on 150mg Effexor which has my head on full whack with things to do . But feel numb . No love no care just constant worry , fear, alone , scares of getting older after I saw my parents suffer on end of life care in hospital . I feel I’m on hyper alert , constant analysis of my thoughts myself others , how inwas , how I think , how I talk . Panic . Just feel burned , but can’t stop . Not in work for a few years , yet worked since 15. Don’t want to be alone . My thoughts are so so doomy . Private company diagnosed me and tried me on stimulants , but these totally blew anxiety through the roof . And that was that . No further support . I’m just waiting for this to go , but it’s been 2.5 years . I kinda feel I need TELLING what to do ! ? So strange . The Mornings are the worst . Feel dead on my feet and wake we total anxiety and panic of the world and day. I am managing to volunteer most mornings at oxfam , but I’d rather just sit and wallow . I am looking to try pay for private therapy with a neurodivergent person , but it’s 100 a session, and cash is tight .
Mental health team have me rubbish therapy , no experience in neurodivergent people , and told me to go live . Even though I said I was suicidal .
Feel lost , scared ,and hopeless . And as I watched my dad develop vascular dementia and die , you can guess what I think I have or getting .
sorry , that wasn’t short . It’s like I can’t except I have ASD and adhd yet .
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Colls47
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I read over your profile and some of your earlier posts. You've been through a lot.
You had mentioned before that your mental health issues started with a bad car accident.
• Did you experience any head injury in that accident, or was it just the shock of it that caused depression or whatever you were suffering from starting then?
Since you seem to have had depression much of the time since then, have you done talk therapy in addition to medication to treat the depression?
• Newer therapies such as CBT, ACT, or EMDR might be more helpful than the types of talk therapy that were more common in the 90s.
• For people who have treatment resistant depression, sometimes being treated with a medication called ketamine can make a difference. I don't know if it's available in the UK. It's very expensive, and I guess it's difficult to get approved for. (Ketamine is not an antidepressant, it is actually a dissociative anesthetic, and can have a hallucinogenic effect.) I think it's used as a tool of last resort, because while some people have a good reaction to it, others can have a bad one.
You had also mentioned your past drug use, before you quit them, and the drugs you mentioned stimulate dopamine, which is what ADHD stimulants do. There have been a lot of people with ADHD who felt more focused on those drugs, when neurotypical people would feel "high", and that's because of how dopamine treats the deficiency in the ADHD brain. (The problem with the street drugs is that they are way too potent to be used effectively as a treatment.)
• You shouldn't be ashamed that taking stimulants helps you. There is plenty of solid research to support this fact... stimulant medications DO help.
Hey. Thanks for reply . The accident . Well, let’s just say it broke every bone in my head , eye sockets nose , jaw , skull in half and more . But can’t remember it . But they did many scans and showed no damage to brain or bleeds etc, but it was very bad touch and go . I can’t remember or have no recollection of the accident . The depression came after due to my then girlfriend leaving me , loss of car , sight in left eye , being stuck at home with no means to get out and about ( no thrill or excitement stuck in my the. Parents house In the country when is been used to driving around with my mates etc ) , and the whole thing was too much for me to get my head round . That was when the dr put me on anti depressants . Since had periods of fine , and good. But it seems that when things get too much . Too emotional , unstable , un predictable , the fear and worry sets in and my mind goes awol. Very very doom . I seem to be fine if I’m living and leading the way . Helping others etc, but as soon as I fall down , and feel needy , I hate myself and feel failed .
The Stimulants prescribed did help but I’m a fast metabolism, and came and went in a few hours no matter what , ir or s/r, and left with awful anxiety . Like being on a rollercoaster . Fine for 2 hours back in pit of bell the next then back up then back down . It was not pleasent at all . To see how I could be , then thrown back into darkness evey day.
Anyway .i just hope that there is a way forwards . And soon . And to know others may be in same boat is somewhat comforting ????
It's a good thing that they did brain scans at the time. Brain trauma has to be treated differently.
I've been in a few car accidents in my life, but only one bad one...my family's car was struck in the side by a speeding car when I was 9. My leg was badly broken. I don't remember most of it because I was in shock. (I remember the EMT getting out of the way for my dad to calm me down...then the ambulance ride.) No head trauma for me.
I've prone to anxiety since I was young (but the first time I saw a doctor and therapist about it was a few years ago). I was labeled "sensitive" as a child.
I also know that my ADHD symptoms were first noticed when I was about 6 years old.
.....
Do your own ADHD symptoms go back to your childhood? I think undoubtedly so, because of how well you've said that stimulants affect you.
sorry about your accident !! Non matter what age , they not great !!
Going back to my school years , my school reports had me as a class clown , how well I would do if I only focussed on my work , I was given a real hard time by teachers , as I always stood up for what was right ( I.e if they were off to me , I’d kick back with how wrong it was ) and that got me in a lot of troubles , for standing my ground . One school report listed me as AN ENIGMA, overly chatter , and being immature and puerile. Wow, how kind school was to us then . I was bullied a lot , never really felt like I fitted in . But that didn’t bother me I don’t think ? I knew everyone , and everyone knew me . So I think , yes , it went back to then (11 +)
It’s hard to pick out the ASD from the adhd . My youngest son showed me traits I recognised , in the non stop talking , and also his social difficulties , that made me think oh no, maybe it wasn’t everyone else , it was me …… and then followed my own diagnosis .
It was after the RTA at 18 that I went into depression , and then some mates got me into the then rave scene , and it became my way of life for some years , the people , the noise , the events ,the buzz , the lights and sounds and atmosphere of everyone being together and being themselves and happy . I left it all when I moved away from certain people and started office work and no one did that sort of thing , so I felt I was an Mis for and needed to change my game . Drinking after work was the way , and that was stimulating and focussed me.
I also had periods in hospital with Crohn’s disease having half my bowel cut out , and I got hooked on codeine, as it unbelievably settled my mind and focussed me , and made me live in hear and now without over thinking a everything . That’s all behind me . I only ever have a couple of pints with my wife on a weekend , and that’s even coke to a halt as my depression is so bad that I can’t handle the racing doom anxiety the next day . So , having a fag is my only vice . .
1 pint = controlled calm realistic here and now thinking , codeine did the same , amphetamine did the same .but not touched that for some 13?years now .
It’s my emotions all along that have been too big I think . And it just feels right now , that I’m living a very beige life , alot of grief , spending too long trying to get out of this funk , and it’s become my life , my mental health . My eldest son out of uni is low and trying to find his way but can’t get his career going , lives at home , and I feel I can’t help him , my eldest daughter a trainee midwife is low , and I try to help her , my wife doesn’t show much emotions , so I never know if she is ok , and worry all the time that she ain’t , but says she is . I like to help people , to please people , but right now , I can’t .
man, it’s all crazy , and my head is a mish mash .
Anyway , sorry , that’s a depressing read .
Oh, I’ve also been speaking on the phone to several different therapists . Ideally searching for ones that deal with neuro diversity ASD / adhd etc . One today , doesn’t believe adhd is a real thing , but created by childhood trauma . How the hell can you get help , when you ain’t sure , and the a eood be therapist tells you that ???
Thank you for contacting CHADD National Resource Center on ADHD. I am not sure how the system works in the UK. There's an organization called ADHD Europe adhdeurope.eu/ you can contact them to see if there is a support group you can join and hear others life experiences with ADHD. At CHADD we have a lot of resources and podcast you can listen. Here are some articles, that would be to your interest. chadd.org/adhd-news/adhd-ne...chadd.org/attention-article... and podcasts.chadd.org/e/managi...
Hopefully these resources are helpful.
If you have further questions, please let us know. We are here to help!
LIseth
Health Information Specialist
CHADD’s National Resource Center on ADHD chadd.org
Hey thanks for this . There is so very little support for adhd and ASD here in Uk . And so many people / Drs etc don’t believe in it or even believe adults can be diagnosed , instead blaming it on trauma , and some of the private companies seem to just want to push drugs on you and once they don’t work , they just drop you .
I’m so sorry you’re feeling this daily. I’ve had some dark times but they didn’t usually last that long (maybe a year tops). It sounds like you don’t have insurance. Maybe ask for a list of providers that you can access and Google search each of them, since all mental health providers need to have a synopsis of their philosophy and specialties. find one that specializes in asd. It took me 4 hours but I was able to find one for all of my conditions that I work well with. When I was taken off my insurance, I asked her if there was a way to keep seeing her, and she has a sliding scale, so I only have to pay $20.
🙏🙏 I have got an appointment booked in for two weeks time , she specialises in ASD and neuro diversity , so fingers crossed . I think I’m struggling aswell with a massive lack of excitement change buzz etc . I’m no longer caring for parents since their death , kids a bit older , and I’m low confused anxious and very bored and fearful that this is my future if you get me . Questioning every thing I’ve done , having kids , getting married , all that . It’s mad . Hate it . Feel broken .
Almost sounds like this could be a midlife crisis. Basically you need to find things that you enjoy. Find a new hobby. You seem to be needing to find yourself again, since you had so much on your plate and have free time now. My hobbies are video games and cross stitching. I haven’t had a lot of time to do them (I’m still in the thrall of it all).
You could be right here , and it’s so hard to unpick if grief adhd ASD burnout mid life Crisis is causing this lost feeling . My hobbies used to be going out partying taking drugs having a great time smiling with mates and working , and caring for mum . Now that’s all gone , and kids getting older , I’m kinda feel spent and lost , and adrift and afraid and scared .
You can still party as you get older. You just have to adjust the focus on it. I do bbq’s and gaming with groups of friends. Some people also go out to restaurants instead of bars and have only a couple drinks. You still get the camaraderie and socialization without the stupid behavior of ours from when we were in our 20’s
Just want to say hello and that I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling. I can empathize as an AuDHD person. It can be living hell and I empathize with all your words, thoughts and feelings. I too can feel extremely isolated and lonely (despite being around people), and withdraw because I can deal with very little. I have to fight the self-loathing.
I deal with burnout routinely from masking and get overwhelmed very easily, so it makes me feel like a failure. My family expected so much job prestige etc., yet I feel I just simply fight to exist and get through the day. I expected more for myself tbh. I can't imagine having children because of the sensory triggers and anxiety, so I miss out in a lot of life experiences due to my conditions too. I lost my mom a couple of years ago unexpectedly and since I have felt lost. The worst of recent my burnout is over, thankfully. I have a lot of hobbies that keep me entertained, so try find anything that can give you a little glimmer of pleasure/peace to add to your day. Even when I don't feel like working out, I force myself too and that way I am proud. It really is the little things, at the risk of sounding corny.
Hey sorry I didn’t reply . So sorry to hear of this with you . It truly is a shattering brain experience . Although my kids and wife all went through the diagnosis with me , I feel like they still don’t get it with me . And I guess it’s hard for anyone else to get it . I have some days where things don’t go to bad , but I’m not moving forwards in life now . It’s like my life has suddenly come to a point where my fear depression and anxiety is stopping me move forwards . I don’t know how to move forwards . Getting over burnout if that’s what I’m in is hard , as I want to keep pushing , or I feel that’s it and feel I have to except the way things are , and I don’t want that, I totally understand the existing and making it through each day . It feels so pointless and so so hard . I do walk every morning , but not for fun, because I feel it’s the right thing to do. I was going to the gym 2 times a week , but my body started to feel battered , so I stopped . I hope you find nice good times , happy times ? You we and I all deserve it .
The constant thinking (rumination as my therapist puts it) is the worst. It leads me into really bad spirals sometimes that end with me NEEDING to let it out, and if it involves another person the need is to let it out to them. I'm trying to figure that out too, but at least I can tell you you aren't alone. Same feelings on the Effexor too. Same dosage, and my last psychiatrist wanted to try ECT (shock my brain) as a last result. Refused it but now I'm also feeling trapped about where to go from here. I really hope you keep fighting, you matter in the world. Your ruminations may feel helpful sometimes but they are the enemy. I hope you find a way to calm your brain and get mental clarity.
🙏🙏. I think the Effexor is causing some issues brain fog panic and non stop drive in my brain, but how do you get off this when you already bottom of the world . When you are trying to be strong infront of the family ….. my dr juts says keep on them then . I think the death of my mum and dad has had a massive impact causing many thoughts of when things were easier . Of when I had the OTHER adult to go to , to vent to , that would pick me up and say COMEON. All is fine .
Do feel alone . I keep pushing on , but it feels like a routine now . Not doing things that I want to do ( not that I know what that is anymore ) but because I have to . And that’s tiring . Thank you for your reply . And I hope you too find calm in the storm ….
Thank you so much . The work thing , I’ve worked since 15. Always wanted to work , to be around people , to talk , to chat , and maybe I masked my way through many jobs , corporate jobs , but then when a family and step kids was added , it’s as if I couldn’t cope with both . I did , but was very hard .i think aswell I have this idea that 50 ( June this year) is it for me . Body will fail , life will get harder , and my brain tells me that I’m not coping now , wait till I’m older , that I’m stuffed and gets years Behind me . I’m tired of being strong , of being the family’s go to , the fixer , the sorter , but. No one there to do that for me now .
Totally get you. I feel the exact same way. Where do you live? I am currently living in res as rent it too expensive in Victoria but can we all meet in person and support each other.?
Totally understand what you are feeling. I have been burnt out the past 2 years and 48 years of working and 3 degrees and getting pushed out of 15 companies. three words. Eat as healthy as you can, sleep and walk in nature. That' s all I did for the past 6 months.
Also, get a brain tap. It will get you out of the fear. Also, you are an empath so ask" is this my emotion?" if you get a no from your intuition , say please return it to sender
I also ask the emotion, what's it trying to tell me and remember it's e motion. Motion will release it.
One question, how are you paying for bills? The provincial government just pushed me out with nothing.. I have a human rights complaint but owe my lawyer 6000.00 and it's been sitting for a year.
I would love to just put me on long term disability but they just sent by stuff home in a cab after coaching 600 leaders during covid etc etc. at st Paul's hospital.
I have one month left on EI and have no home, my name is smeared and I am highly trained in organization development, facilitation and coaching ( 3 degrees) but can't organize my brain to put it on a website and figure out the back end.
Hey just read this . So sorry for this . Sounds like society and doing what you thought was Tighe has just worn you down too .
I’m in Uk . I currently get pip ( disability ) and housing benefit and tax credits for the kids . I hate getting benefits I really do , and my fear is one day these will stop . What are you doing about housing ?
I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. That sounds like an absurdly difficult challenge to live with, but you have to hand it to yourself it’s impressive one can function under such that sort of heavy load.
If I knew you personally, I’d offer to take you out for a easy hike and camp for a couple days because it sounds like some alone time with no other concerns but yourself would help put those thoughts into a more healthy perspective, just being thoughts and not who you are. Touch some grass as the kids would say!
What do you think are the key areas you’d see the possibility of making progress for yourself in your situation? Can you be that granular or is it hard?
If you were your own care giver, what would be the first thing you’d change about your situation to help yourself out of the next rut? Maybe that might help you frame the small acts of kindness you can give yourself.
I just started on SNRI this week, just to see what happens; at the very least it’s an exciting experience to see how my performance and perception can change, if it does work then it’s another datapoint, move on and try something else. It’s great these options exist, worth a shot!
I wouldn’t personally be to scared about trying math-amphetamine based drugs, I’ve done my share of them as a young adult and found them rather relaxing (now realizing probably due to undiagnosed ADHD). It definitely calmed and focused me, but that’s just me…
Thankyou for this . Yup it’s all a bit of a mess !!! But I’m still up and doing . The amphetamine drugs they did try me on , slow and long released , and they just made me super anxious and fractious and panicky as soon as wore off , and after a few days , the up and down throughout the days was way too much . I’m ok I’m not I’m o. I’m not etc , painfully cruel to me .
To make matters worse , our landlady who lives 120miles away has just advised she needs to get her house valued , as she may need to sell . And I know for a fact we can’t afford as a family another house to fit us all in on rent . This one was reduced as the crafty landlady said she would as long as we didn’t contact her with issues ( and there has been plenty ) and rent for property’s we need are double . So now even more uncertainty . I’m going with the flow . Things are what they are . Just scared as already feel failed as a dad , and now this , and it’s normally me that sorts crap out , which has probably got me to the burnout I’m now in , and I’m struggling to see a way forward with this one . Me/ wife / 12 year old 13 year old and then our two eldest who are either in uni living at home or just finished uni . Both pay towards rent , and are both just not ready to be turned out . What is a person supposed to do in this climate . It doesn’t sit right with me .
You can be honest with them and ask what they all think. This isn’t just your struggle to burden.
This concerned are all coming from a Place of worry and any supportive family member would want you to not be feeling alone here. Tell them you feel at the end of your line and feeling so overwhelmed your needing help with managing this burden.
Even if it’s just getting some reassurance that they are ready for something you are worried about… I wish my father was more matter of fact about goings on, maybe I would have learned a few lessons about how hard life can be. It’s sounds like you have two you can speak to already, maybe the four of you can start there with just mapping out all the concerned and seeing what is valid and what really is not, at worst, nothing happens, and best you might be surprised.
Sorry I don’t have more ideas for you . Talking helps and sharing burden is your right as a member of a family.
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