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[ADHD_Novelist]

Would love to hear tips on how people with later-in-life ADHD diagnosis unlearn bad habits and create new habits, especially when it comes to prioritizing important things.

[Mamamichl]

write the goal in writing, then write out small steps to get there. Modernsam app can help with this. Make a daily goal for something you will work on and, and if you want to do a whole process, have it written and on the wall where you can see it. You can also have alarms to remind you throughout the day.

[KK999]

pre diagnosis, I used to think I was great at multitasking. Now, working onli9ne and multi-tasking plays to my adhd related weaknesses. So, for me, if I need to focus, I 1. short meditation ( Tara Brach excellent), then prioritise 1 task - one thing to focus on and idealy complete or have in hand by the end of the day - or whichever period of time is appropriate/possible. That help?

[ADHD_Novelist in reply to KK999]

Yes! Thank you!

[Sticas]

purchase a white board and note things you’ll relearn such as slowing down and taking deep breaths . Set calendar reminders with alerts on your cell phone.

[STEM_Dad]

Welcome to the forum ADHD_Novelist !

.....

Well, I was recently reminded about something important to know about ADHD from a YouTube video featuring an expert on adult ADHD (Dr. William Dodson).

ADHD is regarded as being due to an Interest-Based Nervous System.

Neurotypical people have an Importance-Based Nervous System.

So, the basic answer is that our natural cognitive process (attention, thinking, etc.) is different.

~~~~~

I know that there is a lot of information about how to prioritize things, how to decide what is important.

There are some guides written just got ADHDers, like this one: additudemag.com/slideshows/...

But that article and so many others give many different strategies. (I was delighted when I saw that article list "use your intuition" as a decision making strategy. Many of us have been made to believe that we should trust what other people say, over our own intuition...but our intuition can often be more right than their reasoning.)

.....

Sometimes, it's just a matter of making a decision and taking ownership of it. (Right or wrong, it's your decision...own it! But don't be too proud to change your decision when new information comes in.)

~~~~~

It's not easy for me either. It used to be crippling for me to try to make decisions, even seemingly simple ones. *(I'll share a real life example of mine in a follow up post.)

Things that I think are most important might be seen as less important by other people. I used to doubt myself so much (and still do sometimes) when my opinion was different from others'.

• What finally broke me out of thinking that way automatically was working under a couple of people that I realized were making terrible decisions. (Once I figured out that their modus operandi was simply to make themselves seem important and influential, and they weren't really doing what was best in the eyes of the majority, I realized that I had to trust my own judgement... because I couldn't go to the people who were above me in the org chart. I got tired of cleaning up their mess and apologizing to the people we supported. I felt more free when following my own ethics, instead of catering to someone else's ego.)

[STEM_Dad in reply to STEM_Dad]

* Decision making strategy:[Based on a computer science sorting algorithm: Selection Sort]

• Select the first good option as the "default choice" compare all others to.

• The next option which seems better becomes my new "choice"; if I cannot decide between the new option and the choice that I picked before, I stick with the previous choice.

• When I reach the end of the menu, or the server is ready to take my order (whichever happens first), I stop looking at my options.

* Note: I first came up with this about 15 years ago, when I realized that every time my family was getting into the car to go through the McDonald's drive thru, my wife would tell me to start thinking about what I wanted to order. I was so indecisive that I would always be the last to order every time, making my family wait. I eventually realized that I usually (about 80% of the time) ordered the same thing, so I made that my "default order", and then on any given trip, I only had to ask myself if I wanted anything more than that. If I didn't quickly decide on something else, I went with the default.

.....

I later applied this strategy to other restaurants. Most American style cuisine restaurants have a hamburger on the menu, so that was my usual default.

• I even came up with a mental nickname for this mindset as strategy: "The Great American Hamburger Comparison". (I would sometimes judge the quality of a restaurant's cooking based on their basic burger.)

Then, if something immediately looked better than the hamburger, then that other meal became my new choice, then I would look for the next possibility. For specific types of cuisine or certain restaurants soon has their own default for me.

• Mexican food: house burrito

• Chinese food: sweet and sour chicken with fried rice

• Winger's (a restaurant chain that made a name for itself with it's "Sticky Wings"): 4 piece Sticky Fingers dinner with fries.

...

I think you get the picture!

~~~~~

~~~~~

A number of months ago, I learned about an "optimal stopping" theory called the "Secretary Problem" that is supposedly a statistics-backed decision strategy. It reminds me of my strategy, but it's not the same. (You can find explanations of this theory on Wikipedia.)

My own takeaway from that theory is that all human decisions are subjective, no matter how much we try to convince ourselves that we are being objective in our decisions.

[STEM_Dad in reply to STEM_Dad]

"Perfect is the enemy of Good."

A mentor of mine taught me this saying many years ago. He recognized that one reason for my "decision paralysis" is perfectionism.

I still have to remind myself that there is no perfect choice that we can make. Sometimes, arriving at the first "Good" choice is better than spending lots of effort trying to find one that's marginally better. (However, finding one that's great is still better, so it's important to take a risk every now and again...and that's what intuition is good for, to "know when to hold 'em, know when to fold 'em...")

[NeuroSpicySquirrel]

Hello! New here and honored to be here 😊

For me, it’s about accepting who I am and understanding that I WILL have bad days and my bad habits with shine through from time to time and just accepting them as is. I’m someone who is super hard on myself and I overworked my way into a 2 year deep depression/burn out which I finally came out of this year after I took my first summer off as a teacher.

As far as creating new habits, it takes time and lots of discipline—very different from motivation. Exercising was a habit I created for myself during COVID. I was bright eyed and bushy tailed in the beginning, but now…I curse my way to the gym and back sometimes. Not because I hate it, but because I don’t feel like it but I know it will help my mental health at the end of the day. I’m still trying to find habits that will be good for me as someone with ADHD, but moving my body on a consistent basis is DEFINITELY one of them, even if I curse the whole time I’m getting ready for the gym 🤣