I'm new to the group

[JLJS]

I'm 64 and was diagnosed with ADHD a few years ago. I learned that I have time blindness and have been struggling with that since I was a teenager. Currently, my big struggle is with rejection sensitivity and low self-esteem. Any ideas for reducing the anxiety associated with that would be welcome.

[Mamamichl]

medication route has been helping me (stimulants and anxiety meds). As for no medication route, I set lots of timers, use meditation apps and affirmation apps. These apps currently are “I am”, “calm”, and “loóna”. I also know some people use “dubbii” for body doubling to get things started.

[JLJS in reply to Mamamichl]

Thank you so much. I am on meds they do help. I've never heard of the apps you suggested and will definitely check them out. Thank you for your reply, it's much appreciated.

[Mamamichl in reply to JLJS]

My pleasure

[mountainstag]

Hi JLJS,

I'm sorry that you have had to deal with this diagnosis your whole life, and especially find out about it after it has probably wreaked havoc on your life's journey. Your symptoms are all ones that I struggle with. What's amazing is that even though ADHD presents differently in each person, we all share certain characteristics.

I have faith in God, so the only strategy I try to use is to ground myself in something (in my case, God) that transcends people so that I am not constantly dependent on the approval of other people for my self-esteem. Like you and like most people with ADHD, I have received a lot of negative and critical feedback over the course of my life. While a lot of it was constructive, the way it is delivered and the rejection sensitivity make it devastating. So, trying to meditate on the idea that there is a Being of perfect love and beauty that chose me before I was born and determined that I was worth creation is important to me. If I base my self-worth on the opinions on others, I will always feel down because this world is built for a specific brain and that brain is not one that you and I share. We have to find some way to value ourselves that is not dependent on others' opinions. I struggle with people pleasing and lack of boundaries so much, and I need to focus on this the rest of my life.

Welcome and hopefully we can walk the journey together.

Daniel

[JLJS in reply to mountainstag]

Daniel,

I cannot express how meaningful your response is. You hit the nail on the head and it's so good to know I'm not alone in this and there is someone out there who seems to have very similar issues to mine. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

JLJS

[PilgrimA in reply to mountainstag]

Hi Daniel- fellow believer here too.

My faith has also been a real anchor in this journey of discovering the truth about my own crazy path.

I know and trust that God has made me just the way I am and for a purpose. The positives are as real as the struggles and I am learning to accept that when I am am weakest- He truly is my strength.

[DorkiCorki]

Hi there, welcome to the journey! I was diagnosed at 62 (3 years ago) so can relate. Lots of good learning and discovery to be had!

[JLJS in reply to DorkiCorki]

Thank you for your encouraging words. I'm already feeling better about this knowing that someone is out there supporting me and others with ADHD.

[OldIndigoBlue]

I self-diagnosed at age 74 (I'm now 75) partly due to having 3 neurodivergent kids. And yes, a lifetime of negative input from other folks is very destructive. You are not alone, and we are able to support each other on this journey. Welcome to the road....

[PilgrimA]

Welcome to the club!

I share your experience and age. (b.1960 gal!)

My diagnosis and ’awakening’ to this condition was life changing. It explained SO much about the struggles all my life…

The RSD has been a major feature all along for me too. I believe it is one that many of us experienced as children who didn’t fit in, and then have reinforced time and again throughout our lives.

It feels so awful and very painful at times, doesn’t it?

It’s good to recognise that it is a syndrome, it has a name and you can detach yourself from the feelings when it strikes- take a deep breath and remind yourself that it will pass it’s not about your worth, these are just feelings- intense yes, but they DO pass…

You have to learn the new skill of short circuiting the negative spiral and re- framing the rejection feelings away from you personally.

CBT is helpful in this.

Also, practicing forgiveness of yourself - and of course the offending other(s) I have found is really effective.

(Forgiveness starts with a choice - not a feeling!)

[JLJS in reply to PilgrimA]

Pilgrim A,

Thank you so much for your supportive words. I have been thinking about CBT therapy and am looking for a therapist. I have a terrible time forgiving myself,and feeling rejected, etc so I appreciate your suggestions and will start practicing them today!

Thank you again,

JLJS

[Old_Owl]

Hi there

Sixty year old guy here, just diagnosed a few years back for a second time (diagnosed the first time at 5, but it didn't stick). While medication has been a game changer for me, in no way has it been a "silver bullet." My rejection sensitivity and low self esteem didn't magically vanish when I started popping my Vyvanse.

Through the many years of knowing I didn't fit in and blaming that on myself - I was lazy, inconsiderate, didn't pay attention, not liked (those how liked me, wouldn't really like me if they knew me), and I was a waste of lost potential. All the many years of this left me depressed, hating myself and looking to permanently end the pain. Luckily I found a therapist before I acted on those plans.

For me, it's been a journey of understanding my brain, myself, and even understanding my past through a new lenses based on my understanding of my condition. A late life journey of self discovery which is shifting my inner state from harsh critic to self compassion through understanding and deconstructing the distorted reality I have built a long the way.

It's been learning self awareness and understanding that my brain is biologically different, and functionally different than those I grew up with and interact with on a day to day basis- they don't deal day in day out with executive dysfunction, intrusive thoughts and emotions, memory issues, time blindness, anxiety, hyper-focus, and on and on. It's a lot, and when you think about it.

So, be kind to yourself. Be patient with yourself. Understand yourself, questioning past assumptions, as well as the emotions popping up. They are real emotions, generated by your brain, but they are not always relevant nor related in anyway to what is happening outside your brain.

It has been a long journey for me, and feels like I still have a ways to go. I still have bad day, or weeks, but they don't seem as bad anymore. While there's no love-fest with myself, I no longer hate myself. I'm accepting myself as I am.

There are no quick fixes, no easy button, but I believe it can get better.

Best to you on your journey

[JLJS in reply to Old_Owl]

Old Owl,

Thank you for putting it out there. Both your words about the negativity of ADHD as well as your positivity actually helped reduce some of the ADHD related anxiety I struggle with. I also appreciate your honesty. Saying there are no quick fixes was affirming also.

I sincerely appreciate your response,

JLJS

[Old_Owl in reply to JLJS]

I really believe it's about accepting ourselves and the value of our own uniqueness (which includes our brain differences). A number of people I know have been amazed at what I have done, the places I have been and adventures I have had. I never saw it through the haze of low self-esteem and self loathing. But the truth is I have. And I might not have had many of the wonderful experiences had I not had ADHD.

This doesn't make ADHD any easier. It doesn't make me wish I didn't have it, that I didn't need to put more effort into things others do with ease. I would love to know where I put my keys. But then I wouldn't be who I am and I wouldn't have the life I have. And those special experiences likely would never have happened. I've gotten to the point where loosing that doesn't seem worth a "normal" brain.

And the ADHD in me says "that sounds like a dreadfully boring life."

[JLJS in reply to Old_Owl]

I'm not there yet, too much shame and humiliation. Maybe one day in the near future I'll be able to let past embarrassments go and be ok with ADHD.