Firstly, I'd like to thank everyone who responded to my initial post, outlining who I am and my experience with ADHD. I read each response, and it made me feel good knowing that people validate my struggles and recognize the difficulty I am facing.
I'd like to expand more on the specifics regarding my ADHD symptoms, as I have done a little more research on my personal symptoms, I am becoming more aware of the effects ADHD has on not just my academic life, but my personal life too. More recently, I've looked into task paralysis, defined as a form of procrastination that affects people who are perfectionists. Those who struggle with task paralysis become overwhelmed when trying to begin a task (small or large), and feel as though they need the perfect situation to start that task (sometimes this means needing that last minute adrenaline, or a completely inescapable situation in order to start a task).
I've always known that I am a devious procrastinator, but I didn't know that there is a classification for the way I tend to procrastinate. Obviously, this affects my academic duties, but while researching, I see how much it affects my daily life too. I have a difficult time keeping my room clean, I delay going grocery shopping, and I miss at least one class a week on average. Many of the articles I read about task paralysis associate it with ADHD, so this makes sense to me.
As I continue to reflect an research my struggles and experiences with ADHD, I conclude that task paralysis is the most detrimental symptom of my ADHD. I have proven to myself time after time that once I begin a task, I will stay engaged in that task for a reasonable amount of time (typically until it is done). Yet, I still have an extremely difficult time starting to do tasks, even though I know that I will most certainly get it done if I can just start.
I have tried a few methods to fix this, and I will explain how some have worked and some have not. Firstly, I am meeting with an academic coach weekly, and our main goals are to improve my organization, such as utilizing a calendar with weekly tasks and deadlines, and scheduling study times on Mondays and Fridays, where I set aside one hour each day to study. Both of these have been rather unsuccessful; I downloaded an app called Timetree, but haven't utilized the app since I downloaded it two weeks ago, because I haven't started to even look at my weekly assignment schedule. As for the study times, I simply just don't study during those times- either I fall asleep or I am not in my apartment near my computer for some random reason. Both of these goals were set about 3 weeks ago, and I feel too embarrassed and ashamed to even tell my academic coach that I am not meeting the goals we set. I do know that breaking down tasks into smaller tasks can help, but for some reason I also have a difficult time doing that too. The only other thing I am trying to do is write out my thoughts- its why I joined this community. Research has told me that writing out my thoughts and concerns can help relieve anxiety and stress caused by ADHD, and can help reduce brain overload. I feel weird writing out my thoughts in a journal that nobody would see, so I figured I could use this community as a place where I can express my thoughts and not feel so funny about it.
After speaking to a few close friends, I have concluded that it would be best for me to re-test for ADHD, and take a more complex/detailed test in order to better understand what type of ADHD I have. I plan to find someone in my hometown that specializes in ADHD treatment to get tested from. Furthermore, I believe there is ADHD medication that can specifically help with task paralysis; this would be something that I would communicate with my ADHD specialist, and see what they have to suggest.
For those who decided to read all of this, thank you. There is no need to reply if you don't want to, as I am not asking for any help or guidance, but if you wish to reply feel free - I enjoy reading what people have to say about my experiences. Thank you all, and I hope to be a bit more consistent with my posts on this community.
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ShepherdSalamanca
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I'm seeing something else besides ADHD. Procrastination may feel like a symptom of ADHD, but there is no real proof that it is. Let's rename it to what it is. It's a freeze response to stress/anxiety. Based upon that, I think you need to explore a few other avenues as to why this is happening. I could take a guess, based upon my own years of therapy and experience, but it's only a guess. Here are some questions:
1. As a child did you experience any trauma such as, parental divorce, sexual molestation, violent acts, bullying, verbal abuse, etc...? This is the top reason for Freeze type responses.
2. Did you have any physical ailments or accidents in your past that put you in a lengthy healing process? Another path to Freeze type responses.
Something I suggest you read is the book "The Body Keeps the Score." This book is life changing and helps you to understand why you react the way you do. Since you believe you have ADHD, I might suggest the audiobook. Those with ADHD can't sit still long enough to read, so we need to listen to it.
Task paralysis is also one of my main issues with ADHD.
I've found what I think is helpful information, but I know that I continue to struggle with it.
These are links to the HowToADHD YouTube channel episodes about "the Wall of Awful" and "Motivation Bridge".
When you don't have the incentive to do something, like when you are experiencing Task Paralysis, it helps to put some strategies into place that can help. It's a matter of finding what helps you.
Sometimes, just starting something for 5 minutes is enough to break the deadlock. Try setting a timer for 5 minutes, and focus on doing one part of the task. Then, when the timer goes off, stop doing it. Later, set the timer for 5 minutes again, and do the next part.*
*I recently read that this is how the entrepreneur who came up with the Pomodoro Technique first development his method. He gradually built up the length of his timed work sessions to 25 minutes, with a 5 minute break afterwards. But most people suggesting the Pomodoro Technique jump to the end, not realizing that the innovator of the method had to build up to that. He actually started with 2 minutes at a time, doing reading for a college class.
Hello ShepherdSalamanca , i couldn't help but relate with what you're going thru. I was diagnosed at age 41.I think everyone who knows there is something different about her/himself without knowing what, will find some sort of relief when they get a Neurodivergent label. Things start making sense, you feel seen and validated - it is not character fault- and the burden of shame you've always carried get's lifted away.
But that's just the beginning, i'm afraid...The greatest struggle will be finding who you are after so many years trying to be what others expect us to. That's why we dig into books in search of "symptoms": to get a "cure", an explanation for the chaos in our lives, a sense of self.
Do you think that makes sense?... maybe i'm just projecting😅
Do what you feel you have to do.
More than knowing about ADHD, knowing and accepting yourself will be what brings you happiness and peace. It's easyer said than done, of course. I'm still working on that.
If i'm allowed to give you any advise, it would be: drop the books and the internet searches- it will only confuse you more. Find a mentalhealth professional who actually nows about ADHD and understands you're struggles. You will need that help. Once you find the right one for you, commit to the process - you said it yourself, once you start you know you can handle it. Hold on to the people who love and support you. Forget about the ones who tell you should try harder to be like everyone else. If you feel you have to change anything, do it for yourself and not them.
wow - finally someone who describes EXACTLY how I feel! So nice to read. I have been officially diagnosed a couple of months ago at the age of 41. Although, I just knew that I had ADHD for the last 2 years probably.
I have ways felt different my whole life and wondered how some people do it. I always needed lots of sleep. I’m very much either in the hyper mode and then crash down. I have actually just started my prescription of Concerta XL 18mg, first tablet yesterday and hoping it might help. Anyway, I’m getting distracted and going off the subject. Must stay focused lol
The writing things down was a massive help to me in the past, I didn’t even suspect that I had ADHD at the time but it just felt good doing it. So I’ve decided I’m going tj restart it. Or try to. Again my task paralysis will probably prevent me from doing this for the next months or so and I’ll be thinking about doing it all.the.time. But I also know that I will eventually get it done. And I’ve kind of accepted that that’s who i am and things just generally take me. Lot longer.
I am also very intrigued by Netjester ‘s theory of the stress/freeze response!!! I definitely had a lot of trauma in my childhood so I am going to explore that further. Thanks for that.
And also thanks for your post ShepherdSalamanca as that has motivated me to start writing things down again!
It'a bloody mess for us Crasha ! 😂 You have a full buffet : genetics, epigenetics, trauma, depression, ASD, bipolar desease, personality disorders...
We go thru 20 doctors who say : "you're depressesd/bipolar, you have BPD, you have APD, learn to social skills - here's an SSRI and some therapy who will do nothing for you within 6 months or less"😂
You start felling desperate - no one is listening to you and nothing is working as it was suppose to . Suicidal thoughts take over you.
Then it appears one good soul who gathers all the peaces and goes : " you know, you have a lot of traits of ADHD... Take an anphetamine and see how it goes."
You do it ( scared shitless of the side effects) and then you go : " Fuck me! Is this how everyone sees the world? No wonder i was struggling!"
Then you start reading everything about the subject ( aka special interest - hello Netjester and ShepherdSalamanca 🙌😂)
This goes for a while untill you start realising, that ADHD is for life and you have no clue of who you are. That's when it hit's you hard...
You have an explanation for the chaos, you're not a bad person, but life is always gonna be very different for you... and we're not therapists!
So i threw everything away, went to my therapist and said - Tell me what to do. I don't trust myself anymore, so i'll need you're help to find my way thru this"
And that's where i am now. Life is still hard( some days i wanna give up and tell everyone to go fuck themself ) but i'm trying to be more kind to myself and move foward.
Let's see where it leads...
To everyone here, i see you and i hope you find the happiness you deserve🤍
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Had my lowest point yesterday. And social interactions. 
Virtual Therapy and OT for ADHD- Any Advice?
A question, or maybe a journal entry, any thoughts? 
I can not organize guest room and I need to learn that it is okay to seek out help
