Did you have a family member or childhood friend accompany you to your appointment to be assessed?

Good morning ,

So after been assessed last month for referral to see if have ADHD I now have an appointment date which is next month ,so not long to wait !

It states on the letter about taking in old school reports , and to bring along a childhood friend or family member who who knows me well . This is very tricky as I don’t have any school reports or long term friends as neve mr kept any and my sisters live across the other side of the world and have told me they can’t even remember what they were like back then never mind me ! The other two members ,being my mum and brother, we do not have a good relationship and definitely not enough to open up to them about this . They think mental health is something that people just say they have and would say nothing is wrong me and talk down to me , I’ve tried this before and it’s upsetting not to be heard and to say it’s just for attention and stop being stupid nothing wrong with me .

So what do I do ? I written to the appointments team to explain this and said my fiancé is willing to come with me but hasn’t know me since childhood . Any one been in the same situation ?

thank you community 💕

[CheeseIt]

Actually my situation was similar. I had a questionnaire to be completed by someone that knew me as a child. That would leave my mom and step dad, who are both narcissists. And I knew they wouldn’t be a good source for my childhood behaviors bc I hid from them anything that I was struggling with (I wasn’t going to give them any extra ammo to use against me). Even now as an adult I would classify my relationship with my parents as “complicated” aka f$&d up.

Any childhood friends I had then, I’m not in contact with any of them. And I barely can locate my cell when I put it down in my house much less have school records available!

I know why this is required but it sure makes this part of the assessment extremely difficult. Especially when there are frayed family bonds in place.

I ended up messaging the doctor who was doing the assessment and asked for other options/ppl that I could use to complete the childhood portion of the questionnaire.

And I definitely didn’t bring anyone with me to my assessment in case there was personal information I needed to share.

Ask your doctor what are some other options available to you and what other ppl have done to satisfy the childhood info. Bc unfortunately you’re not alone with the messed up family dynamics.

[Hidden in reply to CheeseIt]

Hi Cheeselt , glad to hear not just me 😂! I have sent a email to the doctor to explain and see what can be done . To be honest I don’t really want to take my fiancé with me and only because I would find it more difficult maybe opening up about things in more detail . He has been very good supporting me I must say so am lucky . Did you remember your early childhood ? It’s all a bit vague to before the age of 8 nothing stands out to pin point any ADHD behaviour they may have been . How was your first proper assessment? Thanks 😊

[CheeseIt in reply to Hidden]

I do NOT remember most of my childhood not until the age of 11-12 ish. I have fragmented memories. Growing up in my household wasn’t the greatest. So the memories I do have of my younger years are generally trauma related memories. I’m currently doing EMDR therapy. It’s hard BUT it’s brought me a level of peace and healing I don’t think I’d get with conventional therapy.

I DO recall most of my report cards (from elementary to high school bc the comments annoyed me AND I got in trouble with the narcissistic parentals) noted “I talked too much” or “Not reaching full potential.” Even to this day i still don’t know wtf “Not reaching full potential” actually means. Lol. [Sidebar: *Are there Any teachers that can clarify?]

I do recall middle and high school though. I was super active/hyper and had eclectic collection of friends due to my various interests. There are things that I would hyper focus on (ie. writing short stories, poetry, reading) in my younger years and now I realize what I was doing.

My first assessment was “meh.” Generic questions were asked as to why I think I have ADHD (take notes and specific examples with you. A few examples will work especially if you were referred by your therapist). I’ve always thought of ADHD was like how it manifested in my lil bro who would bounce off walls and have unregulated melt downs until he was diagnosed and medicinally treated.

I researched what ADHD looks like in adults and I had nothing but A-HA moments while doing so. It was comforting to finally understand as to WHY my life has been SO MUCH HARDER than for other ppl - job changes, misplacing things- ALL THE TIME. I really thought that was normal -lol. It’s not, FYI.

It was my therapist that is treating my trauma that recognized my ADHD. She and I have been working on my trauma for the past 9 mths, every Friday for an hour session (I’m hyper focusing on THRIVING and NOT being in survival mode all the time). I was nervous that I would walk away with a “your fine.” I was sent home with 4 packets of questionnaires (self eval-(1) childhood and (2) last 6 mths; (3)childhood portion (usually parents complete); and (4) last 6 mths to be completed by someone that knows us.

2nd visit- The psychologist I met with also has ADHD. She scored my questionnaires while I waited. So when I started talking to her ebt my findings…excuse me at her, around her, over her-lol…was fun and insightful. I did read her after visit notes where she noted I was “talkative” and “interrupted” her several different times. Lmfaooooo.

It wasn’t as horrible as you may think it may be. It did help that it was just me in the room so if there is/was something very personal I felt I needed to share, I could do so.

I believe most licensed professionals worth their salt, are going to be overly thorough to ensure they don’t misdiagnose. And that I can respect and endure the process. I am officially diagnosed with (C)PTSD and ADHD. Which means my PTSD needs to be treated separately (therapy) from my ADHD (medication).

I LOVE the fact your fiancé is willing to come in and sit with you during your medical appt!!! That’s awesome. I believe there is a support group on this site for partners who are with someone that has ADHD. I believe this to helps them deal with our “quirks.” (I’ve officially decided to call our uniqueness as “Quirks “ from the anime, My Hero Academia.)

Please feel free to message me directly if you have any other questions or concerns you would like to run by me.

P.S. I’m SO proud of you for seeking out a better version of yourself. It takes courage and strength to realize you need insight and help outside of yourself and to ACTIVELY seek it!!