I have more than ADHD

[Schutt2023]

*I’d like to note I’m also adopted and was given up at 6 days old and was in foster care until I was 2*

I have Autism and Bipolar 2, in addition to my ADHD. I wasn’t treated for either when I was living in my abusive caretakers home. I was diagnosed with Autism in 2020 after I moved out on my own but wasn’t given any information or resources to understand what that meant or how it affects me. I was diagnosed with bipolar2 in 2021 and again was left with no resources or information.

I’m curious if anyone else has the pieces to my puzzle so I can keep working on putting together who I am and how I operate?

Here are my biggest questions:

1.) Mood Swings- I get into phases where I don’t even know what I want for myself let alone my husband and our precious pets.

2.) Reactivity- Why do I elevate so much when there’s truly no reason to be upset or frustrated?

3.) Blank Mode- I get this less and less the longer me and my husband are together, but I still notice it when I’m in other social groups. When I get passionate or upset about something, I either go until I get shut down/cut off and I’m really loud or I just say whatever hits my mind and it’s like I’m on autopilot.

3a.) Autopilot- before me and my husband moved into our more spacious home, we would fight so aggressively with our words and it’s heartbreaking to think about. When I would be in those moments, it was like my subconscious and my voice were locked in a glass box behind my eyes, while my brain would say these horrible things. It also kind of felt like this white light would cover my mouth so I couldn’t stop my brain from yelling so much.

4.) My struggle to understand my husbands ADD- granted this is much easier now, especially the more perspectives I read and hear and the more research I do. Sometimes I still feel really selfish when he’s just so patient with me all the time. He masks a lot when he’s around others and it makes it so hard to read his emotions, which my trauma and autism rely on to survive in social circles.

5.) Reading and Expressing Emotions- i feel like this one is pretty self explanatory but I just get really frustrated and sometimes I’ll just shut down or go into blank mode.

I really just want to try and figure out which diagnosis causes what. Then I can solve how 17 years of physical, emotional, mental, verbal and sexual abuse affects it all.

Or do I figure that out first?

Also, my therapist quit after we got to age 5 so if someone could recommend one 👀 jk..I think

[BlessedLady]

You need to see a Psychologist. Seeing a Psychologist regularly can help you with information, learning to understand your issues and how to manage them. This is long term and not something that can be dealt with on a internet forum quickly.

[Schutt2023 in reply to BlessedLady]

Easier said than done. I’ve been on several lists since my diagnosis in 2021. It isn’t as accessible for me.

[BlessedLady in reply to Schutt2023]

Do you frequently call them back and check with them ? It is common for those on waiting lists to not keep their contact information updated. Has your contact information changed since you got on the lists ?

[wtfadhd]

Good Morning Schutt-

you described alot of very typical ADHD symptoms, lack of emotional regulation, quick volatile outbursts, n mood swings. women with adhd who express themselves aggressively due to adhd often get that bipolar label slapped on. its traumatic in itself.

bipolar ups n down are not necessarily triggered by anything at all, and last over a week.

adhd outburst are WAY different bc they are triggered by something most folks would find small but our adhd brains go strait to fight or flight n we lash out or retreat inward in a very intense way.. either way, its intense n super short lived- not lasting weeks like bipolar.

unresolved trauma can also cause emotional dysregulation. i am surprised your theraist didnt wrongly diagnose you with borderline personality disorder instead of PTSD. PTSD/ trauma in women manifest itself in a group of behaviors that most others find SUPER annoying, and the woman ends up getting labeled “difficult” even though all those behaviors exist in attempt to protect self AND seek validation. so yea, throw adhd into the mix and i can see why you are struggling. 😢

until the trauma is resolved, its going to be very difficult to get an accurate diagnosis. bc if a medical provider skips the part where they allow you to talk about your trauma n instead start going thru presenting symptoms- your gonna get alot of labels n alot of misdiagnosis.

i speak from personal experiences on this. it is VERY difficult to find a good treatment team n especially bc u have so much going on that overlaps, gets interwoven, and is complex. therapist n medical providers are very much tasked to look at humans in a linear fashion, collect facts about symptoms, label a diagnosis.,. etc etc… even though all the wonderful experts who write books on adhd, trauma, etc, the therapist who actually see patients, are being paid by insurance, and so the therapy/ treatment normally doesnt follow the expert knowledge n research that exists. its very well known problem in the mental health field.

i say this not to discourage you, but instead to validate ya

trying to figure out all the who’s n why’s about ourselves is exhausting and is a lifelong process.

we are all unique n finding ourselves n creating joy is lifelong adventure n definitely not one that can be addressed by having a bunch of diagnosis.

my god life would be cool af if we could all be diagnosed n fixed like computers!lol

keep posting. we are all on adhd struggle bus together❤️

[STEM_Dad]

I agree with what BlessedLady said, that you would need treatment from a psychologist. I would add that you should try to find a psychologist who is familiar with treating trauma, childhood abuse, autism, and bipolar2, since you have shared that those are factors. You may not be able to find one mental health professional who is familiar with all those aspects. (For instance, you might work with someone who treats trauma and child abuse issues, but not autism, or vice-versa. So you might have to work with different providers over time.)

You certainly should be doing your own learning, because self-care and self-advocacy are extremely important. In my opinion, so is self-acceptance (and believing that you are worthy of the help and support that you need).

You may know this already, but there is a growing area of research into what are called adverse childhood experiences (ACEs). ACEs can contribute not just to mental health issues, but also physical health issues & risk factors. Make sure that your personal care physician knows your childhood background. A doctor who is familiar with the findings on research into ACEs would be beneficial.

Since you've shared your profile age (it appears next to you username), I would add that youth is also a factor. Both men and women continue to develop cognitively and neurologically until about age 25+. ADHD and/or autism can further influence a person's cognitive maturation. (ADHD experts say that a child with ADHD can be as much as 3 years behind their peers in social and cognitive development, regardless of their intelligence and academic capabilities.)

-----

(You mention that your husband has ADD. If you're not already aware, that's the same thing as ADHD. So, I'll refer to ADHD out of habit, but I mean ADD, too.)

1) With all the factors you've mentioned, it would be impossible to tell what causes the mood swings, so I won't ever hypothesize. For the times that you "don't know what [you] want", I encourage you to extend some grace towards yourself. While my struggles are different, I've learned a couple of things that might help you.

• First, if you're like most people, your core values and beliefs can be a guide to help steer you when you're going through mood swings. My mom has bipolar2, and also had periods of time that she was also clinically depressed. Yet, caring for the family was so important to her that even at her lowest lows, she still managed to cook dinner for the family (before going to lay down). Now that I've experienced clinical depression myself, I am more in awe at how she was able to do so, but I know that she was acting by her default values.

• (On a related note, my own guiding value not to become an alcoholic is the only thing that saved me from drinking when I'd started to do so, during a depressive episode this last winter. I made that and other life decisions at age 14, and have stuck by them... I'm now 48. I didn't use will power to save myself from drinking; I got help, I got into counseling ASAP.)

• Another note: when you aren't in a mood swing, you can make conscious decisions about how you want to choose to act when you are in a mood swing. Think it through; talk it out for yourself, like "when X happens, then I will do Y." (Deciding what you can in advance can help. That doesn't mean that's how you will act...but it can help.)

• And again...extend some grace towards yourself.

(...to be continued...)

Brief note about ADHD: it often includes rejection sensitive dysphoria (RSD). RSD can affect people with other neurodivergent conditions, as well (including autism). This might have been a contributing factor in arguments between you and your husband.

[readyplayer1]

hey

I would start with therapy.

That has helped me a great deal to understand my diagnosis and how it impacts everything…

In addition pick up a few books (wether via audible or hard copy) on ADHD, bipolar, and Autism.

Here are some books I found helpful re adhd

The adhd effect on marriage

Delivered from distraction

ADHD 2.0

A radical guide for women with ADHD

the queen of distraction

After therapy I would also suggest an adhd coach (one that also understands autism)

A coach and therapist are two different things

the therapist helps with understanding the whys and how’s and also deals with the other issues in you life that make managing you diagnosis difficult. Shows you how each diagnosis manifests and overlaps… and helps you get to that place of acceptance and commitment and deal with core beliefs that negatively impact your life.

The coach gets practical with creating your goals in life etc and helps you to move towards them, keeping you accountable and supporting you along the way esp in relation to you diagnosis

Hope this helps