ADHD & Change

[NotAChevy]

Is it just me, or is it hard to adapt to situations where our lives are changed quickly or against our control?

I think it is. For the most part, I have found, and modified certain tools, to help me adapt, aka survive, my life. It’s taken years, numerous therapist, numerous stupid teachers who said I just needed structure, tons of yelling and tears, and even tons of self- doubt to get to this point; and I am forever grateful to those who believed in me even when I didn’t believe in myself, or was having a temper tantrum like a 3- year old.

Now, I use these modifications to my advantage, and revel in the idea of finding new ones more helpful than the current ones.

I’ll save us all the details, as I know we all have our own story, but without these tools, I’d prob be either dead or in jail. So, when things come along to throw my schedule off, I get pretty freaked out; I have been tested for the autism scale, and didn’t really fall into it, but my ADHD prevents me from adjusting quickly to the new event, place, or schedule. I try to « play it off » as no big deal, but anyone who truly knows me sees right through my ruse.

Am I the only one who finds myself in this position, and how do you handle it?

[STEM_Dad]

I'd say that you're definitely not the only one!

I know that I struggle to adapt to change, too.

It depends on the circumstances, of course. If it's a one-time emergency situation, then like many ADHDers, I am likely to rise to the occasion and adapt more quickly than my peers. (I think it's due to a combination of the novelty of the situation and that rush of neurotransmitters that comes from the body's fight-or-flight response.)

However, if it's a change of life circumstances, like things that are school, work, or family related, then it's a whole different situation. That's when I'm slow to adapt, hesitant, unsure.

~~~~~

I'm very grateful that I got my ADHD diagnosis when I did.

• I got diagnosed a few months before my marriage fell apart, resulting in divorce, co-parenting, a cross-country move, and having to change jobs yet again.

• If I hadn't already gotten the ADHD diagnosis and treatment that I had at that time, I'd probably still be on the other side of the country lamenting the distance from my kids.

I don't think I'd be dead or in jail...but I'd be in much worse of a state of being that I am. (Life is insanely hard sometimes, but I'm getting by.)

[NiceUp]

Yeah, I think that's definitely an ADHD thing. The only way I've been able to stay chill when things change is through age. I just don't get as upset at anything like I used to (i.e., tantrums). I also try to convince myself the change is exciting. Like, ooh, we get to stop at an unplanned point of interest on our long road trip! Think of how interesting that will be! It works, mostly.

Best to you.

[Greenbeeps]

I definitely think it depends on the circumstances…

If the change is going to happen because of something spontaneous (and fun/im going to like the alternative) then bring it on…this will get my brain buzzing and give me energy!

If the change is adding to my already unfocused brain then it’s truelly difficult…add more changes and I can’t cope! Here I’m referring to work…I’m now leaving ward based work due to not being able to cope with the seemingly relentless changes that occur in regards to rules/paperwork!! I can’t process them! I’ve been struggling with this for several years now and it has truelly made me ill with anxiety! I’m hoping to get the message through to the trust I work for that they need to consider and understand the difficulties some people have, rather than assume staff (or patients) are being lazy or rebellious.

[Mamamichl]

I always find myself super anxious in new work situations. It also makes me stick out like a sore thumb. Then when they tell me things I need to change, it takes a lot of practice and time before I can do it successfully. This has me written up then I get even more anxious and make things worse. It’s really frustrating that it happens over and over. I have no idea how to handle it, but I do know what you’re going through.

[FifthWheel]

Change is tough! I moved from SoCal to Ohio almost two years ago and I am finally adjusted to the time zone difference. (I'm retired so I didn't need to go to the office or take of kids that might have made the change faster.) I have one white board with my weekly goals on it. I have two head strong, and ADHD children who are my support group. I know its difficult when you have others you are responsible for or to; but even a half-hour alone to focus has been my biggest help. Also, setting tiny goals, like taking my vitamins at breakfast.

[Jozlynn]

Definitely not just you! I work a fulltime job, plus run my own business, so I too have tools and routines that keep me from going off the rails. Without them, my anxiety ramps up and my day can fall apart, meaning either something in my job or my business winds up not getting done.

I think many ADHDers struggle with a change in whatever's going on because we so very much need the routines and tools in our lives to help us function.

While I understand the tantrums (I feel them internally), age, experience, therapy, and coaching has helped me not respond in the moment (yes, it took me a while - lol). It took a lot of work because I used to get pretty worked up when something threw me off. How the hell was I supposed to get everything done if I couldn't do it the way I always did it? Throw me off once and it completely jacks up my train of thought, my routine, and my concentration and once I feel thrown off it's next to impossible to get back to where I need to be. It's insanely frustrating.

I have a home office and even with the door shut I'll get people sticking their heads in just to chat about something, which throws me completely off whatever it is I'm working/concentrating on - and that makes me want to fly off the handle. Thankfully, I haven't knee-jerk responded to these people in a while, but instead calmly tell them I'm busy on something - but the concentration is still shot, so I sit in my office and fume for a little while. 😆

All that to say, I feel this.

[Lilwonder]

yep. I feel you. And it helps to know I’m not alone. And underlines the importance, for me, to do the things I know will help me. I’m nodding my head in agreement with all the things already mentioned by wise folks on this chat.