Feeling directionless with Career and Life Choices

[Megg1]

Hi there guys,

For context I am 23, got diagnosed with ADHD officially a year or so ago, but realised I probably have a severe form about 2 years ago, which was both very enlightening and cathartic. I am now studying my masters (woo!), but feel very concerned about my lack of direction and focus with my interests. I have experienced my seriously fair share of uncompleted goals throughout my life, but also have achieved a lot and am proud of the work I’ve put in at school to get where I am now. The issue is that my interests are extremely varied, and as I hadn’t enjoyed my 3-year long undergraduate degree in Chemistry, I now feel that I am stepping into my career unsure of what direction I want to go in and what I want to get out of it, with my mind wandering from applied computer science, women’s health, start-up/business journalism, to music-related areas which I am truly passionate about in my free time...

My best friend once mentioned to me a beautiful analogy from the Bell jar book which just really resonated with me and is how I feel that my path will end up without focus. I’ll just share below in case you haven’t heard it:

“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked.

One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, … [etc.] and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out.

I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest. And, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”

If anyone has had similar experiences, and can recoomend any therapists, therapeutic approaches, resources, or signposting to any things you could recommend, I would really appreciate it

[Knitting20projects]

Can you maximize your treatment and finish your masters first, before making a major decision?

[Megg1 in reply to Knitting20projects]

Yeah, I mean I’ve started Elvanse now which is working really well for me. Helps me concentrate and focus which is what I wanted out of it. Plus the masters is already coming to an end really. It’s going to be done in a month or so, so I do need to start thinking about this soon to be honest.

[Natural_Born_Carrie in reply to Knitting20projects]

Hi Megg.

I was that in 89......... the journey is long and winding with so so much distraction and noise. At these times it is important to look within and you will know where you're coming from and where you gotta go. Dmx wut wut wut wut

[STEM_Dad]

It's taken me half a lifetime to discover a very important truth in life:What you do for work does not define who you are.

You like all those things that you mentioned, and more, because they reflect as facets of who you are. You are a complex, unique individual.

My advice: don't discount who you are, don't think that you have to cut off all those branches or cover up all those sparkling facets. But, do try to focus on one or two at a time.

-----

What focus area have you started your graduate studies on?

If that was your choice (and not one you felt others influenced you into), then I would suggest that you continue on that path.

But enrich yourself outside of your official studies... Reading, hobbies, volunteer work, etc.

So, let's say that you go for computer science. Unless your interest is only on academic research, then you could easily pursue CS work in support of one of those other fields you mentioned.

The world keeps changing, and careers that will exist in 15 years haven't even been dreamed up yet. Be the dreamer, the out-of-the-box thinker.

But don't do like I did, changing majors again and again. As a result of my indecisiveness, I didn't graduate. Pick a direction, see it through. Just know that you don't have to always work on the field you get your degree in... It's okay to change career paths.

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Suggestion:

Research people who do Interesting work in each of the fields that you are interested in. Write to them, asking what their work is like, and how they see the field growing in the future.

Show genuine interest. Ask what your really want to know about the field.

Suggestion #2:

Pretend like you're a young kid again, and dream up a career that combines all the things that you want to do. Then, give it a fancy title and job description. Add pictures.

(Be encouraging to your child self, like you would to a kid if you visited their classroom for the day. See where your imagination takes you.)

[Wasted71years]

One observation I can share from seven decades is that the eventual career and path you take is not usually set in stone by personal decisions. Many people fall into what they eventually love by a series of accidents, discoveries and serendipity. Life will find your path, more than you will think out and plan your path. That doesn't mean you don't pursue your studies or try to make choices, but it means that life itself guides you in ways you won't see in advance.

I know many people who started in one direction and ended in a very different but satisfying trajectory. My neighbor downstairs studied engineering and planned for that career, but ended up in medicine as a radiologist. Sometimes that field that will grab your passion and draw you in doesn't even exist yet - technology and other innovations create new areas.

People with ADHD can have many interests and quickly be attracted to yet new ones - the novelty factor after all. Just a few of the fields I was attracted to were physics, electronics, aviation, space exploration, psychiatry, and music. I ended up gravitating to the relatively new field of computers which became my career.

The ADHD steered me to the novel and the interesting, led me to jobs with less routine and more variety but all within the computer industry. I didn't plan this and my choice of college and major were not at all related to the field, but that is where I ended up.

It may well be that your kaleidoscopic interests and experimentation will be the things that guide you to what will give you the most satisfying life. Don't stress over it. Also, you may stick with more than one - I know people who perform music as a hobby while working in a very technical field. Brian May of Queen is an astrophysicist as well as a rock and roll musician - dual careers.

[STEM_Dad in reply to Wasted71years]

I know that I eventually stumbled into my current career field of Information Technology.

My early working career was mostly retail sales, during which I developed good customer service skills. I then took those skills into office work and then full time mathematics tutoring.

Then, back to retail, finally in a management role (Assistant Store Manager).

Then back to school to try to finish a bachelor's degree, studying Computer Engineering. (My previous majors had been Aerospace Engineering, Computer Information Systems, Architecture, and Mathematics.) Still didn't finish the degree, before running out of financial aid.

But then, thanks to my computer studies, customer service experience, and management experience, I got a job as a Lead Technical Support Representative for the Computer Help Desk at the university where I had just been a student.

I discovered at that job that my skills and knowledge make me great at computer user support. (The majority of IT professionals want to pursue their technical interests, so they specialize. My novelty-seeking ADHD brain wants to know a bit about everything, so I'm not a Specialist, I'm a Generalist. Plus, I am more of a "people person" than most IT pros, which makes me great at user support. I'm motivated by my strong empathic traits to want to help people.)

So, I don't mind a "lower level" position in IT, so I can:

help people + solve problems + work on novel problems + learn about novel technologies.

It took me 18 years in school and the workforce to find my niche. I've been in my current career field for 11 years, and it took 3-4 years of turmoil in bad-fit roles, until I got back into my best-fit role again (at higher level and higher pay rate).

[Knitting20projects]

I would add that I have interests I pursue outside of what pays the bills. I know that, if I had to pay the mortgage with those interests, suddenly they wouldn't be fun anymore. But my "day job" has its elements of fun and of drudgery, stress, misery, etc. I think, regardless of what you choose, some of your career will be great and some will be "meh." I don't know anyone (my close friends are all in my field--we trained together) who is "passionate" every hour of the day about our field. But overall we are reasonably happy. And yet, at 50, you are definitely eager to spend time doing other things. So pursue something you like, but don't expect your career to be fulfilling everything for you, I guess. I hope that helps!

[Natural_Born_Carrie]

Dig into self care of all kinds. I enjoy IPSY, Pilgrim Soul journals and coloring books.

The best way to get to know yourself is through oracle and tarot. My fav oracle is the Enchanted Oracle by priestess Moon. Journal that shit.

Give yourself a break, not to be too critical. Meditate and get in the water to drown out the bullshit.

YOURE every woman ---- it's all in YOU