Hi, I have just stumbled onto this community. I started reading the posts and can identify with the grief or how different my life could of been if I had been diagnosed earler. I was diagnosed at 10 with Dyslexia.. I attributed the way I was to the that... but now realise the ADHD has significantly affected my life.
I am looking for strategies to capitalise on positive attributes and to accept the rest.
You know understand so much more about your life and all the past experiences that were shaped by ADHD.
You know you are not lazy or other negatives about character and capability - it was biochemistry.
You now can pursue support measures - medication, coaching or training, strategies learned from others of your tribe. For the majority of us, life got better.
The risks of earlier death, auto accidents, financial losses due to inattention and impulsive behaviors , along with the other lifelong impacts of undiagnosed ADHD are things you can reduce or eliminate now that you know.
There is quite a bit to look forward to. It just takes a bit of time to process the grief over what your life could have been if diagnosed in childhood.
Welcome to the forum. And welcome to the tribe!
First of all, be patient with yourself. It takes time to process a new diagnosis, and since your ADHD has affected you for your whole life, you will now begin to see your life with a whole new perspective.
For me, it came as a great relief to realize that my struggles in life had an explanation...my life finally made sense! I got to the point of acceptance very quickly. I couldn't change my past, but I could understand it and learn from it better.
While the first feeling I had was relief, the second feeling I had was grief. Why hadn't anyone recognized that I was struggling so much and pointed me towards getting help?
(I can answer that now: I have "mild to moderate" Inattentive ADHD, and I'm introverted...so I didn't attract much attention. And since I thought I was neurotypical, I got good at "masking" in order to fit in.)
For others, the revelation may come with profound grief, even mourning over "the life I could have had". The various stages of grief are: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. (Note that the stages of grief can come and go in any order, or more than one at the same time, and can even return in the future.)
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Next, it's important to know that studies show that medication is usually the most effective treatment for ADHD. Accomodations can help a great deal. Coaching can help greatly towards helping you to make your own accomodations for your ADHD. But while all these taken together can help with your ADHD, it won't go away...so that's why I very quickly adopted a mindset of acceptance of myself, ADHD included.
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There are indeed many positive qualities and strengths which can come about from ADHD. Not all of these are not shared by all ADHDers. Just to name a few, ADHD strengths may include:
Energy (i.e hyperactivity)
Innovation (being very clever)
Creativity
Hyperfocus (occasional to frequent)
Sensitivity (i.e. response to stimuli)
Empathy
Passionate interest
A strong sense of Justice
Appreciation for novelty
There are many more, but these are the ones which regularly come to my mind.
Hi CEO and welcome!
Sorry to start with. No finish to text possible. Ever.
Your online name gives it away: you are an optimist. Or want to be. Congratulations.
Now to me 🙄 (just a little, I'll get to you in a minute):
I was diagnosed at 56 in November 2021, start of treatment January 2022.
I was so intrigued and curious - not having expected THIS in the slightest - I started reading immediately - revelations, revelations - and obviously didn't finish or even start all the books I bought. Now I dip in and out of them and read a lot online. Latest research etc. Whatever those data thieves send me.
I didn't regret it that I wasn't diagnosed earlier. It didn't occur to me as a dominant sentiment. I was in a state of wonder, far too fired up about this newly defined Hominid. OK well, sometimes I have since thought: What if, but also sometimes Hell no. I might have become a right bore. My life has still turned out pretty good and my forever-regret days are over. If I can help it. Life can be so much fun if you let it take you to exciting places. Physically and in your mind. Whatever interests you to explore, and it can of course be your past. Or a particular aspect of it. It can take you on a discovery journey where you're trying to find out more, connect with relatives or old forgotten friends, meet up, REconnect. Or not. Etc. I'm not manic but some of this is probably due to the antidepressants I've been taking for a long time, some of it inherited paternal traits (He drove me crazy with his eternal optimism smiling - Übersprungshandlung = nervous grin but perhaps a true honest hope he may diffuse the tension - at the most impossible moments whilst the family were indulging in their dysfunctional behaviours. This is how it felt during my juvenile Sturm-und-Drang days until I hit my mid-fourties. Now he has been dead nearly 20 years and I smile with pain in my heart when I think of him), a conscious decision at some point to steer against perfectionism and self-doubt and to be proud of my achievements. Learning that I could REALLY be proud cheered me up immensely. Proportionally I decided I've done enough to prove it, striven enough, taken enough BS from those wanting to better me. Myself included.
I had already learned to look at the past in terms of: It is what it is. Otherwise, where do I start? Learned after burning myself again and again of course. Not just like that.
But research, public acceptance, the concept of invisible disabilities etc. and all these amazing advances move at a certain pace. Too slow for those for whom there's no paradise. Anyway. Nothing I can do about it.
And then, it could be worse.
Life ebbs away ticktock. We won't die from it. Well, not as if it was cancer or rock-hard coronaries.
I didn't try to think too much about the past, rather preferred to let my brain choose what it finds interesting at a given moment. Memories come anyway, naturally, in flashes, getting triggered by association with present events, idle thoughts and sensory stimuli.
Also, and I can thankfully see this in a very positive light, I often get reminded of all the great coping strategies developed along the way, the amazing qualities that come with ADHD as StemDad rightly points out, the struggles overcome and that have contributed to our very own individual patterns of intelligence, endurance, laconic humour, having a 6th sense, having sometimes none (those people are truly blessed haha!), knowing exactly what I want from life and what ABSOLUTELY not, introspection, awareness of my strengths and weaknesses and how to capitalise on them, amazing friends I made on this journey and that I may have never met them had my brain chemistry been (made) different earlier, and what I now know what it means to have great friends, funny friends, rich tapestries of friends I want to hold when time comes, extroverts, introverts, just like we all are a bit of both, and how to choose which side you want to be on and keep enemies at arm's length. How to create and collect happy memories. Etc. etc.
The Kübler-Ross model, ie. the five stages of grief are out (sorry StemDad: science. wiki), meaning amongst us common men very much disputed, and I can relate. I grieved and fell into deep depression, other times I didn't grieve and didn't want to. Wanted rather to keep my wits about me, analyse it all a bit and keep functioning. Move on. Join my friends for a party. Laugh, have fun, use distraction. Get so pissed I couldn't stand.
No evidence that grief still catches up with you if you ignore it or are lucky enough to not feel drawn to it. Of course it isn't always a matter of choice.
Sometimes I felt guilt but maturing meant realising it wastes time that could be good and is mostly of no use. Thinking fondly of those other hominids who once were 57 but didn't have the luxury of drugs and fora.
I take note of mood swings, whatever inspired me in the past and what served no purpose. We can understand and help each other no matter what our attitude is towards life and loss.
I can relate to all that is said on this forum and feel what many others feel just maybe a little more intensely than I. I am in a not so bad state of mind, probably doused in tons of happy neurotransmitters, also up and down here and there but - and I am 100% sure about this - due to the battlefields I've been on ie due to the ADHD I know when it's enough. For me. Not for anyone else. I don't feel I HAVE to go through every sentiment there is. I've experienced plenty of them thank you very much.
Count your blessings and discount what crosses you could still be made to bear. And stay clear of judges, high priests, Pharisäers.
Good luck.
H711
Yep, grief is part of the process of coming to terms with this condition. That's one reason I highly recommend that adults diagnosed with ADHD get therapy.
What's worse is that even after acknowledgement and some treatment, you'll still face ADHD problems. But things can get a lot better.
Medication starting at 65 is insane, especially considering us, who have had off the charts ADHD since we were younger than seven. If your ADHD requires medication, it will be ready apparent far before 65. Too many people get a diagnosis and blame everything that went wrong in their life on ADHD. My dad said I'm not taking medication, I can make it through med school without it, and he did despite having more severe ADHD than most, however he has never taken medication. Not everyone needs medication if I wouldn't end up dead without it, I wouldn't take it and have stopped several times, but my symptoms couldn't be controlled without it. I was first diagnosed at 3 then many times after. My actions were so bad at times I had to be hospitalized for weeks. So every prescription is written to people 65 and older that means one less person in college or grade school or who's own survival depends on the medication, one less very need person gets it. There is a huge shortage, over 10 formulations are on back order and with reckless prescribing the supply can never come close to meeting the demand. It's a tremendous problem for the medication supply. When I'm 65 if I live that long without a fatal accident then I will stop taking medication myself.
I'm very sympathetic, but at what point does the countless encouraging of writing of prescriptions for every single case of ADHD/ ADD stop? It's a very real concern with only one solution.
I began medication at 72, because in spite of the significant impacts of ADHD all my life, it was not diagnosed until age 71. High IQ thus able to pass in school in spite of all the burdens of ADHD, but my challenges were significant enough to have the school refer me to a psychiatrist in middle school to uncover the cause of the large gap between "potential" and results.
Alas, this was before the term ADHD had even been coined and well before there was any recognition that one could have it without very marked hyperactive behavior. Thus, barked up the wrong tree for months looking for imagined family issues, traumas etc to no avail.
I was able to navigate to jobs where I could remain employed and do decently, with novelty and where my innate talents balanced out my unreliableness and erratic behavior. Still, this hampered my career, led to lost friendships, inappropriate emotional outbursts over trivial issues, basically all the impacts that we face with ADHD.
Stimulants are the first and frontline treatments for ADHD because of their high efficacy rates and because they ameliorate the effects of ADHD enough to allow us to work on systems and processes, find workarounds and manage the rest.
I know several people in my age range with ADHD and all of them are, like me, thankful for the assistance that medication gives us to manage our ADHD and improve our lives.
The impacts are lifelong and the risks and costs are lifelong - including a shorter 'lifelong' without treatment.
thank you... All my life I have MASKED who I truly am... Everything I have experienced in my life has led me to the person I am today... I need to honour that with self love and care. Working out what my life manual is..👍
Stimulants are not the first-line treatment for ADHD. The first-line treatment is becoming more self-aware, more cautious, and developing more behaviors and habits to actually live with ADHD without losing your keys five times in six months. If you saw my neuropsychiatric, you wouldn't be getting meds. It's very unlikely here in Ohio. You made it your entire life, finishing school and being successfully employed, not having fatal accidents, and now you think you are entitled to medication.
My grandfathers both saw hellish combat in World War II. There is no way in hell you could convince them in their 60s or 70s to take medication for a problem that didn't inhibit their lives, or anyone else for that matter. They were men of a different era, but I learned invaluable lessons. My grandfather died at 56 from injuries from the war that left metal deeply embedded in his skull. He never took pain medication. He never once complained of his injury, his POW experience, or serving his country with no questions asked.
Sorry, but I can't approve of diagnoses in people in their 60s and 70s. Sluggish cognitive tempo possibly. When you have made it your whole life without it, so why now? The World War II vets are all gone, but they were men. It's like everyone has gotten so PC and in touch with themselves, and it's not for the better.
I made it through school and college on medication because I had no other choice. I was deemed very intelligent, even my worst behavior was minimized in school. I tested so high they knew putting me in a school for bad kids would have severely hurt my education. The reason my behavior was so bad? Medication. It was later learned even one dose of methylphenidate would cause me to become psychotic. So yeah, meds have been great. It took years to figure out Ritalin was the problem, and I endured countless hospitalizations.
I was on Cylert and ended up in the hospital with my liver not functioning. It was removed by the FDA in 2005. So meds are a necessary evil. Luckily, I responded great to Dexedrine. Sorry, if you have lived successfully and pretty much accident free, then I think knowing you have a diagnosis does more harm than good. Most of us who take meds hate it, and I can't wait until my older years, when I will finally stop medication. All the fun in my life has been times when I was on no medication. Vacations, social events, etc. I never take my medicine because I feel so much better without it. I just don't get it. I don't respect it, and I'll leave it there.
it is fortunate then that your lack of approval does not block senior citizens like myself from receiving help including medication after a lifetime of impairment due to a condition that was essentially unknown when we were in school.
I think everyone needs to decide for themselves what is the right choice for them. Although there are medicine shortages, they are expected to improve, and for some people, the consequences of not taking medication for ADHD could potentially be harmful. Each person deserves to make that choice privately without feeling they’re taking medicine away from someone else.
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